So you want to move to Canada, eh?

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Get ready to love maple, eh!

After President Trump’s executive order “Protecting the Nation from Foreign Terrorist Entry into the United States,” long names mean they are really important, millions of people from the around the globe is outraged and appalled. In case you aren’t aware, the order heavily restricts both the travel and immigration of persons from several predominantly Muslim countries in the Middle East and Africa. Pretty much, there’s a VIP list and if you were born and from a Muslim country, you aren’t allowed into the party. People are PISSSED. Americans are looking to head to our polite and friendly neighbors of the North-Canada. The Prime Minster of Canada posted this on his twitter that has won over the world:

So I thought that we would go to school and learn about Canadian culture so when you go there, everyone will be on the same page. Thanks to my friend the internet and my knowledge from Degrassi and How I Met Your Mother, this is “Introduction to Canadian Culture 101.” Buckle up and grab your pencil and paper because it’s going to be a ride. Note: Canadian’s please don’t politely yell at me if I’m wrong, I sadly don’t know any Canadians to ask these questions to. Also, points of this is satirical.

Canada’s diverse Culture

They encourage people to keep cultural identities, traditions, and customs. Something the US can learn from these days. They understand that embrace differences will only make them stronger. Canadian’s are also big on individually helping the community. So they are big on helping their community grow through their individualism. The main two languages are English and French. Both are the official language of Canada. Quebec is known as the only predominate French providence, equal to US States.

Canadian Government

Canada is a constitutional monarchy. What does that mean? They have a constitution but they have a Queen. No, it’s not Celine Dion because that’s a different kind of queen. They celebrate the Queen Elizabeth II. So Queen Elizabeth II isn’t just the Queen of England, she’s the Queen of Australia and New Zealand as well. Their head of the government is the Prime Minster and our BFF. Literally, their government set up goes on for days. There are so many positions that it’s mind blown. Luckily, this is just an introductory course. But this link will probably explain it better and make more sense.

Canadian’s love their providence

Canadian’s have a strong love for their providence, which they should. Like the US States, each providence is different. Here’s a breakdown of the differences by using Kardashians (Canadian, Kardashian’s are regarded as Royalty in the US):

  • Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island and Newfoundland are seen as more reserved. They are the Kourtney Kardashian of the great white north
  • Ontario is more business oriented. Obviously they are Kris Jenner.
  • Alberta, Manitoba and Saskatchewan are stereotypic Canadians with their friendliness and relaxed attitudes. They are Kylie and Kendall.
  • British Colombia is bit out there, less conventional. They are the Khloe Kardashian of Canada.
  • Quebec is more independent. They are the Kim Kardashian West.

Canadian Education system

Where to start. Their youths have so many issues going on in their life that I don’t know how they can focus on their school work. I’ve recently been watching the Canadian reality series Degrassi and these kids man, it’s different in Canadian. There seems like there’s always drama. Someone is cheating on someone, someone is knocked up by their best friend’s significant other, and it’s like what’s going on? Why hasn’t the head of education or the prime minster stepped in to prevent this?

Manners in Canada

Because of their polite nature, Canadian have very good manners and are very civil. Here’s so tips on how to fit in with them:

  • Canadians give gifts for birthdays and Christmas.
  • If invited to someone’s home for dinner, take a box of good chocolates, flowers or a bottle of wine. They will also accept your first-born child.
  • In Quebec, sending flowers in advance of the dinner party is proper protocol. They like their flowers to be alive.
  • Do not give cash or money as a present. They do accept all Mastercard and Visa cards.
  • Gifts are usually opened when received. Unless the gift opens itself, then run.
  • Table manners are relatively relaxed and informal in Canada.
  • Table manners are generally Continental, i.e. the fork is held in the left hand and the knife in the right while eating. Also remember pinkie out!
  • Wait to be shown to your seat.
  • Do not begin eating until the hostess starts.
  • Do not rest your elbows on the table. They will cut off your elbows.
  • Feel free to refuse foods or drink without offering an explanation. More for them.
  • Leaving a small amount at the end of the meal is generally acceptable. It’s rude to eat it all.
  • In formal situations, the host gives the first toast. An honoured guest should return the toast later in the meal. Women may give toasts. They aren’t sexist.

Canadian Health Care

They have amazing health care. Someone shot Drake in the back and paralyzed him. Now he’s walking perfectly fine like it was just a plot for the reality show Degrassi.

Canadian Weather

It’s cold as balls.

 

That’s it for this lesson. Hopefully, this will guide you on your way to being a Canadian.

Have an opinion on the issue? Let us know in the comments below or tweet @Steven_Kaufman using #PopProject.

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