The internet community rejoiced when Breatheheavy.com revealed that Justin Bieber’s Calvin Klein pics were photoshopped and that Justin Bieber was…well, had a small/average penis compared to what the pictures let people believe. Here’s the gif for your viewing pleasure:
After the media frenzy took to this, Team Biebers, who I will now refer to as Team Biebsbag, decided that they were going to send cease and desist letter to the blog site and asking them to post a retraction, which you can read here.
In the retraction, which is very classy, the site gets a quote from Justin’s Trainer’s quote from Access Hollywood (glad to see that Selena isn’t the only one getting their 15 minutes of fame off of Justin’s penis). For the sake of journalistic intention, here is the quote from that article:
But according to Justin’s trainer, Patrick Nilsson, Justin’s bulge is legit and God-given!
“I can definitely confirm that he is a well-endowed guy,” Patrick told Access, explaining that Justin’s junk was not massaged or touched by Photoshop.
“I sound weird saying that, but yes,” he continued, not explaining how he discovered this juicy bit of personal Biebs info.
Now one would think that Team Biebsbag would be getting a cease and assist letter to them because this quote makes it seem like Justin is sleeping around with his trainer and not helping the rumors that Justin Bieber is gay, which to Justin’s immature thinking would be worse than people thinking he’s not “well-endowed”. My favorite part is that trainer is admits that it’s weird that he knows that info and then won’t try to explain how he knows that. Most guys would try to explain that with something like “lockerroom.” But no, Justin’s Trainer pleaded the fifth.
So here’s in the part in this article where I make fun of this, and believe me I will. But first, I would just like to state that this isn’t make fun of Sir Douchenugget because of his small penis but because of the hoops the dude is going through to prove that he doesn’t have a small penis. Now, on to the jokes:
Who get’s the team of lawyers to send a cease and desist letter just because someone posted unphotoshopped photos of that may show that your average at something? It’s like all the girls that get made fun of their A cup breast by their C cup friends calling the cops because it’s sexually harassment. Get over it and move on. If the pictures weren’t real then why care so much about them? Only a douche like Justin would cry because their “unphotoshopped” leaked onto the internet. Justin, you have worst photos of you on the internet to worry about. People, more so your beloved “Beliebers”, have photoshopped your head on naked guy bodies as well as having sex with other men. If you are trying to prove to everyone that you are a grown man, then you are failing miserably. So stop your goddamn cease and desist, move on. Worse comes to worse, just “leak” somes nudes and call it a day. And besides, we all know the photos are really because you shoved a sock in there.
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