Girl Scout cookies are literally the worst and here’s why:
They are freakin’ addicting. Are these cookies laced with drugs because you literally just can’t have one? I really want to know what are making these cookies so damn addicting. It’s very unnatural how much your body craves these cookies. I know what some of you may be thinking and no, it’s not because it’s laced with an unhealthy amount of sugar that will be slowly killing my body. There has to be something more than that because sugar doesn’t make people do what Girl Scout cookies do.
We have people that literally buy the cookies in bulk and then hord them like squirrels in their freezer. Yeah, that’s how addictive these cookies are. People literally hord them just so they can eat them all year around. You can only get them one time a year so you might as well buy all that you can now.
It also doesn’t help that the Girl Scouts are pushing cookies like crack. You can visit their website to order cookies online, because that was a brilliant idea to help push the product. It’s literally what I would expect to happen if I was trying to buy drugs off the streets. Before they show you the product, they have to ask six billion questions-just to make sure you are the cops. Then once you see the product, you’re just like “take my money and give me the damn cookies.” It’s like they know they longer you wait, the more you are willing to buy because the addiction will take over. You could be on a diet, but as soon as you see those delicious boxed goodness, you might as well just admit defeat.
If you think it’s would be better online, but it’s not. Go to stores and they have pushers sitting outside with tables full of the cookies. And they pick the adorable ones to stand out the table because they know it’s very very hard to say no to an adorable face. Those adorable faces pretty much hound you to by those cookies. Then they silently judge you for not buying cookies but for buying things in the store. If you are going to judge, then openly do. Silently judging is the worse. These little girls are trained to sell those cookies for the life. It’s like they are on RuPaul’s Drag Race, but with cookies instead of Drag Queens. I kind of want to go up to them and go “blink twice if you are being told to sell against your will.” I bet many of them will blink twice.
We, as a nation, need to investigate these delicious girl scout cookies. There is something not right with them and we need to find out what it is making them so damn addictive. I’m calling crack. I will also happily donate my time to the cause to help test all these Girl Scout Cookies. Together, we can
eat test all the cookies to find out what makes them so addictive.
Have an addiction to Girl Scout Cookies? Want to tell us we are crazy? Let us know in the comments below and tweet @Steven_Kaufman. Also make sure to follow us for more!!