Sweetwater Tea Episode 2: Justice for Choni and Kevin

Buckle up because I’m in the mood for some chaos. Sorry to interrupt, sad breakfast club. While “Riverdale” isn’t back until January 16th, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t some tea to spill. It’s time to head down to Sweetwater river to take in the views with some burgers from Pops. Welcome to Sweetwater Tea.

CLICK HERE TO READ PREVIOUS SWEETWATER TEA

Originally, I was going to share this tea in the middle of the season but this tea was too hot not to share. Let’s talk about how we need justice for Choni, Toni and Cheryl, and Kevin. There’s an injustice occurring that isn’t being talked about. We also need justice for Josie but she’s a whole kettle of pipping hot tea just by herself.

Listen up fives, a ten is speaking

As I’m rewatching season one, I noticed one thing that has me wanting to drown my sorrows in a milkshake. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO CHERYL BLOSSOM AND KEVIN KELLER? I’m only like three episodes in and they have been prominent and vocal members. They have also been extremely iconic

Season two was still good to them but it was more or less just depressing. Kevin was hooking up with dudes in the woods. Cheryl was battling with discovering who she was. It was still quality character development for them. Sure, Kevin was wanting Moose and Cheryl were being pyromaniac but they had a full-fledged development. It was this season that Cheryl got the love of her life Toni, the girl from the wrong side of the tracks. Toni and Cheryl are just everything together.

Where have you been gurl?

This season, what have we really gotten from them? Cheryl giving iconic one-liners with Toni acting like her sidekick more than her actual girlfriend. Kevin is trying to get Moose when realistically Moose isn’t really sure of what he wants. Kevin’s storyline is actually really good but like there really hasn’t been any development in it besides Kevin and Moose almost getting caught his father. But that was after like five episodes of nothing to do with it. And there have been some Choni moments but that’s like hearing her Jason Blossom talk a line or two.

It’s kind of like they have too many storylines going on so they can’t keep up with it. Honestly, I could do less with the gargoyle king and that stupid game. I want to know what’s going on with Choni and I want to know more about Kevin and Moose. They are most stable and honestly the smartest people in the entire show. I enjoy them more so than the core four. I could honestly go on and on about that tea on the core four.

Spoiler: When it comes to them vs Daddykins, I’m all about Team Daddykins. Hiram Lodge can kick the ungrateful Veronica to the sisters and he can adopt me. I look the other way as he and the lovely Hermione want to do. I just want to be swimming in money. If money can’t buy happiness, then why is it so fabulous?

Yes, Ronniekins. It is ridiculous.

Honestly, they just need more screen time. It’s kind of like you gave us two puppies and we fell in love with those puppies after having them for a while. Then you decided to take those puppies away from us and only let us see them for small periods at a time. I love those puppies and want more time with them.

I know there’s going to be an episode dedicated to Choni but honestly, it’s a little too late. We had Archie/Veronica, Jughead/Betty, and FP/Alice thrown down our face. Where was Choni? How many times do we really need to see them having sex? I get that Archie is super hot and it may or may not be written into KJ Apa’s contract that he has to be shirtless/semi-naked for part of the episode. I literally have no issue with that. Only issue I have is with the lack of screentime for Choni and Kevin. It isn’t even an LGBT representation issue. If they were like Ethyl, then this would be fine because she’s an auxiliary character. An extra character. All three of them, including my girl Josie, are main characters on the show.

They need to be on my screen more

In fact, there are 14 main characters on the show, including Fred Andrews and Alice Cooper, no relation to the singer. I like all of the main characters but they need to use them all properly. I honestly didn’t even know that Reggie Mantle was a main character until I channeled my inner Betty Cooper reporter. It makes sense as he’s trying to get into Veronica’s skirt.

I guess the point of this tea is that I’m tired of just having the core four be the focal point when there are eight other main characters that should be integrated more into the main story, which again is too much this season. WAY. TOO. MUCH. It also isn’t doing that much to help them for the award of “Brightest People in Riverdale.” I want more of Kevin, Cheryl, and Toni every Wednesday and want to know what’s going on with them. You

That will do it for this edition of Sweetwater Tea. I hope you enjoyed the tea and scenery of the Sweetwater River. So until next time, you know you love me.

XOXOXO Gossip Girl.

Yeah, I’m still working on closing.

Leave your thoughts/tea in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more of that tea.

Advertisements

Sweetwater Tea Episode 1: What the jingle jangle is happening on ‘Riverdale?’

Grab your milkshake from Pop’s because it’s about to go down. Welcome to the first edition of Sweetwater Tea.  Each week I’ll be breaking what the hell is happening on Riverdale. Since the mid-season just finished, let’s talk about the highlight of season three. Buckle up, I’m in the mood for a little chaos. WARNING: SPOILERS WILL BE AFTER THIS POINT. 

Archie is in ‘Orange is the New Black now?’ 

Yes, this all happened in a matter of eight episodes

I’m apologizing in advance, this season has been a blur. Season Three began with the trial of Archie Andrews and his abs that you can bake cookies on. Archie was found guilty after Hiram Lodge did what he does best and had the new sheriff tampered with the witness. Long story short with the Archie in jail storyline: he escapes and ends up getting acquitted thanks to Veronica and Mrs. McCoy. Oh, Sheriff ends up dead.

Archie ends up running away with Jughead to save all his friends from Hiram’s revenge. Hiram probably just wants to kill him for the amount of sex he is having with his daughter. They go visit jughead’s mother and sister after Archie showing off his glistened abs and letting a stranger hold a long ass razor to his face and shave his nonexistent facial hair off.  Turns out that Archie has a bounty on his head thanks to Hiram. It’s also on the heads of anyone that helps him. Ms. Jones calls the 2/3 of DILF squad (FP and Fred Andrews make it up with Tom Keller) to escort their sons on their respective path: Archie is running from his problems and Jughead heads back to Riverdale. 

Oh no!The kids are addicted to a RPG

Said no one ever about the Our Lady of Quiet Mercy and Murder

The main arch ends up being that Hiram Lodge is trying to use his Big Dick Energy to take full control of Riverdale. In order to do so, he uses the game Gryphons & Gargoyles. Think of a dark and twisted version of Dungeons and Dragons. The game takes over Riverdale and makes people end up taking a drug produced by at old Southside high called fizzle rocks. The drugs end up making people have seizures and see things. While Hiram and his big dick are the villains of the season, the gang are trying to figure who the hell is the creepy gargoyle king.

The game and the king turns out to be a tool the sisters at Our Lady of Quiet Mercy and Murder use to keep the “bad girls” in line. Apparently, 5 Seconds of Summer didn’t teach them that good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught. They also a testing ground for Hiram and his fizzle rocks. There was also some character building side plots but for the sake of time, I’ll skip over it. That’s even harder to explain. Caught up? Probably not but it will do. Let’s get into the tea

How stupid can the main four be?

Betty, Veronica, Archie, and Jughead having just been acting like total dumbasses this season. Archie is just too trusting of a person. Like he’s just a set of abs and lacks little common sense. He just lets everyone in on his life and plans when he is on the run. Did his parent teach him not to talk to strangers? Probably not, his parents are Molly Ringwald and Luke Perry. They were teen royalty back in the day.

I volunteer to hose down Archiekins

Veronica is trying to take down and be two steps of her daddykins but yet she keeps telling her parents all about her info she finds out. Like what’s the point of even trying if you are just going to spill the beans. Loose lips sink ships, Ronnie! Then she hasn’t caught on that Reggie wants in her skirt. She’s a single gal now. I fully support and ship Veggie. I’m still hoping for Kerchie to happen. Finger crossed. 

Betty and Jughead just need to stop having sex in the dead kid’s bunker. I would ask them if they could have sex in any other place besides there but Lili Reinhart answered that for me on twitter. They are smart of half of the main four but like c’mon guys. You are making me want to be Team Daddykins. In fact, both couples are rabbits. They are having sex like left and right. Do you guys not have anything else do to? As Lili said in her tweet to me “The answer is no.” They all need a good hose down. 

Don’t mess with Hiram Lodge

Nothing is out of his control. NOTHING. 

After how dumb everyone that isn’t Josie, Kevin, Cheryl, and Toni is, I’ve joined Team Daddykins. Besides the fact that Hiram leaves you slightly turned on and pissed on, he has this entire town under this finger. His wife is the mayor and he has his hands in all the pots. In one episode where it was three separate stories, he was involved in EVERY SINGLE ONE. While it’s all shade business dealings, he has plans and a bunch of backup plans. You can’t make him nervous. Unless you happen to be a ripped red-head sticking it to his daughter every five minutes. He’s either very jealous or just wants Archie for himself. That’s a plot twist for you. But I’m fully supporting him just so he knocks some sense and brains into the main four. Team Daddykins for life!

Riverdale: The Purge

ICONIC QUEEN

The midseason finale ended with Veronica’s mother having the city of Riverdale locked down because Hiram has the governor of whatever state they are in working for him as well. So it’s like the purge. No one can enter and no one can leave. We also know that Cheryl is preparing for war. When the iconic queen, who has gotten the shaft so far, is going war. WE ALL GO TO WAR. Cheryl and her bow are all Riverdale need to save the town.

It looks like the rest of the season is going to be a real barn burner. I just wish that it made more sense but it’s “Riverdale.” Does “Riverdale” ever make sense? I hope you enjoyed the first episode of Sweetwater Tea. It returns when “Riverdale” comes back on January 16th. Until then, I recommend rewatching because you’ll need it. It’s been a confusing season. 

Leave your thoughts/tea in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more of that tea.

“Riverdale” Rundown: “Chapter 15: Nighthawks”

riverdale-sm

A double cherry on top no

It’s another week and time for more chaos and destruction in the world of Riverdale. It’s time to run down all the shit that went down in the dale. This is the Riverdale Rundown, so let’s get right to it. It’s what Jason Blossom would have wanted.

Click here to read last week’s rundown

The episode was dealing with the aftermath of Ms. Grundy’s death, the black hood’s killing spree, Fred Andrew’s shooting, as well as Archie’s paranoia, which gets the best of him. Archie is seriously messed up from the shooting of his father. The death of Ms. Grundy is also getting to him too. You really just want to give him a big hug because dude has issues. He was going to turn to drugs to help him stay up at night in order to protect everyone. This dude has a lot of his plate. I’m very glad that he’s no longer a toolbox full of dicks because it suited him like a shirt does. I’ll get into that later on in this.

Pop’s diner is being blackballed because of what happened there and it’s turning the world upside down of the gang. Don’t worry, everyone ends up raising enough money to keep it open but it was a struggle to get everyone to revisit Pop’s. Betty ends up blackmailing Cheryl, which earns Cheryl’s respect, to get her to lie under oath to a judge and to get the river vixens to attend the event a Pop’s. That’s right y’all, Dark Betty is in the motherfucking house. I approve of Dark Betty coming out in small doses. I want more of Betty and Cheryl. Oh, how does she blackmail Cheryl? She has a copy of the video that shows her father killing her brother. Yeah, that’s how dark Betty got.

I don’t get though why Betty isn’t concerned about Jughead getting involved with his father’s gang. I get they are looking out for him while his father is in the big house but he’s getting too deep in there. FP is even concerned about who Jughead is talking to in his gang. I’m also concerned about how good Veronica’s parents are in covering their tracks when it comes to their dealings. I’m also very sad that Kevin hasn’t been in the shows more. Like I was expecting him to make a comment about Veronica’s dad being Daddy but nope. My soul died a little bit. We need more Kevin in our lives.
demabsepisode2We have a dem abs sighting!! That is right, we saw Archie’s abs again this week. While he wasn’t having extremely steamy shower sex with Veronica in a very inappropriate time, he answered the door for Veronica without a shirt on. Dem abs appeared in the first ten minutes. As you can see on the left side of this paragraph, I took the liberty to make a chart on when dem abs appear. My goal, besides looking thirsty af for dem abs, is to see how long it takes for Archie to whip those bad boys out and if it’s every episode. This is some hardcore reporting I did for my blog. Right now, Riverdale shows them in the first half hour of the show. But seriously though, Archie’s ab’s are a thing of beauty. You could make waffles on dem abs. They need to be saved in the Smithsonian for generations to appreciate and admire.

We also need to have a talk about the performance that the Pussycats did with Cheryl on top of Pop’s Diner. Besides the fact that it seems very unsafe to put three teenage girls on top a vinyl roof that they could all easily slip off of in high heels, they literally slayed the entire episode.  THEY FUCKING DID MILKSHAKE! Yas, it was everything. I want more Pussycats in my life. I also need more Cheryl because she has been the highlight of all these episodes so far. Like, her quotes are super iconic. I really want an episode of Riverdale that is just through her eyes.  That would be lit af.

This episode was literally everything. It still threw too much plot out at you but you should expect at this point now. I really want to see how the murder of Moose and that one chick that only in the episode because they need a meaningless character to kill off really affect everything in the dale. I wish this show came out all at once so I could binge it like there was no tomorrow. It makes me want to re-watch season one now.  THIS IS GETTING GOOD. I AM LIVING FOR THIS SEASON AND THIS SHOW (please make sure you insert claps in between every word for the full effect). I will end this rundown of this gif of Cheryl being the HBIC, Head Blossom/Bitch in Charge.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more Riverdale tweets.

 

“Riverdale” Rundown: “Chapter 14: A Kiss Before Dying”

riverdale-sm

One doesn’t simply kill Luke Perry

Well, my Wednesday’s are now super intense. “Riverdale” is on Wednesdays and let’s just say that if my Anxiety wasn’t bad before, now it’s fucked up to no end. Welcome to the first edition of Riverdale Rundown. It’s like the breakdown but it sounds better as a rundown. Now sure if this will be an every week thing or every other week thing. Either way, let’s get started.

The second season starts immediately where the finale left off. It’s pretty much just one big episode of Archie and his gang dealing with the possibility that Fred Andrews aka Luke Perry may not make it. In between the drama with Archie trying to cope with that potential future, we are in the mind of Fred Andrews as he is fighting for his life and trying not to die. In his mind, we see the gang graduating and Veronica and Archie getting married. This was just trippy as it’s just kind of sprung on you at first without any warning and knowledge that this was in Fred’s mind until they mention how he is dead.

Staring with this episode, I’ve decided that I’m going to embrace dem abs. So I’m going to keep track of how long it takes for the show to bless us with the abs of Archie. I’m pretty sure that they flash them every episode. In the premiere, it took them 20 minutes for them to grace our screens. They appears in a shower scene that escalated quickly when Veronica offered to “keep him company.” For those didn’t get that, they fucked in the shower while his father was fighting for his life. Yeah, it was kind of messed up.

I’m also giving Archie a pass this week because he was an absolute douchey toolbox full of dicks. He was an ass after he and Veronica got it on. He was pretty much an ass to everyone. You can really tell what the shooting of his father done to him because he’s last seen watching the front door with a baseball bat as his mother, Molly fucking Ringwald, heads upstairs to care for his father that should still be in the hospital. Like, he had a massive amount of surgeries `and they released him in the same day. WTF Riverdale Memorial Hospital? I’m not really sure if that’s the real name of the hospital. Anyways, it’s going to be really interesting to see how this affects him for the rest of the season.

We also need to chat about the true hero of the show: Cheryl Blossom. She gone full-blown crazytown in this episode and I am here for it. So last season, she burned down her house after her father killed himself when it was revealed that he killed his son. She told everyone that her mother saved her from said blaze and then threatened to kill her mother if she ever revealed the truth. Cheryl Blossom is now the HBIC, Head Blossom In Charge. She also gave Fred Andrew a kiss in the most creepiest scenes so far. Cheryl, you are my new favorite and I love you. Never change. #Riverdalestrong.
This episode was literally everything I wanted it to be and more. Every little detail was just done in a way that made it just a wonder thing to watch. It was addictive a and I literally screamed out loud when the killer appeared and killed Ms. Grundy. I was shook from head to toe. I literally cannot wait for more. I need it now like a fish needs water. I’m still addicted to Riverdale like it’s cocaine. I wouldn’t have any other way.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more Riverdale tweets.