Sweetwater Tea Episode 5: The Stranger

Listen up fives, a ten is speaking and I’m in the mood for some chaos. Sorry to interrupt, sad breakfast club.  There’s definitely a lot of chaos in our fateful town. Hopefully you’re in the sex bunker because this tea will scar you. Will the news that Archiekins is seemingly swimming with the fishes rock the town with pep? Or will everyone’s favorite daddy put this news in time out? Welcome to Sweetwater tea.

You never truly leave Riverdale…Riverdale leaves you in the ground

Click here for the previous edition of “Sweetwater Tea”

Old Archie can’t come to the phone right now

Old Taylor isn’t the only thing that is dead. Riverdale’s resident abs wunderkind apparently is dead. Old Archie that is. But luckily for us, the body is alive and kicking. Dem abs have come back into Riverdale alive and well and his lovable doggie boyfriend made okay too as well. But will Riverdale accept Archiekins back in with open arms?

The answer there is of course. Who doesn’t love a sensitive yet harden former jailbird with a set of abs you can bake cookies on? A didn’t realize that Riverdale has moved on while he was off playing metrosexual lumberjack in the great maple north. It’s just like how his friends and family haven’t realized that this isn’t the same Archie that left. Will they realize that Archie is just seeing red for revenge? Or is it too late to save Archie from his personal demons that have consumed his non-existent ginger soul? Or will he finally let his love for Kevin Keller save it? So the last one may not be true, but a girl can dream, right?

Between rock and a hard set of abs

We feel for you R

Oh, V, didn’t Daddykins ever teach you that two is a party but three is a crowd? While I support and encourage throuples, they are only in okay in the bedroom in Riverdale. Throuples aren’t Ronnie things and with Archiekins back in town, V seemingly pushed Reggiekins to the side. He was last years Prada bag. While everyone wants their “veggie,” “Varchie” looked to be getting back into the swing of things. And by the swing of things, I mean having sex all over the place. Apparently, she’s paying the serpents extra for that kind of protection. Someone should really tell them that sex is only okay in the bunker and not in/under Pops. That’s a major health code violation besides just being tacky. Is tacky is something that you want associated with the Lodge name, Ronniekins?

Poor Reggie is forced to resort in Bumble to mend his broken, well-sculpted heart. Loose lips sink ships, and Reggie’s loose lips definitely sunk their ship. Was it intentional or was it just an accident? Time will only tell. The only thing I know is that it was the iceberg that sunk the U.S.S Varchie faster than the Titanic. But can you really sink something that was even afloat to begin with?

Hiram Lodge: Daddy AF

Don’t worry B. You weren’t the only one to say this when poor Daddykins got shot

It’s rough to be the DILF of Riverdale. All the planning and scheme and manipulating really takes a toll on a person. Especially when two other daddies try to set up to Daddykins. Fred Andrews decided to storm into Hiram’s humble abode and go all Beverly Hills, 90210 on his ass. Of course, Freddiekins didn’t go in alone. He decided to go to the local pet store for a serpent. He got the king serpent. Does F really think the King DILF is going to be spooked by that?

Spoiler: Hiram wasn’t and in fact, Hiram just blew it off. Can you blame him? He has other things to worry about. It appears that someone got brave and shot our precious Daddykins. You know what they say; when you take a shot at the baddest DILF in Riverdale, make sure you hit. Because when Hiram shoots, he never misses. Who shot Daddykins? V thinks it was A. But was it really the butler that shot Daddykins with the gun in parlor? Looks like Ronnie will need more than a game of “Clue” to figure out who try take out daddy. Of course, it could have been Ronniekins herself? Hell hath no fury like a scorn of Lodge.

Everyone loves a daddy in Uniform

There’s a new sheriff in town and I hear he’s a little bit of a snake. Who doesn’t love a daddy in Uniform? Especially when that daddy is FP Jones. Looks like Miss Daddykins didn’t like the plans that Hiram had wanted. What Hermione wants, Hermione gets. And she wanted FP in a uniform. Can you blame a girl?

Serpents bite the hand that feeds the Gargoyle King

While the true villain of Riverdale came out in the form of the PSATs, Jughead Jones continued on with his plans to strike at the Gargoyle Gang. Juggiekins and his band of serpents, with the help of hottie Fangs, took down the Man in Black’s, aka Hiram, team one by one. Turns out, the man posing as the Gargoyle King was an old friend of the serpents. Tall Boy.

A less known serpent who recently appeared with the wicked bitch of Northside Penny Peabody and the Ghoulies. It’s just too bad that he died in the sex bunker before Jughead got any answers. J did get good use of Archie and Veronica’s handcuffs and that wicked right hand. But that’s why you get when you leave your minions to do your dirty work. But was Tall Boy really the Gargoyle King or was it just an elaborate plan by the head daddy in charge to keep Jughead at bay? If I was Jughead, I wouldn’t let my guard down just yet. The more to still story.

But has Jughead has forgotten about the wrath of the HBIC? Will Cheryl Bombshell exploded onto J after what he did to her and Toni? Of course, she will. Cheryl might forgive but she’s doesn’t forget. She just gets even. She has a arrow with his name on it. Pointed right at his heart.

The Cooper Family Values

Maybe Choni can fund Betty Cooper to College with their sex money

While Jughead was having private rendezvous with hunky Fangs in his and Betty’s sex bunker, Betty had other things on her mind. Like her mother becomes the farm’s resident MILF. Alice Cooper turned into a cult MILF and funded their newest endeavor. How? Well, Alice also got a little bit of the sticky fingers. It’s so bad in fact that Betty had to go visit Daddy in the big house. Mommy Dearest happen to forge his signature in order to purchase a home for the children in the Betty Cooper foundation for the Children of the Gargoyle. Nothing says home sweet home like a place that even the nuns killed themselves to get out of. I guess Betty doesn’t need to go to college when you can just study with a cult for free.

Turns out the only women that Hal Cooper has coming back for more is his daughter and his cousin. That’s right, the town whore Penelope Blossom was parading to prison as Alice Cooper. Penelope was helping Hal get his rocks off. Not even his fellow prison mates want Hal to drop the soap. Too bad too, Hal probably wouldn’t have caught an STD from dropping the soap. But does the fact that B is visiting her dearly fucked up daddy a sign of forgiveness? Or is she just looking tap into the family darkness that turned her father onto his path to be the Black Hood?

Just because it seems like a happy ending is coming to the town with pep, doesn’t mean that it will be. What comes up, must always come down. And in Riverdale, it comes down hard and fast. Get ready kiddos, looks like you will soon be wishing that the PSATs and the Gargoyle King will be the only thing you have to worry about. Your world is about to get fucked worst than one of Hal and Penelope’s prison hookup.

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Netflix’s ‘You’ is the thriller you need to watch

I decided to watch “You” on Netflix because I let society determine my viewing habits and what shows are cool and what shows are not. It actually took me like a couple of days to finish all ten episodes “You.” I paced myself in the beginning because it was a lot to handle. So let’s dive into the show that has everyone freaking out.

I always feel like somebody’s watching me 

“You” was originally a series on Lifetime that premiered in 2018. It starred Penn Badgley (“Gossip Girl”) and Elizabeth Lail (“Once Upton A Time”) as the two main characters of the series. The series was developed by Greg Berlanti. That’s right. The guy that has given us “Riverdale” made this show. When I found this out, immediately got excited because 90% of the shows I watch he touches. He also directed “Love, Simon.” The show is based off of the novel “You,” written by Caroline Kepnes.

The show follows Joe Goldman (Badgley) as he falls in love with Guinevere Beck (Lail) after meeting her in his book store. This is a modern love story as Joe checks her out on social media. He then takes it to a whole other level by legitimately stalking her. Like full fledge creeping out your window stalking. The series then follows Joe and Guinevere’s love story from start to finish.

From the very start, you can tell that it is/was a Lifetime show. Lifetime shows have a certain feel and look to them. “You” has that look and feel. It’s not a bad thing because it’s actually a much better show than what is usually on Lifetime. It took a while for the show to really get into the story but when it did, it kept you in engaged in it.

For me, it was just creepy and didn’t really have me jumping or anything like that. Joe was extremely creepy and made me question people around me. Like who is being like Joe and just stalking me and watching my social media? I did have someone who followed me on twitter and I was the only one he was following. He was always replying back to my tweets, It got a bit creepy and I blocked him. This kind of brought back in my mind. Joe followed her in real life and on social media. It kind of made me question everything that I share on there. It’s probably a good thing that I don’t post a lot of pictures.

The acting on this show is way better than what is typically on a Lifetime show. Badgley was honestly the best part of the series. The dude doesn’t get enough props for his acting chops. The way he portrayed the character makes you question your feelings. There are times where you hate him and want him to go away. Other times you feel for him because there’s something that happened to cause him to be that way. He needs to get some sort of award for his portrayal.

Verdict

I do recommend “You” as it’s something everyone should watch. It’s a show that makes you think and question everything that you do when it comes to social media, especially when it comes to dating. It keeps you interested and it’s just a wild ride. The show has been renewed for a second season as a Netflix original show. I’m excited to see what Netflix does with it.

Rating: 4 out of 5

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I watched my first ever episode of ‘The Bachelor’

Back in 2014, I wrote a little piece literally titled “How ‘The Bachelor’ is outside stupid.” After watching my first ever episode of “The Bachelor,” I am slightly sorry that I did such a rash judgment on the show because frankly, this show is just the gift that keeps on giving.

What is love?

So I grew up on the trashy VH1 reality shows like “Flavor of Love,” “Rock of Love,” and “I Love New York.” It was those feels of “This is a train wreck” that I got from this show. From iconic lines like “I haven’t been with a virgin since I was 12,” to one girl staking her claim as the bitchy villain, I was INTO THIS SHOW.

I began to question my decision when it was the first episode I watched was three hours long. THREE HOURS. Most of which was just filler. There were two people just chilling in the inflatable hot tub located in the middle of a parking lot. I’m pretty sure they were in the hot tub the entire three hours. Then they were going to “parties” across the country where there were fans with people that I think have some sort of ties to the show but honestly, it was lost on me besides the fact that it was a mess. There were some proposals but I was enthralled by some of the fans were drunk/high. Like it’s was blatantly obvious.

Then they would act like they didn’t cut back and forth from pre-recorded video. Like the host, Chris Harrison, would be standing at one of the parties. He would then cut to the actually episode and totally act like Chris wasn’t just standing there with a live studio audience. Then they would cut back to Chris in the studio audience. They are just acting like that never happened. It’s like Chris just ran from point A to point B in a millisecond. At least acknowledge it whether joking or serious.

Like a Virgin

Meet Colton Underwood. The virgin bachelor that they keep reminds us about

The best part of the entire episode was the ladies meeting the bachelor. Now, I had no clue who Colton Underwood was until this episode. I was literally just googling him trying to figure out his past on “The Bachelorette.” There was even a super long scene of Colton showering. Then the intros for some of the ladies were just so awkward. They were trying to be so serious but it wasn’t. The “Big Brother” intros were so much better. They didn’t take themselves too seriously. I think these ladies believe that Colton will be watching these intros. Spoiler: He’s too busy showering for the cameras.

Meeting the ladies of his life

Colton meeting the ladies was the start of the trainwreck. There was a sloth that started to head over towards before the commercial break and then was still going after the commercial break. Then one girl literally gave him her dog. The next girl came out like Cinderella. It was a shit show. I was here for this shit show. There was also a ton of virgin jokes. It was a chance to see how cringy all these girls are. They were cringy af. here was some drama but it really wasn’t anything massive.

Him showering when on for like 3-5 in different showers and in different parts of the world

Then the rose ceremony was just over the top. Like just throw these girls in a cage and let them fight it out over you boo. But I was sitting going “I hope this bitch doesn’t get one.” Of course, that bitch got one. I deeply invested in the show. Then the best moment of the ceremony was that they had them leaving the house in the morning. That’s right, the ladies that didn’t get a rose got to do the walk of shame. Oh, Cinderella got eliminated and they had a pumpkin just sitting there as she did the walk of shame. I’m pretty sure Colton is the first virgin to have five women do the dreaded walk of shame.

During the entire time, I was cringing and living for every moment. I’m now fully committed in and into watching Colton Underwood lose his virginity and hopefully find love. Again, please forgive me for all my past criticisms of this beautiful trainwreck. I’m now all in. Please give me more.

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It’s time to get dark and gritty with ‘Titans’

If you are new to this wonderful blog, then you aren’t probably aware that I have a soft spot for superhero and the shows that are made to about them. At one point, I reviewed and covered all the DC shows on “The CW.” I figured it was only fitting that I reviewed the latest DC Television show because why not. I was going to review it when it first premiered but I figured, it’s better to wait until the season is over.

The iconic line

CLICK HERE FOR PAST ARTICLES ABOUT TEEN TITANS

When there’s brooding, you know who to call

“Titans” is a dark envisioning of the popular teen crime-fighting team, “Teen Titans.” It’s the first original series that was created for DC Comics’ streaming service “DC Universe.” With a rating of TV-MA, this is darker than anything the Arrowverse shows will offer. This show makes me really want them to add “Arrow” to their programming and give it the same rating. Fun fact: Arrowverse and “Titans” are produced by the same people.

The show follows Beast Boy, Raven, Starfire, and Robin. Their main mission before it all is to protect Raven from the people that are after her. During this mission, each has their own personal goal that they want to overcome. Raven is trying to stay alive and find her mother, Starfire trying to remember who is she is and her memories, Robin is trying to now be like his mentor Batman, and Beast Boy trying to find a family and just belong. They also meet some fellow “Titans” along the way to assist them in their journey to help and save Raven.

The show itself is paced out rather well but at the same time, it doesn’t give itself enough to tell the story that it wants to tell. There are only 11 episodes, but it’s almost like the story they want to tell would be a normal season length like for “Arrow,” “The Flash,” and “Supergirl.” The episodes were good but they just left me wanting more. Like I wanted more of the core four. I got the backstory of the recurring Titans and that’s fine and dandy but what about the others?

The production of “Titans” is everything. From the shooting of each scene to the way they introduced the new character. It’s just a well-done show that suffered from the first season hiccups as most shows do. It takes what makes the other DC shows so good and then adds it’s own flair to it. The rating also doesn’t hurt it. You can tell that they decided to tone it down a hair halfway through but it still made the show a little better. It was like the sprinkles on the cake that help the great tasting cake even better.

Verdict

“Titans” is a very good show that has the potential to dethrone “Legend of Tomorrow” as the best DC show. The story is what really hurt it with its first season. I really didn’t give it the time to fully go through the story. Just one or two more episodes might have been just enough to fully flesh out the story. I hope there is another season because frankly, it deserves one. I need to know what happens next. The season ended with two cliffhangers. I NEED RESOLUTION.

Rating: 4 out of 5

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