Pop Project explains: Power Rangers

power-rangers

With the release of “Saban’s Power Rangers” tomorrow, I thought I would help break it down for you that aren’t familiar with the popular series and you want to see the movie. Welcome to”Pop Project Explains.” This is where I explain pop culture to you so can understand. Just without further ado, let’s get started in explaining “Power Rangers.”

“Power Rangers” is an American adaptation of the Japanese’s show called “Super Sentai.” Americans copy everything that makes that dolla dolla so does this really surprise you? The Japanese fight scenes of “Super Sentai” is mixed in with American shot footage in a 20 minute Frankenstein creation. It’s pretty much American’s doing all the talking and some fighting until they need morph. Then the Japanese footage kicks in. Pretty much, the Japanese do all the work. Just because they can take down Godzilla doesn’t mean they need to save the world every time. But this has been the format for over 20 seasons.  Do you feel old now that you realize that Power Rangers can drink legally? Now, let’s get into the premise because it’s a doozy. Before I dive into it, I’m only covering the premise of the original series, “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers,” because that is where this movie takes.

An evil powerful witch named Rita Repulsa is trapped on the moon in a concrete trash can with her minions for over 10,000 years. Apparently, she’s not that powerful to escape a concrete trash can because Astronauts had to open it up. Either lids are anti-magic or Rita doesn’t know how to work them. They then decided to take over the nearest planet, which happens to be Earth. Glad to hear that Rita was able to keep up on her astronomy. It’s amazing that she knows what Earth looks like when it probably wasn’t called that in 10,000 years, looks totally different, and has no way to see what it looks like from a concrete trash can.

Terrified, the talking head in a tube named Zordon hears about Rita escaping and tells his robotic slave Alpha 5 to summon-aka kidnap- ” five overbearing and overemotional humans.” Like why would you want moody teenagers to help you fight the world? If I wanted to form an army, that would be the last age group on my mind. Can you picture how well that will go?

Zordon: Rangers, Rita has sent down a monster to attack the city. You

Teen 1: So? What do you want me to do about?

Zordon: You must head down and save the city.

Teen 2: You ain’t my daddy!

Teen 3: I’m not heading down if Teen 4 is going down. I’m not in the mood to deal with her day.

Teen 4: Do you want to go? We’ll so go you little-

Alpha 5: Ai-yi-yi! Zordon, I told you this was a bad idea.

And to top it all off, the teenagers they kidnap aren’t even like that. They are literally the children that every parent wants to have. They are overly involved in community service, they teach classes to the youth, and they are in the top 10% of their class. Hell, they are the top 5% in the class. That doesn’t sound like overbearing and overemotional to me. Also, why would you just want five in your army? Doesn’t that sound like a disadvantage? Wouldn’t you want more? And you know it’s all one big bad idea when your robotic slave doesn’t like the idea.

Zordon gave the teens the power to change/morph into colorful tights that have dinosaurs helmets, kind of like the ones in his fantasies. Yeah, I went there. The powers even turn the yellow ranger into a man when she has her helmet on. He didn’t even ask her if she wants to be a man. How rude is that? At least give her a choice. I mean, it’s a good thing she can go back to be female but still. And how come no one on the team wonders that the yellow ranger has a sex change when she’s in her tights? Especially the Pink Ranger when she’s the other girl on the team? Are they that clueless? I mean, most of them don’t even question the kidnapping. So they probably are clueless.

Anyways, Rita sends down the putty patrol to “scare” the teens but that just ends up making them overly confident because the putties suck. Like they never have them Power Rangers on the run. The teens easily defeat them as teens. They don’t need colorful tights to beat them. After that, Rita sends down her monster. The monster usually forces the Power Rangers to put on their tights. Oh, and the monster is made by her minions and not her, so you know how great it will be. In their training to be Power Rangers, which was all of like four minutes, they are taught to take the time pose and yell their dinosaurs while the city is under attack in order to “taunt” the monster and to call on their powers. By the time they do this, they could have defeated the monster. Also, why does the monster just let them do it? Just kill them while they are doing it. They fight before putting down the monster. Rita decides to finally use her magic and makes the monster grow. Zordon then allows the teens to drive robot fighting machines called that combine together to form a huge ass robot called Zords. They pose for this too. That seems to be the real super power they have. The eventually end up destroy part of the town and the monster. Don’t worry, no one really dies. It’s a kids show. Oh, and who taught them to drive the Zords because I’m pretty sure that didn’t cover that in orientation because they spent all of that posing.

After she loses, Rita magically gets a “headache” and decides to beat up her minions. I would too because how in the hell do you explain that you got beat up my multicolored teenagers in tights without sounding lame? But hey, Rita is one big bitch because all she does it try to make teenagers cry. Instead of attacking any other city in the world that doesn’t have multicolor teens in tights (spoiler: it’s all of them…besides NYC and LA-those are just people don’t have powers), she’s after to make them cry so they will step aside and let her win. And you think after the first couple time she would move on, but nope. I give Rita props for never giving up, but you got to know when to quit. Frankly, I would just throw my wand at their homes and make them fall into the earth every time one of my monsters grew. The ground is already going to split apart when the monster grows, might as well make it work for you. At least then, you might be able to win.

That is the beginning premise of the original series of “Power Ranger.” Sounds like a shit show? Yeah, it kind of is. The wonderful shit show it is, though.

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