#JBTBT comes to an end with ‘Lines, Vines, and Trying Times’

In honor of the return of The Jonas Brothers, every Thursday in March will be dedicated to them as we walk down memory lane and review all four of their albums. Welcome to #JBTBT.

It’s the final Thursday in March and it’s time for our final #JBTBT. It’s been a long March and as a newly christened Jo Hoe, yep I lost my Jonas Brother purity ring, I’m frankly glad that it’s over because this has been an enjoyable experience but it’s exhausting. Extremely exhausting. So let’s deep dive into final Jonas Brother album before their breakup back in 2013.

Jo Hoe’s when “Lines, Vines, and Trying Times” came out.

For the other #JBTBT Reviews:

|”It’s About Time“|”Jonas Brother“|”A Little Bit Longer“|

With every strike of lightening, comes a memory that lasts

“Lines, Vines, and Trying Times” is their fourth album overall and the last album under the tyranny of Disney’s Hollywood Records. It was released in June 2009, less than a year since the release of “A Little Bit Longer.” Produced by the same guy that did the last two, the album was a little bit more mature than the albums that we previously received from them. It’s just too bad that this album got all most the same amount of mixed reviews as the Joe Jonas’s solo album “Fastlife,” or as I call it “I just got laid so here’s an album to signal that I’m a ‘love slayer’ in bed.

The album itself isn’t as bad as “It’s About Time.” While Nick’s vocals don’t change from the beginning of the album to the end, you can tell that they were burnt out. Between touring, their slightly successful TV shows and movies, these boys were tired af and the mouse probably wanted to capitalize on their fame. It really shows on the album. There’s a collective overall theme but it’s not as strong as the last two albums.

The biggest issue with this album is production. Some songs are just overproduced, some songs are produced weird. Like there’s one song where they added clapping in the chorus but it’s on the offbeat and not where you would normally have it. They also had a kink for horns of this album There’s also the mixture of genres in the album. This was definitely their album where they tried to play with their sound. This album was less rock and more pop rock.

“Before the Storm” is easily the highlight of the album. It’s featuring Miley Cyrus and it’s just her and Nick the entire song. It’s a Niley romantic ballad that is literally everything. I’m not going to talk about “Don’t Charge Me for the Crime.” That’s another conversation in itself. The songs are bad on the album, there’s some better than others. Like 40% on the album is meh songs. “Don’t Speak,” “Paranoid,” “Fly to Me,” and “Black Keys” aren’t bad songs either. They just don’t have that wow factor like their past works. The lyrics are actually less wordy than their previous work. I’m here for the less wordy lyrics. They are still profound and good lyrics.

I do recommend listing to the album because it’s still an enjoyable experience. It’s just not as good as what we have gotten from them in the past. “A Little Bit Longer” is the best album in the entire discography, so far. But this is definitely in the top three.

Rating: 3 out of 5

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The live action​ ‘Kim Possible’ isn’t what dreams are made of

As a someone who grew up during the late 90s and early 00s, my heart filled with joy and then freaked out when I heard that they were going to be making a live action “Kim Possible” movie. Besides the fact that recent Disney Channel programming has been rather crappy, reboots that take cartoons and make them live action don’t typically do well. They rather suck if now done right. Spoiler: this is one of those reviews where I watch things so you don’t have to. You’re Welcome

What’s the sitch?

“Kim Possible” was released on Disney Channel as a Disney Channel Original Movie, or DCOM, on February 15, 2019. It was directed by newcomer Adam Stein and former DCOM actor turned director Zach Lipovsky. It pretty much stars a bunch of unknowns/newcomers. The only real big name that is heavily in the movie is Alyson Hannigan (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “How I Met Your Mother”). The OG Kim Possible and Disney Channel legend Christy Carlson Romano has a small cameo in the movie as well as the original voice of Rufus, Nancy Cartwright reprises her role as Rufus. The acting in this movie isn’t bad. If I had to rate it, it would 6/10. It’s honestly the younger cast is what wasn’t working when it came to acting. They did all right, especially when you think about it’s most of their first big role.

The plot of this movie is one that’s hard to follow. It’s pretty much just Kim Possible living her life as a teenage crime fighter with her best friend Ron Stoppable. Her life gets turned upside down when she befriends a new student named Athena. Then Kim starts questioning herself once Athena starts to still her thunder and become a better version of Kim. In between this, Kim’s archnemesis Dr. Drakken and his henchwomen Shego create a masterplan to defeat Kim once and for all.

The writing for this movie was actually the highlight of this film. It was rather witty at times and I laughed at some of the times. The writing didn’t take itself seriously and made fun of itself. The effects were also something that was rather good. It wasn’t like a blockbuster movie with the effects but it was still good. There wasn’t any clear direction with the writing and production.

I feel bad that this is her first major role

Who was the attended audience? They don’t air the original show besides on their Disney Now app. None of their current generation of Disney Channel fans would know about Kim Possible. Sure, it really shouldn’t matter. But the movie alienates the older fans that know and love KP with the sometimes childish approach and doesn’t give the newer fan information on why KP is KP and won’t get them interested beside “Who is this girl and why is she fighting crime?”

My biggest complaint with the entire movie is the characterization of characters. Like I’m supposed to like Kim Possible and want her to succeed but I honestly found her the worst character in the entire movie. She came off as just a showoff and someone that just gets everything handed to them. At first, I wasn’t sure if it was how they were portraying Kim or it was just the actress. I went back to watch the original and Kim was portrayed the same but she was just super more likable.

The way they portrayed Kim in the film vs how portrayed Kim in the cartoon was like night and day. Kim in the cartoon was still perfect but she didn’t really rub it into everyone’s faces. One thing that stood out was that cartoon Kim denied Wade, her super genius benefactor, help for her homework. In the movie, Kim literally used Wade for things that didn’t have to do with missions or saving the world. It was little things like attention to details like that I wish they pulled over. I should want to like Kim Possible not want her to lose. I was totally rooting for Dr. Drakken and Shego to win. They were the best characters and had the best characterization. I also didn’t like Athena, at all.

I think a lot of this has to do with the fact the movie was directed by two people. There are two different visions there. While the original creators were involved, which you can tell with the writing, I feel like the two directors with two different amount of directing experience is what severely hurt the movie. It’s like you are putting a newborn puppy with a full adult dog and expecting them both to fetch. You really only need one director because there will be plenty of other people, like producers, to help if the director needs to run things off of people. Now, I’m not saying that the new director would have sucked by himself or vice versa. But the fact they had two directors on the films could have been why it felt like the film had no direction.

Overall, I would avoid watching “Kim Possible” unless it’s one of the original two DCOM movies or the original series. This movie wasn’t any good.

Rating: 1 out of 5

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Sweetwater Tea Episode 8: ‘Heathers’ musical review

Listen up fives, a ten is speaking and I’m in the mood for some chaos. Sorry that these little updates been missing like a quality relationship in our town with pep. Last night was the opening night for Riverdale High’s musicale “Heathers.” Since I was going to be front and center for this chaos, I thought I would don my iconic journalism clutch and review the mess. Betty Cooper is quaking in her tacky puffy sweater. I heard she wears them so Juggiekins has a place to cry and store things in while they are out and about being nosy bitches. Welcome to this special edition of “Sweetwater Tea.”

Me when I heard that Cheryl would actually be in this musical

This year musicale is based on some 80s movie that was more messed than a Cooper-Blossom family reunion. Now while some of the tea behind the scenes was more interesting, like the fact that Daddykins is single and ready to mingle (call me xoxo), I thought I would try spill some tea and share my thoughts.

Frankly, I had extremely low expectations going into this musicale. Especially when none of them have any musical theater experiences nor have any of them really do a musicale before. Sorry but only doing half of the first act from “Carrie” doesn’t count, chums. If that does counts, then so does my pre-school’s production of “Spring Awakening.” Now, little does this cast know, but I was present for all the rehearsals and my name is even on the program. That’s right. I went all “Betty Cooper investigative reporter” on their asses.

Now, I don’t honestly don’t know how they pulled off this because they only practiced for like 3-5 days and all of those rehearsals were just one song and only for like 10-20 minutes. 80% of the rest of those time was spilling the tea and/or fighting with each other. Now, I’m no thespian but I’m pretty sure that this isn’t how you prepare for a musical.

If there’s tea, I’ll always spill…

Here’s some of the tea that I scooped up during these little rehearsals:

  • Seems like Sweet Pea still is crushing on Josiekins and ended up spilling that Sweet Tea on Archoise. It’s so sad when the outdated items at the bottom of the barrel think they are good as the up to date item.
  • Veronica is so good in bed that every guy she screws things they are end game with her.
  • It was World War III because our little Tonikins tried to step up the mythic bitch/her ex Cheryl Bombshell. One would think that having two exes working together wouldn’t be productive but Keviekins and his poor choice in clothing decide to prove that theory work. He failed miserably.
  • Apparently, the color red is Cheryl’s thing. Someone better tell Gretchen Weiner’s parents before they buy her a red item for Hanukkah.
  • Don’t go to a bake sale at “The Farm.” Their baked goods have weed in them and will make you see dead Midge on your walls.
  • Keviekins’ kink for closet cases is still alive and well. Our little Betty Doo got pictures of Cucumber Melon Fangs and K getting “married” in a cult-like ritual. Or was K just so desperate that The Farm felt bad for him they just stuck him with the first guy they could?
  • Toni apparently places for both teams as she had a taste for Peaches N Cream and Sweet Pea. She quickly realized after both get down into their underwear that she only has a taste for cherries.
  • Choni is back together yet they still have yet solved their issues. Sex can’t fix everything, chums.
  • Bughead no longer has just a kink for bunker sex. They also developed a pyro kink too. Our little bughead is growing up and moved past petty crimes for felonious crimes.
  • Why hasn’t anyone looked into all these Arsons? Does the police do anything in town?
  • Evelyn Neverever is worst than Betty Cooper when it comes to being a nosy bitch. Shocker.
  • Archie and Josie think they are in love but have no clue what they are. I’m pretty sure they don’t know what’s going on. But when does Archie know what’s going on?
  • Apparently, the new cool place in the town with pep to have sex in and throw a party is Sisters of Quiet Mercy and Murder. I can’t anymore with these crazy kids and their parents that don’t care about their well being. They make the parents on Rugrat’s look like parenting geniuses.

Now, this is the part you shouldn’t expect often because my cold-heart was shook. For a bunch of inexperienced teens with so much drama that it made Degrassi question whether it really “goes there,” this musical was a blast in a glass. Sure, it looked like a bunch of high children put it on but I had a slightly enjoyable time. It could have been way better if they didn’t let a cult run it. Also, if they actually rehearsed this for more than just a week. And someone died. I really wanted a body.

What a babe

I was rather upset that no one was murdered during this year’s musical. I took a pool and everyone thought that little Eviekins was going to be the one that gets killed. It isn’t “Heathers” nor a Riverdale High musical without a little death. You know my hatred burns brights for someone when little old me is waiting for Muller and Scully to rip Evelyn shreds and ruin the dull and mundane activities she calls a life. That’s right, I’m stanning Bitchy Cooper and Jughead Jones right now.

My only concern is why they didn’t invite the drama club to participate in this production? If they can randomly allow people into the production that didn’t rehearse, then why not let people who actually have a background in theatre do the musicale? Maybe Keviekins didn’t just let his friends with no theatre background into the musical last year, Midge would be here making out with Moose and having very awkward threesomes with Kevin.

Now that the players are revealed and the line in the sand is drawn, I wonder what’s in store for our little town of horrors. Will the spring awaken and cause The Farm to rise and control the town now that Edgar Neverever has revealed his DILF-Y self? Or will Bughead have to team up with their enemy of their enemy in order to save the town from the cult that would make the Illuminati say no longer want to exist? As always, chums, buckle up. You have no idea what will be in store for you. Especially since it seems like we are getting ready our own little West Side Story with Hiram vs Gladys vs Edgar. When you’re in Riverdale, you’re in Riverdale all the way. From the first lie you tell, to the secret you take to your grave.

Here’s also a special album from the musical that Edgar gave us:

If you breathe, it’s because I give you air…

P.S. Just because this tea party is over, doesn’t mean we can’t have another. Follow me, Sweetwater Bombshell, on Twitter. If you thought this tea was good, then you haven’t seen anything yet.

Jonas Brothers wow fans with their third album ‘A Little Bit Longer’

In honor of the return of The Jonas Brothers, every Thursday in March will be dedicated to them as we walk down memory lane and review all four of their albums. Welcome to #JBTBT.

This album is probably the one that I’m looking forward out of all of their discography. Today, we will talk and reminisce about “A Little Bit Longer.” It’s the holy grail for a Jo Hoe. I’m really hoping that they didn’t just talk this album up and it actually sucks. That’s what usually happens 99% of the time.

All the Jo Hoes went they broke up

For the other #JBTBT reviews: |It’s About Time|Jonas Brothers|

“A Little Bit Longer” was the third album from the brothers Jonas. It was the second overall album released under the Hollywood Records prison umbrella. It was released in the summer of 2008, post-“Camp Rock” release. Fun fact: the album is named after the song Nick Jonas wrote about being type 1 diabetes. Frankly, he made it seems like he was dying. I mean diabetes is serious but it’s just not as serious as cancer. C’mon dude, you probably sent thousands of teenage girls into the hospital with heart attacks.

The album itself takes what was good about their second album “Jonas Brothers” and makes it better. There is are no repeat songs on it like and all 12 main tracks are original. The rock feel continues onto it. It’s definitely more rock here than what we got in past two. It also fits well with the album they were producing at the time. You might have heard of it. Demi Lovato’s debut album “Don’t Forget.” Yeah, they produced an album before they had full fledge sex.

The album still has the Jonas’ wordy lyrics and frankly, it’s more present in this album than in the other one. It was to the point for the lyrics overpowered some of the song itself. Like with the song “A Little Bit Longer.” It’s a very pretty song about Nick’s diagnosis but it’s just kind of wordy. I really just want to go “Dudes, you’re famous. You don’t need words to get into their pants.” Then I remember they were waiting for the right girl and that maybe they thought using a thesaurus was foreplay.

One thing I didn’t really bring up in the last review was their vocals and the little things they added on top of the vocals. So the Jonas Brothers vocals are rather good. But they like to add little something extra to their vocals. It’s nothing bad but it’s kind of like “What was that for?” They add like a moan or a growl to their vocals. It’s in the chorus of “Tonight.” It doesn’t ruin the song but it can’t be good for their vocals. Maybe that was Nick’s way of getting his voice to say in one pitch or they were just practicing with their thesaurus and purity rings. It just something that’s synonymous with the Jo Bros.

Verdict

“A Little Bit Longer” is the best album in their discography. It’s a strong album that doesn’t really have a bad song. Some are stronger than others but it’s an enjoyable experience. There were some production things that made me turn my head. Not in a bad way but more in a “that’s a strange thing to do.” It does suffer from wordy lyrics and honest “A Little Bit Longer” the song is just too dramatic of a song for something like Diabetes. It’s a good song but c’mon.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5

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