Another letter to President Trump

trump-sm

Dear President Trump,

I hope this letter find you well and not on a golf course. I’m writing you this letter, again, because I feel like the first letter didn’t really click with you. So, we’re going to try this again and hope that maybe it will help. Let’s be honest, it’s probably won’t but I can try to think positively, right?

I’m just going to come out and say it: You really just need to stop. Do you really need to be such a dick on social media? Just because you don’t agree with things, that doesn’t mean that you have to be such a tool. You don’t really need to comment on every single news story that has your name on it. Just like you don’t need to push the same “story” to try to get people’s attention off of you. You’ve been in the public eye before, you should know what not to do. It’s also ironic that you are pushing this “oh, this is fake new! Don’t trust insert media outlet” and yet, you are the one causing most of the fake news story.

You also need to top throwing tempter tantrums on your social media when things don’t go your way. If life goes the way we wanted, then you wouldn’t be president. I’m sorry, that one was rather harsh. True but harsh. You just got to roll with the punches and move on. Calling people names and blaming others isn’t doing that. It’s rather the opposite, it’s like taking your ball and going home because Jimmy wouldn’t let you be team captain so you say “screw you, let me see you play with came without a ball.” Literally, that is what you are doing. Grow up and move on. It sucks but it’s what we all have to do.

Now, I’m not really sure if you are aware but people are supposed to like the President enough to trust him. Right now, you are very much failing at it like Reality television stars fail at staying relevant in the media after their show is over. Oops, was that too close to home? Anyways, by being a tool and a dick, that’s not getting people to like you. Whether you want to admit it or not, regardless it’s true, your ratings are the worst in history. You are still at a point where you can turn it around. It was will be very hard but you can do it. Just need to let someone else run your twitter and make your staff more likeable. Literally, ¬†no one in your cabinet is likeable. Did you pick them to make yourself more likeable? Was it a “I have an idea and it will be HUUUGGGE! Make my cabinet less likeable that me and then people will be like ‘hey, Trump aint that bad!’?” If that was the plan, then it was a stupid plan.

I could sit here a literally just tell you all the things to make your cabinet needs to improve on but then we would literally be here all day. You have a country to run. All I am saying is that you need to be less of tool, let someone else run your social media, and attempt to make your cabinet more likeable and less like a bunch of assholes that America wants to punch in the face.

Also, Have you thought about making your presidency into a reality show? I all ready wrote up a treatment and it’s pretty much “The OC” meets “West Wing.” Let me know if you are interested, and we’ll see what we can work out.

Have a wonderful day, and please remember: don’t be a tool

Steven Kaufman

P.S. Please tell Putin and Russia I give my regards ūüėČ

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter because I’m awesome.

Advertisements

A Letter to Nickelodeon 


Dear Nickelodeon,

I hope this letter finds you well. I’m writing this letter about a totally and complete travesty that happened at 2017 Kids Choice Awards. I’m appalled that Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj’s inspirational song “Side to Side” didn’t win the award for Favorite Song. I totally understand that this is a public voting award show but let’s be real-Side to Side got robbed.

“Side to Side” is a song about sticking with what makes you happy even if your friends don’t agree with it. It’s about going against your friends because you love someone so much that it hurts. How can a song like that possibly lose? The winning song “Work From Home” is a dirty song that kids shouldn’t be listening to. It’s also setting them up to think that they will be able to work from home. That’s a freaking hard thing to find. Everyone wants to be able to work from home.

How did “Work from Home” even end up as a nominee? Do you not screen the lyrics? Or did you just go “Work from Home” sounds like a clean pleasant song, let’s add it to the category? Well, here’s a sample of the lyrics that “the kids” voted for:

I know you’re always on the night shift
But I can’t stand these nights alone
And I don’t need no explanation
‘Cause baby, you’re the boss at home

How do these go past your censors? Fifth Harmony isn’t talking about who runs the household. They are talking about kinky sexual things. I mean, I’m not surprised this passes your censors due to the hidden sexual meanings in some of your older kid content. This was for the children. THE CHILDREN. We need to keep their ears and minds clean of that dirty stuff. “Side to Side” was probably the cleanest and safest songs for the children to listen to. Look at theses lyrics from “Side to Side:”

These friends keep talkin’ way too much
Say I should give you up
Can’t hear them no, ’cause I

Inspirational. All I’m saying is that “Work from Home” should be disqualified for explicit lyrics and strong sexual language. The award should be rewarded to the inspirational “Side to Side.” I even think that Fifth Harmony wouldn’t mind because they probably agree with their song isn’t for the children.Nickelodeon, please keep your edgy programming away from the young minds of American’s children.

Oh, gives a freaking VICTORiOUS reunion already. This is the perfect time to get Ariana Grande back on your channel and bring you the money you desperately need because your content right now is slacking. Your content is Spongebob, turtles that are Ninjas, and the Power Rangers. A VICTORiOUS reunion would save your channel. I’ve written a treatment for it already so you just need to produce it and get everyone…including Victoria Justice. She should be free, it’s not like she was nominated for Grammy and touring around the world. I’m pretty sure she’s just sitting at home dreaming of what could have been.

http://i.giphy.com/3oGNDG0A8Dk7AtwB5C.gif
Love,

Steven Kaufman

P.S. please make The Splat its own channel or On Demand content…that would be really cool too.

P.S.S. bring back All That

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Also, make sure you follow me on Twitter for more shade and sass.

Let’s go build a wall, today

1

 

the-wall-donald Trump

Donld is right…it’s going to be HUGGGE

Sigh. Looks like we need to talk more about Trump

On Tuesday night, Donald Trump tweeted out the following:

As planned out during his campaign, which I think a lot of us thought he was joking, President Trump and his team, Cirque du Trump, said that he was going to build a legitimate wall separating the United States and Mexico. The kicker is that Mexico is going to pay for it. This has me intrigued and here’s why.

I really want to see why how Trump talks another country into paying for a wall that is pretty much cutting them off from the US. That would take some clever wordplay and psychology-something that Trump isn’t really known for. I also don’t think he realizes how much this wall is going to cost. According to the Telegraph (sorry that I had to outsource), the wall is going to be roughly 1,900 miles and span four states. That’s going be a lot of money. Especially when you take the exchange rate into mind. They are saying that it will be around $8 billion. While that’s not a lot of Trump, that could pretty much bankrupt a country if they aren’t run by Trump.

In his inauguration speech, President Trump said: “We must protect our borders from the ravages of other countries making our products, stealing our companies and destroying our jobs.” So how is building a wall stopping Mexican’s from making our products? It’s not like we are building sometime top-secret that anyone¬†can’t make. They really can’t steal our companies or destroy our jobs either. If you have the Mexican government pay for the wall, won’t they be using their own workforce to build the wall. That will steal jobs from Americans though. Seems like that’s the opposite of what you said.

The real question about the wall is whether it is going to have a food court. Let’s be real: that wall is a tourist attraction. It better has some damn good food. I also want a freaking mall of goods and services. I want to be able to say Hola! and grab some Orange Julius¬†with some amigos with a big wall between us. Is that so hard to ask? It’s going to be HUUUUUGGGGEEE!

If we build a wall to keep Mexico out, then we might as build one for Canada and the merpeople. I thought about the United States needing a wall for Russian but then I remembered¬†about Sarah Palin having it covered by watching them from her compound because she can see them from her backyard. Who needs board control when you have Sarah Palin? Back to Canadians and merpeople. Those pesky and polite Canadians have already taken away jobs with their delicious Tim Hortons. Let’s not forgot about all the talented and attractive Canadian entertainers that have taken jobs from their less talented American counterparts who think they are the next big thing. What else will¬†this talented and polite country take from America, eh?

The merpeople are vicious creatures. Their women are vixens and seduce American men into marriage every day. Did you know that one in five American males is to be seduced by a mermaid every day? I bet you didn’t. Did also you know that one in seven women is to be seduced by a merman?¬†Those¬†are chilling statistics. Ariel seduced Eric just so she can be a legal citizen. Then her people attack the country when her daughter went missing. These are the alternative facts people. We need to act now before American¬†sons/daughters fall for a mermaid/merman and take away a significant other from an American.

All in all, let’s see what becomes of this wall. And if the wall doesn’t happen, we’ll just move Sarah Palin down to the Mexican border to watch over it since Donald Trump seems to be in good with the Vladmir Putin. The Russians are under control. But we need to work fast to stop the merpeople and the polite and pesky Canadians. They are the real danger.

 

Have an opinion on the wall? Let us know in the comments below or tweet @Steven_Kaufman using #PopProject. 

A letter to Fangirls

fangirls-sm

Dear Fangirls,

How are you today? I hope this letter is finding you well. I’m writing this letter because you guys are just too much anymore.

Last weekend, nude photos leaked of Teen Wolf stars Tyler Posey and Cody Christian. You girls, and some guys #nojudgement, decided to take the high road and tweet about how you aren’t looking, linking, or retweeting the photos because “they broke their privacy and is disrespectful to the actors.” While this is commendable, you are trying to fool. We all know that you were eating that stuff like it’s candy. We’ve all heard about your fan fiction that you have written.Your fan fiction is pornographic. You can’t take a moral high road like that. If you guys have very dirty and descriptive minds. There’s no way you didn’t take a peek at the pictures.

It also doesn’t help that you aren’t really respectful of their privacy to begin with. You guys are thirsty and trying to slide into their DMs (translation: they are private messaging celebrities in order to get into their pants) just so you can sext them. You also harass them with it and post things very vulgar to them. So pretty much, you are being very hypocritical about privacy and respect.

While I agree that the actors privacy was broken and we shouldn’t be showing their junk to the world without their knowledge, you looked at it, made it your wallpaper, and screenshot it for the future. I’m not judging you for doing that if you did, you just admit you did look at them. It’s only human to look.

So please stop with the whole high horse crap and just admit that you are thirsty for the celebrities you fangirl over. There’s nothing wrong with it. The only thing ¬†that is the problem is you living a lie. So please just be honest: you looked at the pictures. That’s all I ask besides you keep it in your pants and off the internet ya nasty.

Love,

Steven

Have an opnion on the matter? Let us know in the comments below or tweet @Steven_Kaufman using #PopProject