Lizzie McGuire and the International Music Video Awards

2003 was a year that will live in music history infamy. Beyoncé dropped her debut solo single, “Crazy in Love.” The concert festival Lollapalooza returned after a six-year absence. iTunes launched worldwide. A teenage girl killed one of the most prestigious awards shows with one performance. It’s time to revisit a little trip to Rome where a clumsy blonde girl from a typical small-town USA went on stage and performed at the world-famous award show. Think like the VMAs but even more significant and weird. It’s time to remember that iconic yet strange performance of “What Dreams Are Made of” by Lizzie McGuire.

Goodbye, Lizzie McGuire. Hello, fabulous

Editor’s note: If you are taking this seriously then please GTFO. See you next week brah.

It was the 2003 International Music Video Awards. All the Italian music stars were there. They were soaking up each other’s Italian awesomeness while drinking awesome Italian shooters. Italian pop icons and their version of Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake, Isabella Parigi and Paolo Valisari were set to perform. They were going to set their regional hit ballad “What Dreams Are Made Of.” It was a big deal. Such a big deal in fact that Isabella pulled a Britney Jean and split on the adorable tan and slightly muscular cannoli, Paolo after they broke up. It wasn’t full level Britney “I’m going to shave my head” Jean level, but still, she pulled a Britney.

“We’ve been voted “best pop duo of the year” again,” Paolo stated, “But I want to do more serious music. And when I told this to lsabella, she said flat-out ‘no.’ I was forced to tell her, ‘This is it. This will be our last CD together’.”

Lizzie McGuire and Paolo Valisari

Paolo saw Lizzie on the streets one day and thought, “That looks like my lovely Isabella.” So he told the impressionable blonde girl from America “I can make you a star baby” and she didn’t find it sketchy or creepy. This is why we don’t have beautiful things. The two prepared for the International Music Video Awards event of the year that feels like in a few days. Lizzie was only in Italy for two weeks. Literally, it was probably within a week to rehearse and prepare this for the world, aka Italy, to see.

The Performance

On the day of the performance, Lizzie’s best friend David Zephyr Gordon, aka Gordo, ran into the real-life Isabella at the airport. It’s that Lizzie learned about the true intentions of Paolo.

“That whole story about Paolo doing his own music and going solo. That’s lsabella,” Gordo said, ” She’s the one that sings live. Isabella wants to quit the act. Paolo is just a liar. This has all been some scheme to set you up and embarrass you onstage.”

It was then that Gordo and Isabella plotted and changed the game on Paolo. Paolo arranged for Lizzie’s mic to be live and to have her take the fall for Isabella. Gordo and Isabella hijacked the audio board and had Paolo actually sing live while Isabella sang live for Lizzie. As a result, Paolo was blindsided.

You’re grounded for the rest of the summer, sweetheart. But we’re really proud of you

Sam and Jo McGuire, Lizzie’s parents

“Sing for me, Paolo” Isabella said to Paolo before he ran in embarrassment. Isabella had exposed Paolo for the biggest lip-sync scandal to hit Europe since the Milli Vanilli incident in 1989. After Isabella explained what just happened to the thousands in attendance and the millions watching at home, her and Lizzie went on to perform a more pop and upbeat version of “What Dreams are Made of.” Isabella then let Lizzie make her solo musical debut continuing on with the performance that wasn’t ever rehearsed nor planned out.

It was during this performance that the first weave was snatched. It flew out of the country once Lizzie’s backup dancers pulled her tear away her skirt to reveal pants. Lizzie got a standing ovation from all her fellow classmates, family members in attendance, as well as the people in attendance.

The Aftermath

“While it was the usually Paolo and Isabella performance we have been accustomed to,” Italian music critic Alonso Veracruz wrote in his review of the performance in a 2003 article for MTV Italy, “American new comer Lizzie McGuire did very well in her first performance after the initial nerves.”

“The Technicolor finish was the best part of the entire performance,” Aleece Butera of Entertainment Tonight Italy, ” I don’t know what I just watch but I hope that I never have to see that again.”

International Music Video Awards were quietly canceled as no one could ever top that performance, as well of the fact it was the lowest-rated award show in the history of European television. The performance has become a cult classic among the LGBTQ+ community as a song celebrating coming out and being true to yourself. Lizzie McGuire became a gay icon.

Since the performance, Paolo has been exiled from the spotlight and been living off the grid. No one has seen him since the camera caught him leaving on that night. Isabella had a successful solo career before going off and starting a family. She is currently starting in as a host on Disney Channel Italy. Lizzie McGuire will be starring in an upcoming show on Disney + named after her.

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The live action​ ‘Kim Possible’ isn’t what dreams are made of

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As a someone who grew up during the late 90s and early 00s, my heart filled with joy and then freaked out when I heard that they were going to be making a live action “Kim Possible” movie. Besides the fact that recent Disney Channel programming has been rather crappy, reboots that take cartoons and make them live action don’t typically do well. They rather suck if now done right. Spoiler: this is one of those reviews where I watch things so you don’t have to. You’re Welcome

What’s the sitch?

“Kim Possible” was released on Disney Channel as a Disney Channel Original Movie, or DCOM, on February 15, 2019. It was directed by newcomer Adam Stein and former DCOM actor turned director Zach Lipovsky. It pretty much stars a bunch of unknowns/newcomers. The only real big name that is heavily in the movie is Alyson Hannigan (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “How I Met Your Mother”). The OG Kim Possible and Disney Channel legend Christy Carlson Romano has a small cameo in the movie as well as the original voice of Rufus, Nancy Cartwright reprises her role as Rufus. The acting in this movie isn’t bad. If I had to rate it, it would 6/10. It’s honestly the younger cast is what wasn’t working when it came to acting. They did all right, especially when you think about it’s most of their first big role.

The plot of this movie is one that’s hard to follow. It’s pretty much just Kim Possible living her life as a teenage crime fighter with her best friend Ron Stoppable. Her life gets turned upside down when she befriends a new student named Athena. Then Kim starts questioning herself once Athena starts to still her thunder and become a better version of Kim. In between this, Kim’s archnemesis Dr. Drakken and his henchwomen Shego create a masterplan to defeat Kim once and for all.

The writing for this movie was actually the highlight of this film. It was rather witty at times and I laughed at some of the times. The writing didn’t take itself seriously and made fun of itself. The effects were also something that was rather good. It wasn’t like a blockbuster movie with the effects but it was still good. There wasn’t any clear direction with the writing and production.

I feel bad that this is her first major role

Who was the attended audience? They don’t air the original show besides on their Disney Now app. None of their current generation of Disney Channel fans would know about Kim Possible. Sure, it really shouldn’t matter. But the movie alienates the older fans that know and love KP with the sometimes childish approach and doesn’t give the newer fan information on why KP is KP and won’t get them interested beside “Who is this girl and why is she fighting crime?”

My biggest complaint with the entire movie is the characterization of characters. Like I’m supposed to like Kim Possible and want her to succeed but I honestly found her the worst character in the entire movie. She came off as just a showoff and someone that just gets everything handed to them. At first, I wasn’t sure if it was how they were portraying Kim or it was just the actress. I went back to watch the original and Kim was portrayed the same but she was just super more likable.

The way they portrayed Kim in the film vs how portrayed Kim in the cartoon was like night and day. Kim in the cartoon was still perfect but she didn’t really rub it into everyone’s faces. One thing that stood out was that cartoon Kim denied Wade, her super genius benefactor, help for her homework. In the movie, Kim literally used Wade for things that didn’t have to do with missions or saving the world. It was little things like attention to details like that I wish they pulled over. I should want to like Kim Possible not want her to lose. I was totally rooting for Dr. Drakken and Shego to win. They were the best characters and had the best characterization. I also didn’t like Athena, at all.

I think a lot of this has to do with the fact the movie was directed by two people. There are two different visions there. While the original creators were involved, which you can tell with the writing, I feel like the two directors with two different amount of directing experience is what severely hurt the movie. It’s like you are putting a newborn puppy with a full adult dog and expecting them both to fetch. You really only need one director because there will be plenty of other people, like producers, to help if the director needs to run things off of people. Now, I’m not saying that the new director would have sucked by himself or vice versa. But the fact they had two directors on the films could have been why it felt like the film had no direction.

Overall, I would avoid watching “Kim Possible” unless it’s one of the original two DCOM movies or the original series. This movie wasn’t any good.

Rating: 1 out of 5

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Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with the DCOM classic ‘The Luck of the Irish’

While yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day, I thought it would be only fitting to celebrate it the day after when everyone is hungover with a classic holiday. Yes, even St. Patrick’s Day has a movie that is a requirement for everyone in America to watch on this fateful day. I watched “The Luck of the Irish” and it’s time to review it.

From the shores of Erie

“The Luck of the Irish” is a Disney Channel Original Movie released in 2001. It was Paul Hoen, who would direct other DCOM movies like “The Cheetah Girls: One World” and “Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam.” Such a great track record. The only really notable star of this movie is hunk Ryan Merriman (“Pretty Little Liars” and “Smart House”). Everyone else was kind of just there. The acting wasn’t bad but it wasn’t anything to cry home about. It was just kind of meh.

The movie followed Kyle (Ryan) as he discovers his heritage after his lucky coin was stolen by an evil leprechaun. Turns out that he comes from a family of leprechauns on his mother’s side and that coin was his family’s luck. Because their luck has been stolen, they are turning into leprechauns. Kyle, with the help of his family and friends, must get back their family’s luck before the big basketball game. I shit you not, this is the plot of the movie. What the fuck was in the water during the late 90s/early 00s?

The Luck of the Irish has been very good to Ryan Merriman

While I still enjoyed watching this movie, the movie’s plot is all over the place. Like literally, there are more plot holes in this than what you will find in an episode of “Riverdale.” Like the big bad leprechaun has magical powers but no other leprechaun in the movie has it. There are hints of it with Kyle’s grandfather but that’s it. There are literally more plot holes and if you literally just sit there a watch it and point out said plot holes, you will lose your mind.

I recommend just watching this movie if you are looking for an enjoyable non-sensical good time. That’s really the best way to watch the movie. If you think about the plot too much, then you will actually hate the movie and question why you want to watch it. This is just a feel good movie that you really shouldn’t take too seriously. Once you start taking it seriously, then that’s when you will start to hate it. The ending of the movie is extremely anti-climatic but it’s a Disney movie so that explains a lot. It’s your standard Disney ending.

Verdict

“The Luck of the Irish” is one of those classic DCOMs that you shouldn’t take seriously at all. It’s a classic Disney Channel movie that is a requirement to watch when it’s St. Patrick’s Day. It just a good fun time. When you take it seriously, that’s when it no longer becomes fun and rather just unfun and annoying. Other than that, I highly recommend this movie.

Rating: 3 out of 5

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Review: ‘Liv and Maddie’

Dove Cameron shines in “Liv and Maddie’ but what’s new.

In honor of the return of “Descendants 3” in 2019, I thought it was time to sit down and review the gift that brought Dove Cameron into my life. That is right, we are going to review “Liv and Maddie.” Don’t worry, it’s not as bad as “Dog with a Blog.” I’ve never actually seen “Dog with a Blog” but it was a really show that was so stupid. How did that dog actually type? And who would let their dog use their computer, let alone buy them one?

“Liv and Maddie” follows two twin sisters in a documentary-style show. Dove plays both the roles of twins. Liv is an actress that returned home after four years of being on the hit TV show “Sing it Loud.” Her sister Maddie is the total opposite of her sister; she is more into sports. From there, it’s your basic situational Disney Channel family sitcom. Plot of the day, then chaos ensues, followed by a life lesson that will make you think. The show ran for four season, with the fourth and finale season being named “Liv and Maddie: Cail Style.”

I was rather surprised by how good this show was. Disney Channel shows haven’t really been anything to celebrate to a certain degree since the early 2010s. “Liv and Maddie” was a clever produced show that was actually funny. It wasn’t too childish to where you couldn’t stand it but it wasn’t too adult to where parent would want to take the mouse down. It covered a lot of topics that a Disney Channel show before “Andi Mack” never covered. Like they did multiple episodes on female image and about empowering women/girls. It was really nice to see topics like that covered.

Dove Cameron is honestly the best part of the show. She plays two characters and does it very well. She also has a lot of amazing songs on the soundtrack. The original soundtrack for the show is flawlessly done by Dove. Pretty much, Dove is the best part of the show. I preferred her as Maddie over her as Liv. Liv was just too much for me. Also, that voice. It’s like nails on a chalkboard over and over again.

The only thing that wasn’t good about “Liv and Maddie” was the last season. It was just strange and felt out of place with the rest of the series. Sure, there was a big change in it but it wasn’t as funny or clever like the three seasons before it. They also brought back a lot of past characters to the new setting, which just made me miss what “Liv and Maddie” was.

Verdict

Overall, “Liv and Maddie” is on the list of classic Disney Channel shows. It’s one of those shows that will forever be timeless. It’s just too bad that it won’t get the proper props it deserves. The style of the show is what really makes the show stand out. It just goes with extremely well with the storytelling. This show is just an amazing show…not just because Dove Cameron is on it.

Rating: 4 out of 5

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