I bet you didn’t know that I’m also a lifestyle guru. It’s a little-known fact about me and I’m going to share some of my wonderful knowledge with you. Today, I’m going to help you deal with Ponzi scheming pyramid scheme sellers. These scheming schemers that are harassing your broke ass to purchase things. This is brought to you by the girl who Demi Lovato told smells good.
I bet Drew Barrymore in “Scream” wish she had me to help her when she picked up that phone. She’d still be dead because I’d run for the hills but it wouldn’t have been so fast. I’d use her as a distraction as I fled. Anyways, this isn’t for all of them but the ones who just won’t take no for an answer. Not all of them are like this, but these are the extreme cases. Someone, you don’t know very well, messages you on Facebook with this:
Hey gurl, I have something that will really rock your world. My company, lovely lace lollipops, sells lollipops shaped like laced up penises and vagina lollipops. And we are running a special right now. The special is that for every 4 lollipops you buy, you get a sexy candy laced up bikini made of entirely of candy flavored asparagus. Interested?
If the candy flavored asparagus wasn’t a selling point enough, you politely declined but they don’t take that as an answer and they are persistent with and pretty much are harassing you into buying their products. They are worst than door-to-door salesmen because then, you can just close the door and move on. But I have a solution that will end the conversation. You are going to be so pissed off that you didn’t think about it first.
What you do is that you take their sales pitch, and replace it so it looks like you are selling drugs, humans, or something illegal. I recommend combining all into the pitch. Here’s an example using the message posted above:
Hey gurl, I have something that will really rock your world. My company, dipshit say what, sells drugs for half of their cost on the street. And we are running a special right now. The special is that for every ounce of drugs you buy, there’s a special “surprise” inside. All the drugs are 75% legit to begin with. If you think that the special “surprise” is good, wait until you hear about the other deals going on…
At this point, you should be able to leave this conversation with nothing left to lose. But if they continue on, that is when you add in about how your company is selling newborn babies or brides the whole way from Agrabah. People already think it’s a real place so just go with it. Continue this on until they get the hint and just move on. Eventually, they will because you think you are strange. Please note that I’m not responsible for any bad things that come up from this like jail time. Use this with caution if you decide to be a smartass.
Another way to avoid pesky Ponzi scheme schemes is to just ignore them. It might not be as fun as the one mentioned above, but it will work. Just ignoring them is rude but will surely get the message across with irony of their being no message. It’s the adult thing to do but it’s not really worth be an adult sometimes.
I hope that my lifestyle tips will change your life. I’ll help you live that smartass lifestyle.
Levae your thoughts in the comments below. Also, make sure you follow me on Twitter for the sake of the children.