Another letter to Santa

Dear Santa Claus,

Hello there! It’s me again. I hope this letter finds you well. I’m very glad to see that you still aren’t in jail. Don’t worry, karma ends up catching up to you eventually. Again, I’m joking slightly. I’m writing you this letter again because I need you to give some gifts out for me. I’m broke af, I cannot afford to get some of these gifts. Not to mention that some of these gifts are impossible for me to get. Just be happy that I’m getting you this letter before Christmas. Anyways here’s my list. 

Kim Kardashian has been working on the same letter since last year 

CLICK HERE TO READ LAST YEAR’S LETTER TO SANTA

Bailey Miller: Queen of Jelly, Bows, and city treasure

You failed me last year, Santa. I asked you to get my friend, click here to follow her on Twitter, Nick Jonas and you gave him to the wrong girl. Now he’s off and married unaware that he’s missing out a lifetime of free jam and jelly. Sure, I might have asked you to get her a new man but you still should have made her dreams come true with Nick Jonas. That what you are about. Making dreams come true? I’m also still waiting to find KJ Apa a good home but that’s something we can discuss another time.

This year, please get Bailey a man since you took Nick Jonas off the market. I’m serious too! You need to make it up for her. I recommend a CW star because they are all super attractive. Charles Melton, Reggie from “Riverdale,” would be a good fit for her. Cole Sprouse but one of his characters dated a Bailey and that would be awkward. In college, she liked to watch frat boys and patiently wait for them to ask her to the sock hop and to get a soda pop. That gives you an idea of who to have your vertically challenged slaves kidnap and put a bow on. Oh, and she would also like Demi Lovato to release more music. I would also like her to do go to Lindsay Lohan’s beach club so she can truly go on a Lohan holiday. 

Donald Trump

…..I’m still waiting for the refund….

Victoria Justice

While I may in the past have made comments on about Vicky J, I think WE ALL need to be a little nicer on the girl who may or may not bullied Ariana Grande and ended the gem “VICTORiOUS.” Without her, we wouldn’t have Ariana Grande’s rise to be a pop star. For that, I decided that she doesn’t coal this year. Please give Victoria Justice a career again. It doesn’t have to be anything too long or good, just something that will tie her over. I wouldn’t mind if that would be a “VICTORiOUS” reunion movie. I think WE ALL would agree that it would be great. Santa, let’s make Vicky J great again!

People of the United States

Like last year, Please give the people of the United States the ability to pull their heads out of their self-centered asses and think of others instead of themselves. Also, please make them less rude. 

Jake Paul

While I might have suggested that he and his brother, Logan, might have sold their soul to the devil, I think he deserves a little Christmas joy this year. I would like Jake Paul to have some actually true friends. While he has friends, I would like him to have some that will be good influences on him. What I got from Shane Dawson’s docuseries is that he needs those in his life. He has a good head on his shoulders but he need the right people in his life to make smart decisions. 

I hope you are able to deliver these gifts to them. It would make me the happiest boy in the world. Please let me know when you are going to come visit my house. I have my attack cats ready to assault you. They are trained to protect the house. Hope to see you soon!

Your “friend,”

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Steven Kaufman

Leave your thoughts/tea in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more of that tea.

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Does Ariana Grande’s ‘Santa Tell Me’ still hold up 4 years later?

All I Want For Christmas is a man

Welcome to Ariana Fridays! Every Friday leading up to Christmas, I’ll be review Ariana Grande Christmas catalog. She happens to have two EPs and  one single. Nothing brings Christmas cheer like Ariana Grande.

Back in 2014, I reviewed Ariana Grande’s Christmas jingle “Santa Tell Me.” I gave that a 2 candy canes out of 5. I thought it was cute to rate things based on items that have to do with that. I’m glad I no longer do that. I thought it was a good idea to actually re-review what one Ariana Grande fan has called a “holiday bop.” Was I too harsh on the song or was I right along? Welcome to the Pop Project Redux, where I re-review things because I’m out of ideas for content. 

Click Here for the other Ariana Fridays articles

Now when I first reviewed “Santa Tell Me,” I’ll be the first to admit that it wasn’t a good review. I spent more time complaining about the fact that Christmas themed song is overly done than actually tell you about the single. It’s not something that I would post today unless it’s for the video of the song. 

“Santa Tell Me” was released as a stand-alone Christmas song from Ms. Grande, Miss Butera is you’re nasty, in the US. It was included in Ariana’s Christmas EP “Christmas Kisses” in the land of the rising sun Japan. Click the link under a winking Ariana for that review. Ariana has been weird when it comes to Christmas music. It’s like she wants to release some but yet she doesn’t. I just waiting for the studio version of her cover of “All I Want For Christmas is You.”

The song itself isn’t a bad song. It’s your standard Ariana Grande song.  It has a catchy beat. It’s pretty much talking about asking Santa for a man for Christmas but not getting your hopes up in case Santa can’t fit another human down a chimney.  She wants a man that care and not like the past men in her life. It’s kind of bland lyrics. Like who ask Santa Claus for a man? 

The lyrics hold back the song. If it was a little less cheery, then it would make sense but the tone of the lyrics and the beat doesn’t mes well. The lyrics are deep but the fact that it’s on a Christmas song make them bland. This topic would have been better handled as a non-Christmas song.  It would have been able to get deep and the depth it should have gotten. 

It sounds like Miss Butera is trying to create something you will listen to all year round but it falls short. It feels like a rushed and like they were just trying to put it out to capitalize and boost sales for “Christmas Kisses.” It is a bop but not a bop like all the other bops she has put out. The video for “Santa Tell Me” does make it 100% better. It doesn’t fit the song lyrically but does it fit the beat and is adorable. It’s pretty much just Ariana and her friends having fun and spreading Christmas cheer around her house. 

Verdict

“Santa Tell Me” is an attempt to be a holiday classic but it falls short. Unless you are a hardcore Ariana Grande fan, you will probably enjoy when it comes on but it probably won’t be something you will remember to play every Christmas. I do recommend listening to it at least once or twice. It is a quality listen. I would watch the video while listening to it just for the fact it makes it more enjoyable. It’s an enjoyable song either way but more enjoyable with the visuals.

Also, make sure you listen take a listen to the Japanese version, it’s dirtier. There’s talks of mounting and someone unwrapping her. It’s worth the listen for a dirty Christmas song.

Rating: 4 out of 5

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Ariana Grande brings Christmas cheer in ‘Christmas Kisses’

Welcome to Ariana Fridays! Every Friday leading up to Christmas, I’ll be review Ariana Grande Christmas catalog. She happens to have two EPs and  one single. Nothing brings Christmas cheer like Ariana Grande.

It’s the first Friday in December! Do you know what that means? Only 18 days until Christmas. As you have a massive heart attack because you haven’t finished your Christmas shopping, it’s time to go down memory lane  and reminisce about Ariana Grande’s first ever Christmas EP “Christmas Kisses.” Also, I swear this isn’t being an Ariana Grande fan site. It just happens she’s a queen and I appreciate a queen being a queen. Welcome to the first edition of Ariana Fridays!

“Christmas Kisses” was released in December of 2013. Instead of having all the songs come out on the EP release date, each song was released individually as single the weeks leading up to the release date. This was done similar to Justin Bieber and how he did his album “Journals,” which was also released in the same month.  It’s like they have the same manger or something. 

The EP features four songs on it. Two of the songs are covers while the other two songs are original Christmas songs. The album is a good mix of pop and R&B. It’s similar in style to her debut album “Yours Truly.” The album has a good flow when it comes to the layout and progression of the EP. It starts out fast paced and extremely upbeat before ending on a much relaxing and slower pace. The EP has this old-school Britney Spears and Mariah Carey feel to it. 

The two covers are of “Last Christmas” and “Santa Baby,” which also features former “VICTORiOUS” co-star Liz Gillies. Both songs Ariana put her own spin on to where they are still the same songs you know and love but more update to date. This is more so apparent in “Last Christmas” where she added in a new verse. This is the kind of covers of Christmas music I want to hear. She adds something new to the songs and not let it be just the same old song. 

The two original songs, “Love in Everything,” and “Snow in California” are good songs but they aren’t that memorable as the other two. They aren’t bad songs but they are just average. “Love is Everything” is such as better song compared to “Snow in California.” It’s just too corny with the lyrics. It’s even too corny for Christmas music standards. “Snow in California” is just meh. It’s not bad but it’s not good. It just feels like filler on the album. It’s also not as lyrically strong as the rest of the album. 

Verdict

“Christmas Kisses” is great first Christmas EP but it’s nothing too great. The covers on the album are the highlights while the original songs are something that most people will just gloss over. I do recommend this EP as it’s good music to have on in the background during this holiday season. You will mainly be listening to the covers. 

Rating: 4 out of 5

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A letter to Santa Claus

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Santa, can you hear me?

Dear Santa,

I hope this letter finds you well as you prepare to break into countless homes around the world in order to give the children you find worthy gifts. Joking about you breaking into homes…sort of. If you want to read more about here my article where I pretty much call you creepy. Anyways, I writing you this letter last minute because I have some people I would like you to give some gifts. And because you are a very “busy man,” let’s be real: you enslaved vertically challenged people to do your bidding, I broke it down in a sort of bullet points. They are after this gif of Kim Kardashian West pretending that she can read.

My friend Bailey Miller: queen of Bows, Jelly, and being extra af

You might remember her. Here’s her twitter because she wants that free promo for nothing. smh. She wanted me to ask you for Nick Jonas under her Christmas tree but I told her that you only give out new toys and not old ones. So please get her a new mantoy to obsessive over. No one should get hammy downs for Christmas. I recommend KJ Apa because he has “dem abs,” a sugar daddy, or even one of those Disney stars that aren’t a 50 year playing a teenager. You might want to get her something to keep her alive because she’s always saying that “she’s dead.” If she is dead when you get there, I will find a good home for KJ. Oh, she’s also very jelly that Jojo’s bow game. Please make it okay for someone in their mid 20s to wear bows. But take that ability away once her bows become they engulf her head.

Jojo Siwa

She’s literally everywhere this year and I just have two simple requests for her. Please get her something that will make less like she’s sharing Honey Boo Boo’s gogo juices. Also, please take her to a good doctor for her neck. Her bows are the size of her head, that really can’t be good for the neck in the long run, especially when she’s shaking it all around. Honestly, if you can get her a lot of small bows, the world would thank you as well as her parents in the future because those medical bills will break their bank.

President Trump

I know asking for a refund on this one is asking for too much, so can you please just take away his Twitter, his ego, his ability to talk, and his ability to be seen on TV? Also, please get him a membership to hair club to men. That hair is something no one should have to see or live with.

People of the United States

This one is a biggy. Please give the people of the United States the ability to pull their heads out of their self centered asses and think of others instead of themselves. Also, please make them less rude.

The Kardashian/Jenner Family

What do you get the family that literally has everything? Please get them more important things to do than just being on a reality show. I’m kind of over them to a certain degree. I still will celebrate anniversary’s by Kardashian’s rather than gems, because Kardashian’s are forever. I just would like one year where I don’t have to hear about who they are getting “jolly” with. Also, please get them more clothes. Every year, it seems like their clothes are shrinking or they are just losing them. Oh, please give Scott Disick more screen time because he’s the best thing about the show.

I hope you are able to deliver these gifts to them. It would make me the happiest boy in the world. Please let me know when you are going to come visit my house. I have my attack cats ready to assault you. They are trained to protect the house. Hope to see you soon!

Your “friend,”

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Steven Kaufman

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more cool things.