The Food Network is pure evil


foodnetwork-sm

While I don’t openly watch the Food Network, some people use it as a form of torture, I know enough about it to know that it’s the 7th level of hell. It’s the purest of evils and it’s what one could establish as the super evil. Where’s the investigate into these truly evil people?

The Food Network sets you up for failure. And they enjoy every minute of it. They make you want to “adventure into” trying to foods and new styles of cooking. They teach you and show you how and they have you set up to believe “I can do that. Yeah, I really can do it. It’s easy!” But you really can’t. The Food Network builds you up and then takes pleasure in watching/knowing that you failed. It’s like they sit in their offices/kitchens doing evil laughs and taking full enjoyment knowing that thousands of people aren’t going to be able to make the dish/meal completely right and have to eat a bowl of failure. Do you know what’s worse that knowing you are a failure? Eating your failure.

You might as you just set yourself to know that you are going to fail. You more than likely won’t be able to make the dish totally right. The majority of the people telling/showing you how to make it, have years of training. Cooking may seem easy enough but they have years of training. Can you see how tiny and fast they can cut up shit? It’s like they are robots. Normal people can’t do that without chopping off a finger. Do you want to lose a finger? I don’t think so. Blood is hard to clean up when it’s pouring out. It’s also hard to clean it up when you need to put pressure on it with the other hand. Also, no one like blood in their food.

If you are able to make the meal/dish, then you deserve a freaking medal. Some of those recipes are freaking hard. Half the ingredients either are hard to find or cost you an arm and a leg plus your first-born child’s child. If you have the ability to get them and successfully pull it off, then you need your own show because you must be a chef in a past life. Just stop what you are doing and open up your own restaurant with some name that no one knows how to announce but people know its super cool. If I had a restaurant, it will be named just random letters and numbers. Because why not, it’s my restaurant and the marketing writes itself.

Anyways, we need to stop the evil reign of terror that Food Network is putting on people’s lives. Pretty soon, we will have people with chopped off limbs and sadness because they are eating their own failure. #EndTheFailureEating

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you check out my Twitter for more loveliness. Give it a follow while you are at it.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s