Spring break trailer review, bitches


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Fans of Selena Gomez lost their minds last Thursday after the long-awaited trailer for her new movie Spring Breakers was finally released online.  But don’t be fooled by the film’s cutes-y sounding chick-flick of a title.  This movie is anything but the G-rated Disney fare Selena fans are accustomed to, as Selena herself has stated that “People will be shocked,” by her character and the film itself.

According to imdb, the film basically revolves around four college girls who just want to leave their boring college campus, and have the quintessential spring break trip.  Oh, not to mention rob a bank to fund said trip, party it up, get thrown in jail, bailed out by a sketchy rapper (played by James Franco…seriously?), shoot some guns, do some dirty work, and god only knows what else.  The film is directed by Harmony Korine.  Haven’t heard of him?  He is the director of many equally twisted and obscure films such as Kids, Gummo, and something called Trash Humpers, (which is about exactly what you think it is…let that image just sink in).  Sound like a Disney Channel Original Movie to you? Didn’t think so. Allow us to break down the Spring Breakers trailer for you:

The trailer opens with a giant R rating from the MPAA for “strong sexual content, language, nudity, drug use and violence throughout”, meaning that unless you are 17, or have some pretty ingenious (and illegal) pirating skills, you kiddies will not be seeing this movie.  We then see the innocent, baby-faced Selena Gomez being awoken by a few of her familiar Disney-worthy friends Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Benson…oh and this Rachel Korine person who obviously just got thrown into the film because she is the director’s wife, (for now she is known as “pink hair girl”).  Immediately the girls’ desires are known from a constant, almost tribal chanting of “money” and “spring break” in the background of a montage of classrooms, dorm rooms, and standing in the rain…for some weird reason.  As the broke college girls cook up a plan to fund their escape, gangster rap replaces the chanting, and flashes of their robbery of what appears to be a restaurant are shown.  A split second later, the girls are then whisked away to “Spring Break”, in all it’s booze-y, day-glow bikini, Vespa-riding glory.  Next, it’s hello to Mr. James Franco, looking almost unrecognizable as rapper “Alien”, preaching to a crowd of spring breakers that “THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT!” and adding “Y’all” to the end of every sentence, (is that supposed to be a white rapper thing?).  Then just as the party seems to be getting started, we see the girls arrested, in a courtroom, and finally in a holding cell, all the while STILL in those bikinis (you would think they would have packed some clothes).  Busted out of jail by good old Alien, now we see that things are REALLY about to heat up, as Skrillex music blares in the background.  Cue the montage of guns shooting, James Franco’s corn row and grill shots, cases of money, solo cups, day-glow bikinis and blacklights, all the while set to constant base drops courtesy of Skrillex and another round of chanting declaring “spring break forever”.  There you have the glorious, twisted, terrifying, amazing Spring Breakers trailer, and what is sure to kick all that is remaining of Selena’s Disney image to the curb.

Watch the trailer here for yourself…We know we will about a million more times. “Spring break forever, bitches…”

Have an opinion on this movie? Leave in a comments below

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