Nick Jonas’ NSFW Album review

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On Monday, Nick Jonas released his newest album, his first solo album since 2004. Boy, has Nick Jonas grown up a lot since 2004. When I was making the banner for this album review, the picture I chose was really the only recently photo that didn’t have him shirtless. That’s right, I had a hard time finding an appropriate picture for a freaking Jonas Brother. If that is an indicator of how this album review will be going, then this is going to be an interesting review.

Nick Jonas’ newest album has a parental advisor sticker on it. No, It’s not like his older brother Joe’s album that just had Lil Wayne swearing on it, but rather because Nick Jonas himself reveals that he has a very dirty mouth. It’s nothing that will make Xtina want to clean up her act (jump up and down if you get the reference) but rather just one that will make you need to take a cold shower. Nick pretty much wrote an album that is full of baby making music. He even stated to E! Online that he wants people to have sex to his music:

Every artist’s real goal is to have people have sex to your music

I bet that’s why The Wiggles do what they do-so they can have more fans. And can I just point out that this is the same guy that wore a purity ring on stage for years? Anyways, the albums songs are extremely catchy like an STD. They get stuck in your head and then they won’t leave. The album has this nice R&B feel to it and is slightly like Justin Timberlake’s latest album-minus the long ass songs. I’m sorry but I like JT and everything but there is no need to have songs longer than 4 minutest. Nobody’s got time for that!

The only thing that didn’t work was the fact that when I was listening to the album I just kept picturing Nick Jonas in “Camp Rock” and not this hunky one that makes having Diabetes look so sweet. This was only for the first couple songs. After that, it was totally fine. I surprising enjoyed this album way too much and I wasn’t even a Jonas Brother fan. I totally recommend this album for it’s a good listen, even if you aren’t having sex.

Rating: 5 purity rings out of 5

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Did you like Nick Jonas’ new album? Let us know in the comments below

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The Jelena Saga: The Heart Wants What It Wants

JelenaWell, it finally happens. We finally have a Jelena love song that is worth reviewing. I know what you may be thinking, “What about that one Justin Bieber album that he did featuring a breakup songs?” Well, that album sucked and we won’t be mention that pile of  Monkey poo. Here is Selena Gomez’s song “The Heart Wants What It Wants”:

So the song is pretty much Selena confessing that her heart wants to love Justin so much even though he isn’t good for her (She’s way more romantic than Justin). Lyrically, the song shows it’s stride with its metaphors. It’s utterly and filled with metaphors. It’s like Selena pulled out a dictionary and decided to read. She’s pretty much telling us her love for Justin Bieber is metaphors. It’s a shame that this song is on a greatest hits album because it’s going to be overlooked and under appreciated.

The video for the song is just one big glimpse into the Jelena love, including a drunken rant in the beginning of the song. The video’s version of J-Biebs seems to be like less of a douche than the real one. He seems like a fine young man who has his life together and not one that would be a huge douchenugget that forgets monkeys in countries and pees in buckets. Pretty much, the actor playing Justin Bieber is a better Justin Bieber than the real one.

Overall, it’s an amazing song for a subject that we love to hate. Personally, I’m tired of constantly hearing about Jelena and how they are always breaking up and then getting back together. Just make up your damn mind!

 

Rating: 4 drunken voice mails out of 5

 

Do you like Selena’s new single or do you think that it’s just okay? Let us know in the comments below

Movie Review: ‘The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story’

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Saved by the Bell

Like most people, I was pretty excited when I heard that there was going to be a behind the scenes TV show about the classic Saturday morning TV show “Saved By the Bell.” While I was too young to watch it while it was on its original run (my dad watched “the college years”, which was a train wreck btw), I watched the show in syndication and I come to enjoy the show. Because of this and my love for watching tv movie about what happened behind the scenes of tv shows (“Growing Up Brady” is my all time favorite), I decided that I was going to watching the “Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story” in hopes of finding out all the dirt about what happened after the bell rang, so to speak. I watched it and well, its time for me to review it.

The movie is pretty much your standard Lifetime movie train wreck. Picture it like “Degrassi” but the writers of the movie did a massive amount of drugs and alcohol before they wrote it. The movie is told through the perspective of Dustin Diamond, who played Screech. Throughout the movie, it’s talks about the behind the scenes drama….of Dustin. His fellow “Bell” (apparently that’s what the cool kids called it back in the day) castmate just happened to be around and got to share some of the screen time. Pretty much, the movie should be called “The Authorized Dustin Diamond Story: The Saved by The Bell Years” because it was all told through Dustin’s POV.

While it was just 2 hours of “Boo, my life is horrible and I’m unpopular” from Dustin Diamond, it did teach us that Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack) is really half asian, Lark Voorhies (Lisa) is a Jehovah Witness, Dustin was a depressed alcoholic during the show’s run, and the network really didn’t like these kids. I mean they REALLY didn’t like these kids. They probably would have sold them to the black market for money because they hated them that much.

The most annoying part of the movie is that it didn’t cover the goddamn college years or the new class! HOW IN THE HELL CAN YOU NOT COVER THAT??? They gave “Good Morning, Miss Bliss” like 30 minutes of the movie but only mentioned “Saved By the Bell: The College Years” for like 5 seconds as screeched talked about his fellow co-stars success after “Bell.” No one gives a fly flute about Miss Bliss. Yes, they should have mentioned it and briefly covered it because without it, there would no “Saved by the Bell.” But was it really necessary to cover it for that long and not cover “Saved by the Bell: The College Years” and “Saved by the Bell: The New Class”? Hell to no.

The movie itself is two hours that I will never get back. It was like a train wreck, you couldn’t stop watching it. It was again, too over dramatic. You couldn’t take it seriously with how dramatic it is. I was waiting for one of the girls to wind up getting knocked up by Mario Lopez (AC Slater), which was apparently a common occurrence on set but with “groupies”. It also didn’t help that the adult on the show would use the excuse that “They’re just teenagers” for everything the cast would do wrong.

Overall, it’s what you would expect for a Lifetime movie. It’s obvious that no one else would want to produce the movie because of the fact that it’s told from the POV of Dustin Diamond and that it’s a one-sided perspective. If you are bored and there is nothing on, then I would watch the movie. But other than that, I would avoid this movie like the cast of Saved by the Bell avoids Dustin Diamond.

 

Rating: 2.5 bottles of Jessie Spano’s caffeine pills out of 5

 

Have an opinion of this movie? let us know in the comment below

Ariana Grande releases “My Everything”

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After releasing her record-breaking début album almost one year ago, Ariana Grande released her new album on Monday and it looks like our little Ariana is growing up (insert the tears and sniffles.) Since you love Ariana as much as we do, we thought that we would review the awesomeness that is her second album “My Everything.”

“My Everything” is an album filled with mature lyrics and a bit different sound from Ariana that was featured in “Yours Truly.” The album itself is more poppy and less r&B-y. While the R&B aspect of her music is still there in some respect, it isn’t heavily influencing the album like it did on her début album. The album sound is bit all-over the place so there really isn’t one style for the album and it surprising works for the album. It keeps the album fresh and shows the versatility of Ariana’s voice. Now, there are like ballads that show off Ariana’s Mariah Carey-like vocals. And yes, they make up a chuck of the album like one would expect from the second coming of sane Mariah Carey. This isn’t a problem…yet. While I love her voice, if she keeps doing the albums like this-it will become stale.

The album also features an vocal orgy of featured Artist like Iggy Azalea, Big Sean, Jessie J and Nicki Minaj (on the deluxe version), and other random artist that I have never heard of before. And yes, there is another “Popular” on this album as well…ugh.  On the deluxe version, “Bang Bang” is one of the track. While I like the song and everything, this is pointless just like putting “Popular” on “Your Truly.” They don’t heavily feature Ariana on the track and is pretty much the same one that was already out and on an album. Now if it was a different version, like “Almost is Never Enough, or one that is sung fully by Ariana then that would be different. But that’s really the only problem with the album.

Overall, “My Everything” is an amazing follow-up to “Your Truly.” We do recommend you do buy the deluxe version because it’s worth the extra couple of bucks.

 

Rating: 4 Mr. Purples out of 5

 

Having an opinion on Ariana’s newest album? Leave it in the comments below