Sweetwater Tea Episode 1: What the jingle jangle is happening on ‘Riverdale?’

Grab your milkshake from Pop’s because it’s about to go down. Welcome to the first edition of Sweetwater Tea.  Each week I’ll be breaking what the hell is happening on Riverdale. Since the mid-season just finished, let’s talk about the highlight of season three. Buckle up, I’m in the mood for a little chaos. WARNING: SPOILERS WILL BE AFTER THIS POINT. 

Archie is in ‘Orange is the New Black now?’ 

Yes, this all happened in a matter of eight episodes

I’m apologizing in advance, this season has been a blur. Season Three began with the trial of Archie Andrews and his abs that you can bake cookies on. Archie was found guilty after Hiram Lodge did what he does best and had the new sheriff tampered with the witness. Long story short with the Archie in jail storyline: he escapes and ends up getting acquitted thanks to Veronica and Mrs. McCoy. Oh, Sheriff ends up dead.

Archie ends up running away with Jughead to save all his friends from Hiram’s revenge. Hiram probably just wants to kill him for the amount of sex he is having with his daughter. They go visit jughead’s mother and sister after Archie showing off his glistened abs and letting a stranger hold a long ass razor to his face and shave his nonexistent facial hair off.  Turns out that Archie has a bounty on his head thanks to Hiram. It’s also on the heads of anyone that helps him. Ms. Jones calls the 2/3 of DILF squad (FP and Fred Andrews make it up with Tom Keller) to escort their sons on their respective path: Archie is running from his problems and Jughead heads back to Riverdale. 

Oh no!The kids are addicted to a RPG

Said no one ever about the Our Lady of Quiet Mercy and Murder

The main arch ends up being that Hiram Lodge is trying to use his Big Dick Energy to take full control of Riverdale. In order to do so, he uses the game Gryphons & Gargoyles. Think of a dark and twisted version of Dungeons and Dragons. The game takes over Riverdale and makes people end up taking a drug produced by at old Southside high called fizzle rocks. The drugs end up making people have seizures and see things. While Hiram and his big dick are the villains of the season, the gang are trying to figure who the hell is the creepy gargoyle king.

The game and the king turns out to be a tool the sisters at Our Lady of Quiet Mercy and Murder use to keep the “bad girls” in line. Apparently, 5 Seconds of Summer didn’t teach them that good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught. They also a testing ground for Hiram and his fizzle rocks. There was also some character building side plots but for the sake of time, I’ll skip over it. That’s even harder to explain. Caught up? Probably not but it will do. Let’s get into the tea

How stupid can the main four be?

Betty, Veronica, Archie, and Jughead having just been acting like total dumbasses this season. Archie is just too trusting of a person. Like he’s just a set of abs and lacks little common sense. He just lets everyone in on his life and plans when he is on the run. Did his parent teach him not to talk to strangers? Probably not, his parents are Molly Ringwald and Luke Perry. They were teen royalty back in the day.

I volunteer to hose down Archiekins

Veronica is trying to take down and be two steps of her daddykins but yet she keeps telling her parents all about her info she finds out. Like what’s the point of even trying if you are just going to spill the beans. Loose lips sink ships, Ronnie! Then she hasn’t caught on that Reggie wants in her skirt. She’s a single gal now. I fully support and ship Veggie. I’m still hoping for Kerchie to happen. Finger crossed. 

Betty and Jughead just need to stop having sex in the dead kid’s bunker. I would ask them if they could have sex in any other place besides there but Lili Reinhart answered that for me on twitter. They are smart of half of the main four but like c’mon guys. You are making me want to be Team Daddykins. In fact, both couples are rabbits. They are having sex like left and right. Do you guys not have anything else do to? As Lili said in her tweet to me “The answer is no.” They all need a good hose down. 

Don’t mess with Hiram Lodge

Nothing is out of his control. NOTHING. 

After how dumb everyone that isn’t Josie, Kevin, Cheryl, and Toni is, I’ve joined Team Daddykins. Besides the fact that Hiram leaves you slightly turned on and pissed on, he has this entire town under this finger. His wife is the mayor and he has his hands in all the pots. In one episode where it was three separate stories, he was involved in EVERY SINGLE ONE. While it’s all shade business dealings, he has plans and a bunch of backup plans. You can’t make him nervous. Unless you happen to be a ripped red-head sticking it to his daughter every five minutes. He’s either very jealous or just wants Archie for himself. That’s a plot twist for you. But I’m fully supporting him just so he knocks some sense and brains into the main four. Team Daddykins for life!

Riverdale: The Purge

ICONIC QUEEN

The midseason finale ended with Veronica’s mother having the city of Riverdale locked down because Hiram has the governor of whatever state they are in working for him as well. So it’s like the purge. No one can enter and no one can leave. We also know that Cheryl is preparing for war. When the iconic queen, who has gotten the shaft so far, is going war. WE ALL GO TO WAR. Cheryl and her bow are all Riverdale need to save the town.

It looks like the rest of the season is going to be a real barn burner. I just wish that it made more sense but it’s “Riverdale.” Does “Riverdale” ever make sense? I hope you enjoyed the first episode of Sweetwater Tea. It returns when “Riverdale” comes back on January 16th. Until then, I recommend rewatching because you’ll need it. It’s been a confusing season. 

Leave your thoughts/tea in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more of that tea.

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Series Review: ‘Chilling Adventures of Sabrina’

Everything is not what it seems

October seems to be the month of gritty teen reboots. I’M HERE FOR IT. I recently just finished the newest reboot that will literally not allow me to look at an animal the same. Let’s dive into the world of “Riverdale” and go see a witch. A teenage witch. That’s right, let’s talk about “Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.”

“Chilling Adventures of Sabrina” follows Sabrina Spellman, who tries to navigate her life as a normal teenage girl in Greendale and a witch for her coven. With the help of her aunties, Hilda and Zelda, as well as her cousin Ambrose, she must also fend the evil that is trying to convert her over to their side

This show isn’t anything like the show we knew growing up. If you walked into this expecting it to be similar to The WB/ABC show “Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.”  This isn’t the fun loving comedic Sabrina we have come to know and love. There are comedic moments in the show but it’s more dark comedy. This show is creepy af. It’s hard to believe that it takes place just down the road from Riverdale and Degrassi. Yes, in my world, Riverdale and Degrassi are in the same universe. It’s the only way that all the shit that goes down unnoticed makes sense.

The darker tones fits the show so well. The witches on the show worship Satan. They are trying to appease the dark lord and do his bidding on the show. If that doesn’t let you know what kind of show this is then I don’t know what will. The show has a TV-14 rating and they go over that to the point where it makes me wonder why they didn’t get a TV-MA rating. I’m hoping that there’s an unrated version because frankly, I just want to see how dark it will actually be if they didn’t have that rating.

The acting on the show is extremely well done. You really get to see and understand each character. You get to see the character grow and change and it truly feels good when things go their way. There is some similarity between the Spellman clan in both series. But these characters are willing to do some dark things to get what want. They play with some dark shit in this show. And still, you end up relating to these characters and fall for them. Yes, Harvey and Sabrina are still totes adorable. I just wish there was dark version of Libby.

The camera work on the show is something that is my biggest problem with it. It’s more so the effects they added in post-production. Sometimes it works but other times it’s just annoying and takes away from what’s going on in the shot. I get what they were trying to do with it but it doesn’t always stick. It does more harm than good.

The show also has a tad bit of the same issues that “Riverdale” has as well when it comes to pacing. Luckily for “Chilling Adventures of Sabrina,” it’s more so that I wanted them to expand on things and not rush through things. It was so fast paced sometimes that you didn’t notice story lines that much. Like, the season finale should have been two episodes instead of just one. While it was an enjoyable and thrilling finale, it could have been more epic. There was also minor plot holes but you can rule that off as just being because of magic. They had a magical induced orgy on the show.

Verdict

“Chilling Adventures of Sabrina” is a must watch show. It’s thrilling and will keep you into the show for months to come. I highly recommend checking it out, especially if you enjoy what’s going on in the River-verse. Don’t worry, I’ll work on a better name. It is very dark. If you aren’t into dark show, then I wouldn’t watch it. But it’s more freaky and creepy than scary. It will leave you with mixture of feeling shook and creeped out.

Rating: 2 out of 5

 

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Time to go to school in Netflix newest series ‘Elite’

El cinturón de seguridad, Perras

As you may or may not already know, I have a deep love and wish to be in a Telenovela. That’s a Spanish soap opera. It’s something about people being overly dramatic and randomly yell “Que?” that peaks my interest. Netflix recently released a new telenovela that has me yelling at the television. In case you have lived under a rock, don’t worry-I got you covered.

Doesn’t this show look like life?

“Elite” is a mixture of “Riverdale” meets “Gossip Girl.” Netflix then takes that and gives it a shot of heroin. The show follows a mystery as a student has been murdered in the middle of a class war. The wealthy students aren’t fans of the new non-wealthy students that arrived due to an accident that closed down their school. The show follows the history of events that occurred leading up to the murder of the student. It also covers topics like Islamophobia, sexuality, relationships, and drug use. All the good teen drama topics.

The show itself is well paced and keeping everything interest as you really don’t have an idea who is the actual killer is until the very last moments. Each character is interesting and you actually get time to know the characters. There really wasn’t a character that I hated because you know the back story for each character and their motivates for why they are doing things. So you just feel bad for them instead of just hate them. I did hate some of the parents but that is what you get when you deal with the teen telenovela.

This isn’t your grandmother telenovela. It’s rated TV-MA. Like, its graphic when it comes to sex. You will see a lot of ass, very nice asses, and boobs. There’s also a lot of simulated sex, both hetero and homosexual sex. We’ll get into that tea a little lower down in this. Honestly, it’s nothing new but there’s just lots of sex happening. It makes sense since they are all horny teenagers with money and good looks. They are pretty much just banging each other.

This show has so much LGBTQA that it’s EVERYTHING. There’s a gay couple who is struggling with acceptance of their family and friends. They are off and on during the series, like in any good telenovela. They are cute too. There’s even some experimenting between two men and like it does DOWN for them. The representation in this show was just so nice to see. Even the fact they show different sides of family and friends accepting their son’s sexuality. They really did do an amazing job with LGBTQA in this show. I honestly cannot wait to see what will happen in season two.

The Verdict

Overall, I highly recommend watching “Elite.” There is an English audio track that can you use to still enjoy the goodness that is “Elite.” It’s like those old school Japanese Godzilla movies. I’m going to listen to the Spanish audio with English subtitles the next time around I watch it. I’m going to watch it again. I really enjoyed it. It did take a while for it to get good. When it got good, it was SO GOOD. It’s 8 episodes with each being one hour. It’s honestly worth binging. My only complaint is that the end felt a little rushed. I wish that they would have gone more in-depth about it.

Rating: 4 out of 5

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Show Review: ‘Charmed’

Charmed again

Yesterday, the newest reboot of 2018 debuted on the CW. The rebirth of “Charmed.” The originally aired from 1998 to 2006 on the WB, the original incarnation of the CW. The reboot of the series has been met with a lot of controversies due to the outcry of the OG Charmed cast and fans about not having any input from the original team that made the franchise what it was.

Click here for my thoughts on the “Charmed” trailer

Now, I was a fan of the original series expect a little comparison. But I watched the new series with an open mind and heart. I recently just binged the OG “Charmed” because of nostalgia. Here’s also my overall thoughts on this reboot before seeing it. Let’s get this out-of-the-way: this isn’t the original series and only name and premise. That isn’t a bad thing. In fact, I like the fact that it’s not trying to be the OG series. This “Charmed” has a little bit of a darker tone to it. It’s on the CW and everything there is mostly dark and twisty. It’s trying to be its own dark and twisty thing. The first episode wasn’t spectacular but it was a better start than what some would have thought it to be. It didn’t drag me into it but at the same time it did send up what to expect. It also ended on a cliffhanger which is how all good CW shows end. In case you couldn’t guess, it’s a stereotypical CW show. My major complaint is that it seems very much rushed. It felt like they put a two-part episode into one hour. They really didn’t let you get to know the sister beside a little bit in the beginning, which was only two of them. I really don’t know anything about them besides they are sisters. I wasn’t given time to get interested or digest their characters. If you were to ask me their names, I wouldn’t be able to. There was also plot points that they just did but didn’t really touch again. It mainly came towards the end when they thought they defeated the monster of the week. I wish they would have given us more time with the characters than what we have gotten. And while I like that it doing its own thing, I wish that it would have still slightly acknowledged the previous show. It does come across that it could care less about its heritage. Even just little nods to the original would have been nice. But I can see why the original actresses are a little bit pissed now. It’s like they don’t exist anymore nor the show that is the reason the new one is there. Overall, “Charmed” doesn’t seem like its going to be bad. In fact, it looks like it’s going to be a good show. The premiere showed good promise in the series. I just wished that it wasn’t so rushed and we got a little more time with the sisters. Hopefully, they can work out the kinks and make this new “Charmed” just as good as the original.

Rating: 2 out of 5

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