Sweetwater Tea Episode 4: No Exit

Listen up fives, a ten is speaking and I’m in the mood for some chaos. Sorry to interrupt, sad breakfast club. No one is leaving and they are certainly are entering the town with pep. Can you really blame them? I wouldn’t want to leave the town with Hiram Lodge in it. Don’t worry your little heads, Riverdale. I’m still here to give you a hot cup of tea that you deserve. It’s not as contiguous like the lies plaguing the town. Welcome to Sweetwater Tea.

Don’t worry B. It will all be over soon…at least you hope

Click here for the latest Sweetwater Tea |Click here if you want to play a game

It’s a mad mad world

It’s been five long weeks since Daddykins closed the gates into Riverdale. Archiekins is off being a hot metrosexual lumberjack. I wonder if Kevin Keller gave him some tips on surviving the woods. After all, he’s an expert on it. As dem abs settle into his life in the woods, someone decides to commit a felony by injuring 2018 hottest redhaired male. Who would do such a heinous act? It’s not like there’s a bounty on A’s head. With Ronniekins not there to nurse his wounds, poor A began to see dead people. Either I’ll have what he’s having or something bad is coming towards that Archie. Word of the river is that by the time someone got to poor Archiekins, it might have been a little too late. Could Hiram have finally stuck it to A or is he just a casualty of war? But hey, it could have been just a bear…I heard from Kevin Kevin there’s a lot of them in the woods.

The lies Daddykins tells me

Grab your armor, there’s a civil war going on. Veronica Cecilia Lodge has decided to go to war with her father. Daughter like Father, right? You think that Hiram would be proud that V is just a little version of him. But all is fair in love and war. And it’s war when you have something that the DILF wants. And the DILF wants part of Veronica’s money. He plans on getting by any mean necessary. For someone who swears he’s not the Gargoyle King, having a gang of Gargoyles attack Ronniekins’ shipments doesn’t help that cause.

But how does one fight Gargoyles? With serpents, of course. V used her connections with the serpent king to signed them up for the standard Lodge employment plan: cheap labor and protection. Too bad Hiram’s gang wasn’t the thing that Ronnie needs protections for. V was spotted kissing Reggie “douchey abs” Mantle in her place of business. I don’t know what kind of business she is running but sign me up. What would Archie think about Veggie becoming a thing? Oh, wait…

Choni and the Pussycats

The Pussycats are back in town and they have a taste for petty thef, women, and the finer things in life. Too bad they aren’t the ones that sang and swayed behind Josie Mccoy. Cheryl Bombshell and Toni might have long tails and ears for hats but they are teaming up for a little destruction. Besides stealing kisses and jewelry, Cheryl also looks like she is after more. The HBIC is back and she’s looking for her crown. Too bad that she was quickly put in her place by the Serpent King. Does Jughead not realize that hell hath no fury like a Blossoms scorn?

The Betty Cooper Foundation for the Children of the Gargoyle

Like taking in a box of homeless kittens, our little dynamo Betty Cooper has taken in the children she freed from Our Lady of Quiet Mercy and Murder. In between hot love sessions with Jughead and trying to take down Daddykins with jailed nuns, B seems to have bitten off more than she could chew. Even Riverdale’s resident MILF, Alice Cooper, believes so. Turns out, the farm takes in all the strays. If anyone can help the children of the gargoyle kick their cult-like addiction to role-playing games and drugs, it’s another cult that throws babies in a fire pit while on drugs.

Guess B lose their support once they realize that the only thing she’s the queen of is being shady. And just when you think B’s day can’t get any worst, the sisters of Our Lady of Quiet Mercy and Murder decided it was time to meet their maker and take a vow of silence for eternity. If I was B, I would head down the river for some magically inspirational. Or maybe a trip to the sex bunker with J will help her get inspired. Or is that where she’s just keeping her secrets for now?

Buckle up, bitches…

Seems like the only thing that Riverdale needs to be quarantined from is all the lies. As Hiram’s plan falls in place, what will the town with pep do once they realize that the abs of Riverdale are in danger? Or will it all just be a drug-induced dream? Only time will tell. Go into your sex bunker kiddos, a nuclear bomb is about to go off in Riverdale.

If you breathe it’s because I give you air….

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Hey Riverdale, I want to play a game…

Listen up bitches, this just got a little bit interesting. When we last left the town with pep, all hell has broken loose thanks in part to the 2018 DILF of the year Hiram Lodge. Hiram is the only one pulling the strings anymore. I want to play a game.

Click Here for last edition of Sweetwater Tea

Here’s the game and it’s a pretty easy one to follow. This game isn’t like that horrid game going around town right now. It’s just an easy game of bingo. Any time an event happens, just mark off one of the spaces. Easy enough, right? I’ll even give you the square about visiting Pop’s right off the bat. It’s not a trip to Riverdale without getting a burger from Pop’s right? Here’s the board and the time is now. Let’s turn the chaos into a fun time.

Now don’t you fret, this won’t be the last you hear from me today. Did you think you could have a party without Me? I’m always around when you least expect it. Remember, if you breathe it’s because I give you air.

Sweetwater Tea Episode 3: Across the river ​​to Greendale ​​we go!

Listen up fives, a ten is speaking and I’m in the mood for some chaos. Sorry to interrupt, sad breakfast club. Riverdale isn’t the only town around Sweetwater River that is hustling and bustling with drama these days. There’s been plenty to go around in the town of Greendale. Some may even say that the drama in Greendale would belong in another realm. Welcome to Sweetwater Tea.

CLICK HERE FOR LAST EDITION OF SWEETWATER TEA

There’s something magical in the air

While some may forget that Riverdale’s own Cheryl Blossom once healed a certifiable DILF with her last kiss ever to man, Greendale has people that are both magical and sassy just like the simply iconic Cheryl Bombshell. Your friendly neighborhood witches live in the town. They are just a little less friendly and a little sassier. That’s right citizens of Greendale, it’s just not the plants that are green. If you ever wanted to meet them, just head down to the local mortuary. I hear that Sabrina Spellman and the whole Spellman clan have that “magically touch” with the customers that walk in. They have a special connection to the dead.

Word around the coven is that Sabrina’s 16th birthday party was something that will always be remembered. Did you really think you could have a party without inviting moi? Maybe that why the party ended in a mob or it could have been the fact that Sabrina turned down her date with the devil? I guess that Sabrina was never taught the golden rule: better the devil you know.

Love was in the air but now it’s down the toliet

Oh, Harvey. It won’t be for long.

Unless you are new in town, then you aware of the front-runners for cutest couple award in the Baxter High. And no, I’m not talking about the vice principal that is cheating on his wife with a head cheerleader named Libby. Sabrina and Harvey Kinkle seem to be attracted to each other like a magnet. It’s like our little Sabrina has a spell placed on Harvey. But Harvey isn’t the only member of the Kinkle clan that is under Sabrina’s spell. No one hasn’t seen or heard from Harvey’s hunky older brother ever since he survived the coal mine explosion. It’s like he magically disappeared. Maybe that’s why the other kinkle sent Sabrina flying off on her broomstick alone.

But don’t you worry your little head. Sabrina seemed to bounce rather quickly. She was seen hanging around her new school with a new man. Nicholas Scratch to be exact. Whether it was just a private tutoring session or Nicholas just want to make some magic with her, it was getting hot and heavy. But before you go thinking of ship names, I’m fond of Sabrichols or Nibrina, it seemed to not go very far. Sabrina turned down the chance to participate in an orgy with young Nicholas and a few other attractive people. Apparently, three or more is a crowd for Sabrina. Or it could have been that her cousin was in there with his boo. Loosen up, Sabrina. You never want to pass up on orgy with the one you love. Especially when they look like Nicholas Scratch.

Everyone’s favorite teacher got a new look

Was I the only one that noticed the sudden change in Mary Wardwell appearance at school? It’s like she magically got a facelift overnight. One would say that she sold her soul to Satan just to look young and hot. She went from frump school teacher to a MILF. She’s so MILF-tastic that even the local pizza boy wasn’t seen after one delivery with her. Was she that good in bed or did her newest pet project Sabrina help her with something magical? Either way, there’s something dark and magically about Mary Wardwell. It’s turning all the men in Greendale on.

Didn’t think that so much tea could be spilled in the little town that Hiram Lodge doesn’t even notice? Maybe Daddykins should sell his soul and abs to Satan. Maybe then he can finally not to worry about another set of abs with red hair. If Daddykins needs any more help, he can certainly hit me up. I’ll happily distract dem abs so everyone favorites DILF can plot and scheme. I hear plotting and scheme turns the Mayor of Riverdale on. Maybe that’s how a lowly business owner in Fred Andrews was able to get in her pants more than once. So until next time, if you breathe it’s because I give you air.

Leave your thoughts/tea in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more of that tea.


Sweetwater Tea Episode 2: Justice for Choni and Kevin

Buckle up because I’m in the mood for some chaos. Sorry to interrupt, sad breakfast club. While “Riverdale” isn’t back until January 16th, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t some tea to spill. It’s time to head down to Sweetwater river to take in the views with some burgers from Pops. Welcome to Sweetwater Tea.

CLICK HERE TO READ PREVIOUS SWEETWATER TEA

Originally, I was going to share this tea in the middle of the season but this tea was too hot not to share. Let’s talk about how we need justice for Choni, Toni and Cheryl, and Kevin. There’s an injustice occurring that isn’t being talked about. We also need justice for Josie but she’s a whole kettle of pipping hot tea just by herself.

Listen up fives, a ten is speaking

As I’m rewatching season one, I noticed one thing that has me wanting to drown my sorrows in a milkshake. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO CHERYL BLOSSOM AND KEVIN KELLER? I’m only like three episodes in and they have been prominent and vocal members. They have also been extremely iconic

Season two was still good to them but it was more or less just depressing. Kevin was hooking up with dudes in the woods. Cheryl was battling with discovering who she was. It was still quality character development for them. Sure, Kevin was wanting Moose and Cheryl were being pyromaniac but they had a full-fledged development. It was this season that Cheryl got the love of her life Toni, the girl from the wrong side of the tracks. Toni and Cheryl are just everything together.

Where have you been gurl?

This season, what have we really gotten from them? Cheryl giving iconic one-liners with Toni acting like her sidekick more than her actual girlfriend. Kevin is trying to get Moose when realistically Moose isn’t really sure of what he wants. Kevin’s storyline is actually really good but like there really hasn’t been any development in it besides Kevin and Moose almost getting caught his father. But that was after like five episodes of nothing to do with it. And there have been some Choni moments but that’s like hearing her Jason Blossom talk a line or two.

It’s kind of like they have too many storylines going on so they can’t keep up with it. Honestly, I could do less with the gargoyle king and that stupid game. I want to know what’s going on with Choni and I want to know more about Kevin and Moose. They are most stable and honestly the smartest people in the entire show. I enjoy them more so than the core four. I could honestly go on and on about that tea on the core four.

Spoiler: When it comes to them vs Daddykins, I’m all about Team Daddykins. Hiram Lodge can kick the ungrateful Veronica to the sisters and he can adopt me. I look the other way as he and the lovely Hermione want to do. I just want to be swimming in money. If money can’t buy happiness, then why is it so fabulous?

Yes, Ronniekins. It is ridiculous.

Honestly, they just need more screen time. It’s kind of like you gave us two puppies and we fell in love with those puppies after having them for a while. Then you decided to take those puppies away from us and only let us see them for small periods at a time. I love those puppies and want more time with them.

I know there’s going to be an episode dedicated to Choni but honestly, it’s a little too late. We had Archie/Veronica, Jughead/Betty, and FP/Alice thrown down our face. Where was Choni? How many times do we really need to see them having sex? I get that Archie is super hot and it may or may not be written into KJ Apa’s contract that he has to be shirtless/semi-naked for part of the episode. I literally have no issue with that. Only issue I have is with the lack of screentime for Choni and Kevin. It isn’t even an LGBT representation issue. If they were like Ethyl, then this would be fine because she’s an auxiliary character. An extra character. All three of them, including my girl Josie, are main characters on the show.

They need to be on my screen more

In fact, there are 14 main characters on the show, including Fred Andrews and Alice Cooper, no relation to the singer. I like all of the main characters but they need to use them all properly. I honestly didn’t even know that Reggie Mantle was a main character until I channeled my inner Betty Cooper reporter. It makes sense as he’s trying to get into Veronica’s skirt.

I guess the point of this tea is that I’m tired of just having the core four be the focal point when there are eight other main characters that should be integrated more into the main story, which again is too much this season. WAY. TOO. MUCH. It also isn’t doing that much to help them for the award of “Brightest People in Riverdale.” I want more of Kevin, Cheryl, and Toni every Wednesday and want to know what’s going on with them. You

That will do it for this edition of Sweetwater Tea. I hope you enjoyed the tea and scenery of the Sweetwater River. So until next time, you know you love me.

XOXOXO Gossip Girl.

Yeah, I’m still working on closing.

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