Presidential Who’s who

election sm

It’s Election time! This year we will pick a brand new president because four years is enough of just one. And in order to help you, I thought I would break down each possible candidates and talk about the things that really matter and that’s not the issues.

Donald Trump- Yes, this is really happening if you didn’t know already. Voting for Donald Trump is voting for someone who openly supports bad hairstyles/hairdos Why would you let someone like that run the country? America has slightly high standard and other countries expect us to have the best hairstyles. Why in the world should we elect someone that supports sporting a comb over that isn’t fooling anyone? Besides, you can’t trust his hair because I heard it was full of secrets.

Hilary Clinton- She wears pants suits…no one should ever wear pantsuits unless they are named Leslie Knope. No one but her should be allowed to wear a pantsuit. They aren’t any sort of fashionable. Sure, they look official and fancy but they aren’t any that walk down the runway at any of the fashion shows. We need to be part of the high fashion and so should our leader.

Paris Hilton- She’s one of the many sleeper candidates that many people haven’t heard about. I’ve actually talked about her before. “Make America Hot Again” is her slogan and she’s here to turn the White House Pink. The only thing going against her is that she doesn’t know one of America’s top store-Walmart. Everyone knows Walmart and it’s a big part of America’s economy because it helped create jobs. Job creation is also an issue that her campaign has tackled but we aren’t here to talk about the issues.

Kim Kardashian and Kayne West- We might as well just give it to them to begin with because they are already leaders in the country. They are leaders in our media and are big deals. They know how to handle the public and both have wonderful PR teams that will help America’s relationship with other countries. The only problem with them is that the White House won’t be able to fit their egos.

Leslie Knope- She’s the best person out of the candidates. She’s been in government all of her life and did some big projects in her hometown of Pawnee, Indiana. She can pull out anything and she has a crack pot team with her! She’s just too much sometimes and I feel like that will hurt and help her.

That is my breakdown of the presidential candidates. I hope this will help you get to know your candidates better.

Have an opinion on one of the presidential candidates? Let us know in the comments below or tweet us @Steven_Kaufman.

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A Letter to Kim Kardashian West

KKW

Dear Kim Kardashian West,

Hello there! How are you today? I’m well. How’s North West? I hope she is well. So I’m writing this letter to you because we need to have a real talk because I know that you are going to read this letter because I know you start your day sitting by your phone/computer doing a Google search on your name and reading every last thing about you (I have my letter to TMZ and all media outlets ready when you send me my cease and desist letter for this letter).

You need to keep your clothes on. I just keep seeing your big naked ass and how it decided to break the internet. It’s really started to break my eyes. I get that you are trying to show off your body, and I’ll admit, it’s a bangin’ bod, but I don’t care to see it. Remember that sex tape that you made back when Ray J Hit it first? Oh yeah, you don’t because you wanted people to forget about it. Bitch, do you really think that taking naked photos of you will make people forget that you had a sex tape when you fuel searches like “Kim Kardashian Nude”? Hell to the naw. If this is your mom’s idea to sell some more “merch”, then you need to fire her (sorry, Kris) because that shiz isn’t going to be working like she think it is.

So please, for the love of Kayne, keep your clothes on bitch!

 

Love,

Steven Kaufman