Pop Project Horoscopes for week of July 17th, 2017

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It’s time to looking into the stars….not the stars in Hollywood but rather the ones in the sky that no one looks at in person. Welcome to the Pop Project Horoscopes.

So here’s how this is going to work, in case you have never dealt with astrology before, match the sign that fits your birthday. It’s a very simple concept. So let’s begin!

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18): The waves are hitting the shore hard. Break through the hard waves this week and you will be fine. There also might be some high tide but if you just go with the flow then you will be fine.

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20): If you are that dumbass fish that just goes to anything thing that is dangling their face, then you won’t be lasting this week. There will be a lot of shiny objects dangling in your face. Don’t go for because it will lead to your death…or just a crappy week.

Ares (Mar 21 – Apr 19)We get that you’re the “god of war,” stop stomping around thinking that you are the shit and throwing your weight around. It won’t end well for you in the long run because people will rebel. Try being nice this week for once. It will save you from getting stabbed with spears.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20): Cut the bullshit and just keep calm and open-minded. Just because you are bull doesn’t mean you should act like one. Stop being bullheaded and want things to go one way or not at all. It won’t end well for you.

Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20): If you don’t have a twin, your inner twin is strong with the dark side of the force. It will try to break free and kill you this week. If you have a twin, your twin is going to be jealous of you and the life you live. Don’t let that ruin your bond.

Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22): Smile every once and awhile and actually looks like you are having a good time. Is it that hard to do? No one wants to hang out with someone who looks like their dog got kicked and ran over at the same time.

Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22): Try not to rip people’s heads off today. It’s okay to roar sometimes but just keep it a low roar and only to those that deserve it. Roaring at everyone will only end in heartache.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22): Are you in a lockbox and sent down the river? If not, then you are having a good week.

Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22): Don’t be lonely. Either go out a make friends or make plans with your existing friends. If you don’t, you will only have yourself to blame.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21): You will have a good week. Stay Classy and make sure

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21): Put the handcuffs away and just take a week away from the muzzle, the whips, and anything like that. This is your week to not be kinky and just take a break.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19): At this point, you should know what a Capricorn is. Now you need to figure who the hell thought of naming something Capricorn was a good idea.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more awesome things.

 

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Pop Project Horoscopes for week of July 3rd, 2017

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It’s time to looking into the stars….not the stars in Hollywood but rather the ones in the sky that no one looks at in person. Welcome to the Pop Project Horoscopes.

So here’s how this is going to work, in case you have never dealt with astrology before, match the sign that fits your birthday. It’s a very simple concept. So let’s begin!

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18): As an Aquarius, you are going to have a busy week. It going to be hot out so all of your friends will be looking to you for a nice and cool dip in a pool. And because you have water literally in your name, you will be the unlikely party that will have your friends at your pool. If you don’t have a pool, then don’t be shocked if you get dragged to one that you will end up paying for. Yes, you heard me right. You will be paying for it. Suck it up because you can use the water to refresh yourself for the next week ahead.

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20): If you are reading this, then congratulations on surviving the first wave of fishing. It will only get worse from here. The Fourth of July this week and you will be spending a lot of time running from massive amount of free food that is there to trap you. If you are unlucky and get caught, then hopefully they will place you back so you can learn for that mistake.

Ares (Mar 21 – Apr 19)If you can, I would try to get your “I’m the fucking god of war” rocks off this week by setting off fireworks. If you can’t then you will be tested this week because people won’t back down from you. They will be holding their ground. I’m not sure if it because of the way that stars are aligned or if it’s just because they are feeling confident. Either way, just try to keep your complex down so you don’t miss more people off.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20): Look, you need to stop being so bull-headed because it’s going to get you nowhere. Literally, just accept things and move on. Especially if you can’t control it. You don’t have to literally be a bull and a china store. Just breathe and go about your day. If something doesn’t go your way, don’t force it because it’s not worth it. There’s other important things to worry about and that isn’t one of them.

Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20): Celebrate freedom from your twin this week. Enjoy this week as they should as well. You and your twin will just be celebrating your separate and fulfilling lives. Pretty much, you should be having a nice and relaxing time this week to where you won’t be overly stressed.

Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22): Make sure don’t come arose like a grumpy crab this week. It will be your downfall if you do. It’s an easy-going week for most but you being a crab isn’t going to over well. In fact, it will literally cost you some relationships that you would want to keep. Think before you speak and you would be fine. Hopefully.

Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22): Channel your inner lion and become a badass. This is probably the shortest of the horoscopes because you just need to be a badass.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22): Still celebrate the fact that you have yet to been locked in a box and sent down the river. Literally, that’s the most positive thing I can see when it comes to Virgo. Again, that story is fifty shades of fucked up.

Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22): Your loneliness will be calmer than usual just because it’s a party week and you will be surrounded around friends. Cats will miss you but now it’s time talk to some people. Social interactions will be the best thing for you. Oh, you also need to look out for your cat’s revenge.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21): You don’t need to keep the peace this week mainly because it will be an extremely calmer week. No fight or arguing just calm and nice eek. Enjoy it because you deserve this.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21): Go as kinky as you want because it’s your time to get down with your bad self. If you want to reenact the entire “Fifth Shades” movies then go right ahead but it’s your week to do that. Go balls to the walls and just let your freak flag fly as high as you want. The safety word of the week is apple.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19): Still don’t know what a Capricorn is so just continue on the path to self-discovery. Eventually, we’ll figure out what a Capricorn is and what they do.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more awesome things.

 

Pop Project Horoscopes for week of June 19th, 2017

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It’s time to looking into the stars….not the stars in Hollywood but rather the ones in the sky that no one looks at in person. I’ve decided to give astrology a try to tell you what to expect when it comes to the week ahead. Welcome to the Pop Project Horoscopes. I was going to call them Poposcopes but that’s something entirely different that we shouldn’t discuss. This is a family blog depending on the day of the week.

So here’s how this is going to work, in case you have never dealt with astrology before, match the sign that fits your birthday. It’s a very simple concept. So let’s begin!

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18): This week should be a calm week for you. The ocean that is your life is at rest. Nothing will/should go wrong this week to cause you pain and torment. Just ride the waves throughout the week and relax. This week will be a breeze. Just watch out for people peeing in your pond/stream. That shit is gross.

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20): Stay on high alert this week! You will be hunted in more this week. Shake your fishy fins as fast as you can and take cover because if you don’t, then you will be screwed. Fishing will get even worse from here. Keep a sharp eye, which will be hard since they aren’t together, and don’t fall for any baits. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Ares (Mar 21 – Apr 19)You need to calm the fuck down. Not everything is worth fighting over. Take a breathe and make a rationalize decision. Just because you’re the fucking god of war doesn’t mean you should try to declare war on every little thing. If you don’t let things go, it will consume you. This week, just try to not kill anyone, relax, and to not declare war on every little thing.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20): Use this week to regroup after your war with Ares. If you didn’t survive your war with Ares last week, use it as a lesson. Don’t always fight when someone argues with you. You and Ares will pretty much have similar week because you both have angry issues and you both have need to not argue over every little thing. Just take a chill pill and everything will be peachy.

Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20): If you are not a twin, the twin living inside of you will be suppressed this week if it didn’t succeed in taking control over your body.  Use this week to formulate a plan to defeat your twin. If they did succeed, recuperate and fight back next week, unless they are trying to kill you. Then fight back hard. If you have a twin, you guys will argue this week and cause mayhem to everyone you know. It will be a good week.

Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22): Stop being grouchy and mean and just a smile. Will that kill you? Have you ever wondered why people don’t want to be around you? It’s because you are a grouchy dick. Loosen up and don’t be a literal crab. Being a literal crab just sucks and makes you look like a horrible person to be around. No one wants to deal with that. Just cut that shit.

Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22): You are going to have a rough week again. Probably won’t be as bad as last weeks but that will all depend on you. Try to make the most out of the situations as they arise. Channel your inner lion and scare the shit out of whatever bad comes your way. Just don’t try it with an actual lion because you might die.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22): Celebrate the fact that you have yet to been locked in a box and sent down the river. Literally, that’s the most positive thing I can see when it comes to Virgo. Again, that story is fifty shades of fucked up.

Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22): Your friends have returned but you are still single. Your loneliness will be still there but much less than last week mainly because you will have your friends. You might want to keep a cat or two handy for companionship when you aren’t with your friends. You might also want to try focus the loneliness into something positive. I would recommend put the energy that you waste feeling lonely into something legal and positive.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21): You did your best last week and you deserve a vacation. Too bad that it won’t be for a while because your ability to be the calm one is going to be put to good use again this week. It won’t be to stop a war but rather just little disputes here and there. At least you have that going for you rather than defusing to ticking time bombs like Ares and Taurus

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21): If I was you, I would take a break from all that kinky sex. It’s not good for the body. Relax this week or just have calmer sex. Either way, stay out of the freaky and kinky sex. Refuel and just enjoy the fact that you can breathe without a muzzle or a something getting rammed into different parts of your body. Also, make sure you keep it normal parts of your body and nothing that will require you to seek medical attention. Examples: an ear, nose, eyes, etc.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19): You will continue on the path on figuring what the fuck a Capricorn is. It’s all about self-discovery because you will know your self better than anyone else would. So if you don’t know what the fuck a Capricorn is, then you better start this week by figuring that out.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more awesome things.

 

Pop Project Horoscopes for week of June 12th, 2017

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It’s time to looking into the stars….not the stars in Hollywood but rather the ones in the sky that no one looks at in person. I’ve decided to give astrology a try to tell you what to expect when it comes to the week ahead. Welcome to the Pop Project Horoscopes. I was going to call them Poposcopes but that’s something entirely different that we shouldn’t discuss. This is a family blog depending on the day of the week.

So here’s how this is going to work, in case you have never dealt with astrology before, match the sign that fits your birthday. It’s a very simple concept. So let’s begin!

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18): You will be going through a lot of changes this week. A lot of tough decisions will be made this week. Don’t fight it. Especially if they are something involving water. You are an Aquarius. Water is literally in your name. Just go with the flow, especially if that flow is a river, creek, or something like that.

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20): Warmer temperatures are here and you are fish. Fishing will become a common practice for the next couple months, but even worse this week. Your week will suck because people will be trying to catch you for both food and pleasure. Just don’t go for anything that magically appeared and looks like they shouldn’t be there to begin with. Use your fishy sense.

Ares (Mar 21 – Apr 19)You will continue to cause chaos and misery this week. Be prepare to fight a war because you’re the fucking god of war.  It would be shocking if you didn’t go a day without killing…erm, fighting with someone. Killing is wrong and shouldn’t be done. But you will be fighting with a Taurus this week for dominance. It will be over something stupid but you don’t know how to pick your battles. Good luck!

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20): You’re pretty much screwed this week if you are Taurus because you will be at war with an Ares this week because your stubborn dick that doesn’t know when to not push buttons. Ares is the god of war and you will be pretty much dead if you don’t hold your ground and just try to last. Ares may respect you if you survive. Good luck and learn to be less stubborn. It will save your life.

Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20): If you are not a twin, you will be in a week of struggle between the twin that is currently living inside of you. Not physically because that’s just fucked up but also cool at the same time. Anyways, your twin will be trying to take over your body and push your soul to the waste side. Your twin’s soul is currently living inside of you and is wanting to break free. If you have a twin, you will be safe this week. Take it easy.

Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22): You really just need to calm yourself. I get that Flounder is annoying but he is Ariel’s best friend and that the problem you need to focus on. Teach Ariel to make friends with people of her own species then you can get rid…Oops, wrong crab. Pretty much, just try not to pinch people’s nerves this week and you should be fine. Just play nice and all will be okay.

Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22): If another lion can survive this father being trampled in a stampede, then you can survive this week. While you won’t have to detail with a homicidal uncle that’s trying to take over, hopefully, it will be a rough week. Just power through it with a smile and remember that it will be all over soon…the week that is. Also, I’m sorry for your loss.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22): You need to be very careful this week because I don’t know if you read the origin story for Virgo, but it involves some heavy shit. LITERALLY. Like someone got locked in a box and thrown into a river. If that happened during  way back in the day, can you picture what would happen in this day and age. Just watch your back and don’t make any life altering decisions.

Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22): If you don’t all ready have a cat, you might want to invest in one because it’s going to be one of those weeks. People around you will be busy and you will pretty much be flying solo, which is where the cat will come into play. The cat will be your best friend this weekend will keep your company until your human friends will return to you. If your human friends doesn’t return t you, then your future of being that one person with hundreds of cats. They will never return if that happens because you will smell like cat pee. No one likes that smell. Not even cats.  

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21): You will be in the forefront of the Ares/Taurus war trying to keep the peace. You’re determination will decided who lives and die. This is extreme intense right? Well, it is because the was between Ares/Taurus could end the world. Try to save Taurus the most because Ares is the god of war and it will be a massacre if Ares reaches full power.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21): This is your week to finally get your lover to act out your own take on “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Just let your freak flag fly and just go at it like Christian Grey and his sex slave. Pretty much, you’re just going to be horny all week until you are singing Rihanna’s “S&M” right before he tells you the safety word. I recommend using the safety word of “stop.”

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19): WTF is a Capricorn to begin with? Your week will be one of self discovery and figuring out what and who you are. That’s something that important you know. If you don’t know who you are, then you will never be happy.  Also, try your best not to eat any corn-based products. You may be eating a distant relative or something like that.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more awesome things.