Sweetwater Tea Episode 5: The Stranger

Listen up fives, a ten is speaking and I’m in the mood for some chaos. Sorry to interrupt, sad breakfast club.  There’s definitely a lot of chaos in our fateful town. Hopefully you’re in the sex bunker because this tea will scar you. Will the news that Archiekins is seemingly swimming with the fishes rock the town with pep? Or will everyone’s favorite daddy put this news in time out? Welcome to Sweetwater tea.

You never truly leave Riverdale…Riverdale leaves you in the ground

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Old Archie can’t come to the phone right now

Old Taylor isn’t the only thing that is dead. Riverdale’s resident abs wunderkind apparently is dead. Old Archie that is. But luckily for us, the body is alive and kicking. Dem abs have come back into Riverdale alive and well and his lovable doggie boyfriend made okay too as well. But will Riverdale accept Archiekins back in with open arms?

The answer there is of course. Who doesn’t love a sensitive yet harden former jailbird with a set of abs you can bake cookies on? A didn’t realize that Riverdale has moved on while he was off playing metrosexual lumberjack in the great maple north. It’s just like how his friends and family haven’t realized that this isn’t the same Archie that left. Will they realize that Archie is just seeing red for revenge? Or is it too late to save Archie from his personal demons that have consumed his non-existent ginger soul? Or will he finally let his love for Kevin Keller save it? So the last one may not be true, but a girl can dream, right?

Between rock and a hard set of abs

We feel for you R

Oh, V, didn’t Daddykins ever teach you that two is a party but three is a crowd? While I support and encourage throuples, they are only in okay in the bedroom in Riverdale. Throuples aren’t Ronnie things and with Archiekins back in town, V seemingly pushed Reggiekins to the side. He was last years Prada bag. While everyone wants their “veggie,” “Varchie” looked to be getting back into the swing of things. And by the swing of things, I mean having sex all over the place. Apparently, she’s paying the serpents extra for that kind of protection. Someone should really tell them that sex is only okay in the bunker and not in/under Pops. That’s a major health code violation besides just being tacky. Is tacky is something that you want associated with the Lodge name, Ronniekins?

Poor Reggie is forced to resort in Bumble to mend his broken, well-sculpted heart. Loose lips sink ships, and Reggie’s loose lips definitely sunk their ship. Was it intentional or was it just an accident? Time will only tell. The only thing I know is that it was the iceberg that sunk the U.S.S Varchie faster than the Titanic. But can you really sink something that was even afloat to begin with?

Hiram Lodge: Daddy AF

Don’t worry B. You weren’t the only one to say this when poor Daddykins got shot

It’s rough to be the DILF of Riverdale. All the planning and scheme and manipulating really takes a toll on a person. Especially when two other daddies try to set up to Daddykins. Fred Andrews decided to storm into Hiram’s humble abode and go all Beverly Hills, 90210 on his ass. Of course, Freddiekins didn’t go in alone. He decided to go to the local pet store for a serpent. He got the king serpent. Does F really think the King DILF is going to be spooked by that?

Spoiler: Hiram wasn’t and in fact, Hiram just blew it off. Can you blame him? He has other things to worry about. It appears that someone got brave and shot our precious Daddykins. You know what they say; when you take a shot at the baddest DILF in Riverdale, make sure you hit. Because when Hiram shoots, he never misses. Who shot Daddykins? V thinks it was A. But was it really the butler that shot Daddykins with the gun in parlor? Looks like Ronnie will need more than a game of “Clue” to figure out who try take out daddy. Of course, it could have been Ronniekins herself? Hell hath no fury like a scorn of Lodge.

Everyone loves a daddy in Uniform

There’s a new sheriff in town and I hear he’s a little bit of a snake. Who doesn’t love a daddy in Uniform? Especially when that daddy is FP Jones. Looks like Miss Daddykins didn’t like the plans that Hiram had wanted. What Hermione wants, Hermione gets. And she wanted FP in a uniform. Can you blame a girl?

Serpents bite the hand that feeds the Gargoyle King

While the true villain of Riverdale came out in the form of the PSATs, Jughead Jones continued on with his plans to strike at the Gargoyle Gang. Juggiekins and his band of serpents, with the help of hottie Fangs, took down the Man in Black’s, aka Hiram, team one by one. Turns out, the man posing as the Gargoyle King was an old friend of the serpents. Tall Boy.

A less known serpent who recently appeared with the wicked bitch of Northside Penny Peabody and the Ghoulies. It’s just too bad that he died in the sex bunker before Jughead got any answers. J did get good use of Archie and Veronica’s handcuffs and that wicked right hand. But that’s why you get when you leave your minions to do your dirty work. But was Tall Boy really the Gargoyle King or was it just an elaborate plan by the head daddy in charge to keep Jughead at bay? If I was Jughead, I wouldn’t let my guard down just yet. The more to still story.

But has Jughead has forgotten about the wrath of the HBIC? Will Cheryl Bombshell exploded onto J after what he did to her and Toni? Of course, she will. Cheryl might forgive but she’s doesn’t forget. She just gets even. She has a arrow with his name on it. Pointed right at his heart.

The Cooper Family Values

Maybe Choni can fund Betty Cooper to College with their sex money

While Jughead was having private rendezvous with hunky Fangs in his and Betty’s sex bunker, Betty had other things on her mind. Like her mother becomes the farm’s resident MILF. Alice Cooper turned into a cult MILF and funded their newest endeavor. How? Well, Alice also got a little bit of the sticky fingers. It’s so bad in fact that Betty had to go visit Daddy in the big house. Mommy Dearest happen to forge his signature in order to purchase a home for the children in the Betty Cooper foundation for the Children of the Gargoyle. Nothing says home sweet home like a place that even the nuns killed themselves to get out of. I guess Betty doesn’t need to go to college when you can just study with a cult for free.

Turns out the only women that Hal Cooper has coming back for more is his daughter and his cousin. That’s right, the town whore Penelope Blossom was parading to prison as Alice Cooper. Penelope was helping Hal get his rocks off. Not even his fellow prison mates want Hal to drop the soap. Too bad too, Hal probably wouldn’t have caught an STD from dropping the soap. But does the fact that B is visiting her dearly fucked up daddy a sign of forgiveness? Or is she just looking tap into the family darkness that turned her father onto his path to be the Black Hood?

Just because it seems like a happy ending is coming to the town with pep, doesn’t mean that it will be. What comes up, must always come down. And in Riverdale, it comes down hard and fast. Get ready kiddos, looks like you will soon be wishing that the PSATs and the Gargoyle King will be the only thing you have to worry about. Your world is about to get fucked worst than one of Hal and Penelope’s prison hookup.

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Sweetwater Tea Episode 4: No Exit

Listen up fives, a ten is speaking and I’m in the mood for some chaos. Sorry to interrupt, sad breakfast club. No one is leaving and they are certainly are entering the town with pep. Can you really blame them? I wouldn’t want to leave the town with Hiram Lodge in it. Don’t worry your little heads, Riverdale. I’m still here to give you a hot cup of tea that you deserve. It’s not as contiguous like the lies plaguing the town. Welcome to Sweetwater Tea.

Don’t worry B. It will all be over soon…at least you hope

Click here for the latest Sweetwater Tea |Click here if you want to play a game

It’s a mad mad world

It’s been five long weeks since Daddykins closed the gates into Riverdale. Archiekins is off being a hot metrosexual lumberjack. I wonder if Kevin Keller gave him some tips on surviving the woods. After all, he’s an expert on it. As dem abs settle into his life in the woods, someone decides to commit a felony by injuring 2018 hottest redhaired male. Who would do such a heinous act? It’s not like there’s a bounty on A’s head. With Ronniekins not there to nurse his wounds, poor A began to see dead people. Either I’ll have what he’s having or something bad is coming towards that Archie. Word of the river is that by the time someone got to poor Archiekins, it might have been a little too late. Could Hiram have finally stuck it to A or is he just a casualty of war? But hey, it could have been just a bear…I heard from Kevin Kevin there’s a lot of them in the woods.

The lies Daddykins tells me

Grab your armor, there’s a civil war going on. Veronica Cecilia Lodge has decided to go to war with her father. Daughter like Father, right? You think that Hiram would be proud that V is just a little version of him. But all is fair in love and war. And it’s war when you have something that the DILF wants. And the DILF wants part of Veronica’s money. He plans on getting by any mean necessary. For someone who swears he’s not the Gargoyle King, having a gang of Gargoyles attack Ronniekins’ shipments doesn’t help that cause.

But how does one fight Gargoyles? With serpents, of course. V used her connections with the serpent king to signed them up for the standard Lodge employment plan: cheap labor and protection. Too bad Hiram’s gang wasn’t the thing that Ronnie needs protections for. V was spotted kissing Reggie “douchey abs” Mantle in her place of business. I don’t know what kind of business she is running but sign me up. What would Archie think about Veggie becoming a thing? Oh, wait…

Choni and the Pussycats

The Pussycats are back in town and they have a taste for petty thef, women, and the finer things in life. Too bad they aren’t the ones that sang and swayed behind Josie Mccoy. Cheryl Bombshell and Toni might have long tails and ears for hats but they are teaming up for a little destruction. Besides stealing kisses and jewelry, Cheryl also looks like she is after more. The HBIC is back and she’s looking for her crown. Too bad that she was quickly put in her place by the Serpent King. Does Jughead not realize that hell hath no fury like a Blossoms scorn?

The Betty Cooper Foundation for the Children of the Gargoyle

Like taking in a box of homeless kittens, our little dynamo Betty Cooper has taken in the children she freed from Our Lady of Quiet Mercy and Murder. In between hot love sessions with Jughead and trying to take down Daddykins with jailed nuns, B seems to have bitten off more than she could chew. Even Riverdale’s resident MILF, Alice Cooper, believes so. Turns out, the farm takes in all the strays. If anyone can help the children of the gargoyle kick their cult-like addiction to role-playing games and drugs, it’s another cult that throws babies in a fire pit while on drugs.

Guess B lose their support once they realize that the only thing she’s the queen of is being shady. And just when you think B’s day can’t get any worst, the sisters of Our Lady of Quiet Mercy and Murder decided it was time to meet their maker and take a vow of silence for eternity. If I was B, I would head down the river for some magically inspirational. Or maybe a trip to the sex bunker with J will help her get inspired. Or is that where she’s just keeping her secrets for now?

Buckle up, bitches…

Seems like the only thing that Riverdale needs to be quarantined from is all the lies. As Hiram’s plan falls in place, what will the town with pep do once they realize that the abs of Riverdale are in danger? Or will it all just be a drug-induced dream? Only time will tell. Go into your sex bunker kiddos, a nuclear bomb is about to go off in Riverdale.

If you breathe it’s because I give you air….

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Hey Riverdale, I want to play a game…

Listen up bitches, this just got a little bit interesting. When we last left the town with pep, all hell has broken loose thanks in part to the 2018 DILF of the year Hiram Lodge. Hiram is the only one pulling the strings anymore. I want to play a game.

Click Here for last edition of Sweetwater Tea

Here’s the game and it’s a pretty easy one to follow. This game isn’t like that horrid game going around town right now. It’s just an easy game of bingo. Any time an event happens, just mark off one of the spaces. Easy enough, right? I’ll even give you the square about visiting Pop’s right off the bat. It’s not a trip to Riverdale without getting a burger from Pop’s right? Here’s the board and the time is now. Let’s turn the chaos into a fun time.

Now don’t you fret, this won’t be the last you hear from me today. Did you think you could have a party without Me? I’m always around when you least expect it. Remember, if you breathe it’s because I give you air.

Netflix’s ‘You’ is the thriller you need to watch

I decided to watch “You” on Netflix because I let society determine my viewing habits and what shows are cool and what shows are not. It actually took me like a couple of days to finish all ten episodes “You.” I paced myself in the beginning because it was a lot to handle. So let’s dive into the show that has everyone freaking out.

I always feel like somebody’s watching me 

“You” was originally a series on Lifetime that premiered in 2018. It starred Penn Badgley (“Gossip Girl”) and Elizabeth Lail (“Once Upton A Time”) as the two main characters of the series. The series was developed by Greg Berlanti. That’s right. The guy that has given us “Riverdale” made this show. When I found this out, immediately got excited because 90% of the shows I watch he touches. He also directed “Love, Simon.” The show is based off of the novel “You,” written by Caroline Kepnes.

The show follows Joe Goldman (Badgley) as he falls in love with Guinevere Beck (Lail) after meeting her in his book store. This is a modern love story as Joe checks her out on social media. He then takes it to a whole other level by legitimately stalking her. Like full fledge creeping out your window stalking. The series then follows Joe and Guinevere’s love story from start to finish.

From the very start, you can tell that it is/was a Lifetime show. Lifetime shows have a certain feel and look to them. “You” has that look and feel. It’s not a bad thing because it’s actually a much better show than what is usually on Lifetime. It took a while for the show to really get into the story but when it did, it kept you in engaged in it.

For me, it was just creepy and didn’t really have me jumping or anything like that. Joe was extremely creepy and made me question people around me. Like who is being like Joe and just stalking me and watching my social media? I did have someone who followed me on twitter and I was the only one he was following. He was always replying back to my tweets, It got a bit creepy and I blocked him. This kind of brought back in my mind. Joe followed her in real life and on social media. It kind of made me question everything that I share on there. It’s probably a good thing that I don’t post a lot of pictures.

The acting on this show is way better than what is typically on a Lifetime show. Badgley was honestly the best part of the series. The dude doesn’t get enough props for his acting chops. The way he portrayed the character makes you question your feelings. There are times where you hate him and want him to go away. Other times you feel for him because there’s something that happened to cause him to be that way. He needs to get some sort of award for his portrayal.

Verdict

I do recommend “You” as it’s something everyone should watch. It’s a show that makes you think and question everything that you do when it comes to social media, especially when it comes to dating. It keeps you interested and it’s just a wild ride. The show has been renewed for a second season as a Netflix original show. I’m excited to see what Netflix does with it.

Rating: 4 out of 5

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