A trailer was released for the newest teen thriller that looks like it came from a mind of someone wanted to write a pornographic film but was turned down. So they threw a bunch of porn plots into one. Yes, expect references to porn plots in this. Because this movie bleeds porno jokes. This article also has a built-in drinking game. Every time there’s a reference to porn plots, make sure you take a drink.
“Don’t Hang Up” stars Garrett Clayton and Gregg Sulkin as pompous assholes who make videos online together…..in a heterosexual way of course. They prank people and post the video online for the world to see. Then one day, they tick off the wrong person and he holds them hostage over a landline phone. Because teens these days use landline phones to make phone calls. If they hang up the landline phone, then the killer, who I will lovingly refer to “Deep Throat,” has their love ones in what I can only describe as Sexy Saw. “Do you want to play a ‘game’?” There’s still a chance of murder in sexy saw, but with more S&M. Then the girlfriend doesn’t even know what’s going on….until she gets attacked and taken prisoner. The trailer ends with Gregg having to “kill” Garrett in order to save his girlfriend….in a heterosexual way
I’m sorry this movie just screams badly written porno. Two guys making videos online…I mean, you can’t tease that and not expect people to make porn jokes. Especially when, Garrett portrayed a porn star in “King Cobra.” It’s just screaming “make jokes about me.” I have to oblige. I will not be shocked if there isn’t a porn parody of this…unless this is a parody of it. If so, then it makes more sense and started a new genre that would make this article more R rated than it already is.
While it looks rather good, it’s pretty much a modern take on the “Saw” franchise. The actual plot,besides screaming porno, really doesn’t make any sense. But that’s normal in this day and age…..in porn. Okay, I’ve made enough porn jokes because it’s obvious that you understand that this movie is pretty much a dark porn of two guys making movies online before getting caught and blackmailed by a mystery man who is getting off on Sexy Saw. You’re welcome.
Here’s the trailer. It’s rather dark and murdery:
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