A Letter to Nickelodeon 



Dear Nickelodeon,

I hope this letter finds you well. I’m writing this letter about a totally and complete travesty that happened at 2017 Kids Choice Awards. I’m appalled that Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj’s inspirational song “Side to Side” didn’t win the award for Favorite Song. I totally understand that this is a public voting award show but let’s be real-Side to Side got robbed.

“Side to Side” is a song about sticking with what makes you happy even if your friends don’t agree with it. It’s about going against your friends because you love someone so much that it hurts. How can a song like that possibly lose? The winning song “Work From Home” is a dirty song that kids shouldn’t be listening to. It’s also setting them up to think that they will be able to work from home. That’s a freaking hard thing to find. Everyone wants to be able to work from home.

How did “Work from Home” even end up as a nominee? Do you not screen the lyrics? Or did you just go “Work from Home” sounds like a clean pleasant song, let’s add it to the category? Well, here’s a sample of the lyrics that “the kids” voted for:

I know you’re always on the night shift
But I can’t stand these nights alone
And I don’t need no explanation
‘Cause baby, you’re the boss at home

How do these go past your censors? Fifth Harmony isn’t talking about who runs the household. They are talking about kinky sexual things. I mean, I’m not surprised this passes your censors due to the hidden sexual meanings in some of your older kid content. This was for the children. THE CHILDREN. We need to keep their ears and minds clean of that dirty stuff. “Side to Side” was probably the cleanest and safest songs for the children to listen to. Look at theses lyrics from “Side to Side:”

These friends keep talkin’ way too much
Say I should give you up
Can’t hear them no, ’cause I

Inspirational. All I’m saying is that “Work from Home” should be disqualified for explicit lyrics and strong sexual language. The award should be rewarded to the inspirational “Side to Side.” I even think that Fifth Harmony wouldn’t mind because they probably agree with their song isn’t for the children.Nickelodeon, please keep your edgy programming away from the young minds of American’s children.

Oh, gives a freaking VICTORiOUS reunion already. This is the perfect time to get Ariana Grande back on your channel and bring you the money you desperately need because your content right now is slacking. Your content is Spongebob, turtles that are Ninjas, and the Power Rangers. A VICTORiOUS reunion would save your channel. I’ve written a treatment for it already so you just need to produce it and get everyone…including Victoria Justice. She should be free, it’s not like she was nominated for Grammy and touring around the world. I’m pretty sure she’s just sitting at home dreaming of what could have been.


Love,

Steven Kaufman

P.S. please make The Splat its own channel or On Demand content…that would be really cool too.

P.S.S. bring back All That

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Also, make sure you follow me on Twitter for more shade and sass.

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