How to keep friends on Facebook: Annoying Posts

datingfb

I don’t know about you but on my news feed on Facebook I’ve seen a lot of status being either overly gag worthy about how wonderful their significant other is or it’s like reading a Nicholas Sparks novel and makes you want to shoot your freaking head off it’s that depressing. To Be honest, it’s starting to really grind my gears. So here’s what do so you can keep your friends so I can keep my sanity:

 

Dating

Facebook is a good way to find love and to check out your future lover before your first date. Hopefully all goes well and you can take it to the next step-making Facebook official. Let’s face it, without it being Facebook official these days you really aren’t dating. Once it becomes FB official, many couple began to post little love notes on each others walls and status about how much they totally love them and couldn’t live without them. Now this is only cute for the first few times, it gets really annoying real quick and will make some of your friends question your Facebook friendship and regret liking your relationship status. Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay once in a while but not when basically every single status is about them and you are posing love song lyrics on their wall like the rest of the world can’t see because we can. If you go off into your own little world when you are friends, don’t do it on Facebook.

Now you maybe thinking to yourself that I’m just bitching because I don’t want these two people to express their love for each other. I have no problem with them expressing their love for each other, just not on Facebook. Call or text the person if you want to express your love for each other or take them out on a date and do it because besides the fact that doing it on Facebook is annoy and is kinda like breaking up with someone over text message, you run the risk of losing the passion from your relationship and possible all your friends, and I’m just not talking about your Facebook friends. When you do something like this on Facebook, it’s kinda like you invited your friend to hang out with you and your lover and all you do is sucking face with each other in front of them-it gets extremely awkward and you began to feel like you’re the third wheel. The point is that it’s okay to show love for each other on Facebook once in a while, but not all the time.

 

Depression Post

Let’s not beat around the bush with this one because one of you is going to find this offense and I really don’t give a flying squirrel because it’s true. POSTING DEPRESSING STATUS ON FACEBOOK ISN’T GOING TO HELP YOU! That’s right, I said it! If you are going to post a status about how your life is going straight to the crapper on Facebook isn’t going to have Dr. Phil sending you a message asking you if you need his help. It comes off like you are only looking for the sympathy card or attention. While you will get asked if anything is wrong, it probably won’t genuine and their advice won’t help so much. If your life is going through a rough patch, I suggest talking to a real good friend or a family member because they could offer you love and support. If those don’t work, then try seeing if there’s something you can change about your life or change something about yourself like your hair color or style. And always remember that it does get better.

 

Have any advice you would like to add? Let us know in the comments below

How to look more attractive on Social Media: Profile Pictures

Profile Pictures

Facebook is one of the easiest, and creepiness ways for someone to get a “sneak peek” at you without ever talking to you.All they have to do is type your name in the search bar and then BAM!  Your profile is right there for them to go through and figure you out.They can see your interests, what friends you have in common, and what type of person you are just by searching your name. Now, I bet you’re thinking to yourself how you can make that good first impression from your Facebook?  Well, don’t fret-I’ve got you covered.

The only situation we have in this picture, besides my outdated reference, is that he looks like douche.

Your profile picture has to be the best representation of you. Mirror photos are usually a common profile picture but can occasionally make you come off as something you’re not. Make sure your mirror is at least clean because while a dirty mirror selfie was in like five years ago, it just makes you look like you have no self-respect for yourself to clean or your just lazy. Take the few minutes to clean your mirror off. Make sure you also don’t have your flash on. Your mirror is reflective and it will cause the flash to take over the picture and just big one big ball of light. Pro tip: make sure we can see face in it.

While we are on the subject of mirror selfies–Guys, flexing shirtless in front of the mirror may get you dates for clubbing and some other fun, but it makes you look like one of the biggest douchebags out there. Big ole douchebags don’t get dates. Also, put a shirt on and pose like a normal person. And smile because women like a guy with a nice smile and not one. Make sure your picture is a recent one as well. You usually don’t look the same as you did back five years ago.

Besides the blurry makes you think your drunk, it also makes a nice girl look like she’s easier than a game of hopscotch

And ladies, posing and making the signature pout duck face doesn’t make you cool. It’s rather out of date. Have a little respect for yourself and just freaking smile. Not to mention, it makes you come off like you are full of yourself and no one wants to date that. It’s also really tacky to have your profile picture just be a close up of your face–especially if the light of your phone is shiny bright like a diamond all over your face and making you look like Edward Cullen’s long-lost sister/cousin/daughter/thing or like a corpse. If you are normally pale in real life, then that is fine. But if you’re not, then don’t make it so in your picture.  Pretty much ladies, make sure you look like you do in real life. If you don’t, then you are technically cat fishing and becoming a social pariah.

You want people to look at your profile picture and go, “man, that’s one cool person”, and a photo like that isn’t the way that is going to happen.  Not, “damn, they look hot mess.”  Again, you want your profile picture to be the best representation of you that you can have. So put down that tablet that you are taking a selfie with because no one will take you serious, a take a real one like a somewhat adult that you really are.

 

Have any tips/comments about Profile Pictures? Let us know in the comments below. 

How to look less Drunk on Social Media

party

Today is St. Patrick’s day so do you know what that means? You and your friends will be getting involved in some heavy drinking and partying like Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan has inhabited your body and took control of your soul. Luckily for you, I’m your friend, commonly known as your “sober buddy”, and I’m here to make sure you don’t look like a hot ass mess to your friends and family to the point your grandma thinks that you need to find Jesus (you probably do but drunk is not how you should be when you find him). So I’m here is to do the impossible: To make you look less drunk on your Social Media. Let’s break it down by how your day will probably go on St. Patrick’s day.

It’s noon (10 a.m. if you like to party hardy) and you and your friends have started to drink and party. You may feel the need to take selfies with your friends and your booze. Don’t do this. If you take them, post it at like 7 p.m. This will make you seem like an alcoholic. It will also cover your butt if you decided to skip work,class, or responsibilities to drink. Posting pics of you drinking is going to get your judged and mock. Also do yourself a favor and don’t tweet/post anything discussing you being or getting intoxicated. That is just asking for trouble.

Now it’s 3:00 P.M. and at this point in the day, you are drunker than Mariah Carey, and she’s a professional drunk. I would recommend putting your phone, or anything with access to the internet, in a spot where your drunk self can’t get it. I also recommend giving your drunk self a name because it will give you a person to blame if this fails. Also, don’t take any pictures of you and your friends because you’ll regret it in the long run.

The clock tolls 7:00 p.m. and you are blackout drunk, or White Girl Wasted. You are slurring your words and pretty much hitting on everything, including your roommate and your roommate’s lamp. At this point, just turn off your phone and hide it from yourself. This is like telling a cop to piss off. It’s not going to end well.

We are going to end it at 7:00 p.m. because the advice is the same. Don’t post anything while you’re drunk. The occasional selfie with a beer is fine because everyone drinks one or two, especially when they are out with friends. It’s just when you are posting pics of yourself WGW. It’s not really attractive, and it makes you seem like you have a drinking problem. It could also ruin any chances you have a job depending on the job and the employer. Like when you are drinking, make smart decisions and don’t do something you regret (like something that may appear 9 months later!)

How to be more attractive on Facebook

facebook attractive

Today is your lucky day. I have decided to share with you tips for making yourself more attractive on Social Media. I know what you may be thinking, “Steven, how the hell do you know how to be attractive on Social Media?” Well, I’m awesome and I know what is attractive because I have eyes. So here is how to be attractive on Social Media. We are kicking it off on Facebook.

While Facebook is a dying platform (you know I’m right), it’s still used by many of people around the world. It’s also what I call the “job resume of dating.” People look at it and just judge the living hell out of it. Like if you constantly post on their depressing and sad things, then people are going to think you are depressing and a mood killer, and no one wants to date someone who will be all Def Jam poet about how their bird died when they were 10 and caused them to have trust issues (Spoiler: no one cares). As they say on the school yard, “build and bridge and get over it or else you are going to be a friendless troll that lives under it.”

You also don’t want to post statuses with short and uninteresting things. That makes you look like you spent your Saturday nights reading the dictionary and practicing how to tie your shoes. You want to post statuses that make you seem like they are missing out if you are not hanging out with you. If you are really reading a book, you post a status like “Going skinny dipping in my former principal’s pool” or “Doing a bunch of drugs with Charlie Sheen.” Even if it’s an impossible thing, you still seem like you’re a good time.

It’s also unattractive to post pictures of yourself to the point you’re doing more than you are breathing. Yes, it’s very important to have a picture of yourself, but if you are ugly then a lot of pictures is a dead giveaway to your ugliness. You want to only post a few photos of yourself looking your absolute best so that people think that you are only somewhat good-looking. Posting a lot of yourself can also make ridiculously good-looking people looks vain and shallower than a kiddy pool with a hole in it.

The death sentence of being unattractive is if you send a lot of game requests. You might as well just buy yourself a lot of cats because that’s the only love you will ever going to get. No one will want to date you if you send like 20 game requests a day. If you are going to send game requests, only send a few and make sure it’s socially acceptable games. Anything than the best is a felony and your sentence will be a life in solitary confinement of loneliness with cats. Moral of this paragraph: Game Request=lonely with cats.

The main thing to remember when you are making your dating resume on Facebook is that you should be yourself…but like 100x times cooler than you already are.