A Letter to Nickelodeon 


Dear Nickelodeon,

I hope this letter finds you well. I’m writing this letter about a totally and complete travesty that happened at 2017 Kids Choice Awards. I’m appalled that Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj’s inspirational song “Side to Side” didn’t win the award for Favorite Song. I totally understand that this is a public voting award show but let’s be real-Side to Side got robbed.

“Side to Side” is a song about sticking with what makes you happy even if your friends don’t agree with it. It’s about going against your friends because you love someone so much that it hurts. How can a song like that possibly lose? The winning song “Work From Home” is a dirty song that kids shouldn’t be listening to. It’s also setting them up to think that they will be able to work from home. That’s a freaking hard thing to find. Everyone wants to be able to work from home.

How did “Work from Home” even end up as a nominee? Do you not screen the lyrics? Or did you just go “Work from Home” sounds like a clean pleasant song, let’s add it to the category? Well, here’s a sample of the lyrics that “the kids” voted for:

I know you’re always on the night shift
But I can’t stand these nights alone
And I don’t need no explanation
‘Cause baby, you’re the boss at home

How do these go past your censors? Fifth Harmony isn’t talking about who runs the household. They are talking about kinky sexual things. I mean, I’m not surprised this passes your censors due to the hidden sexual meanings in some of your older kid content. This was for the children. THE CHILDREN. We need to keep their ears and minds clean of that dirty stuff. “Side to Side” was probably the cleanest and safest songs for the children to listen to. Look at theses lyrics from “Side to Side:”

These friends keep talkin’ way too much
Say I should give you up
Can’t hear them no, ’cause I

Inspirational. All I’m saying is that “Work from Home” should be disqualified for explicit lyrics and strong sexual language. The award should be rewarded to the inspirational “Side to Side.” I even think that Fifth Harmony wouldn’t mind because they probably agree with their song isn’t for the children.Nickelodeon, please keep your edgy programming away from the young minds of American’s children.

Oh, gives a freaking VICTORiOUS reunion already. This is the perfect time to get Ariana Grande back on your channel and bring you the money you desperately need because your content right now is slacking. Your content is Spongebob, turtles that are Ninjas, and the Power Rangers. A VICTORiOUS reunion would save your channel. I’ve written a treatment for it already so you just need to produce it and get everyone…including Victoria Justice. She should be free, it’s not like she was nominated for Grammy and touring around the world. I’m pretty sure she’s just sitting at home dreaming of what could have been.

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Love,

Steven Kaufman

P.S. please make The Splat its own channel or On Demand content…that would be really cool too.

P.S.S. bring back All That

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Also, make sure you follow me on Twitter for more shade and sass.

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Top 5ive: Ariana Grande

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Whether you’re walking Side to Side or you just love The Way, Ariana Grande has been slaying it ever since she ditched Mr. Purple, her “Victorious” character Cat Valentine’s  purple giraffe-get your mind out of the gutter, and focused on her music career-she’s been unstoppable. All three of her albums were in the top five of the Billboard 200, she pretty much killing it. In honor of Ariana’s success, I’m counting down the top 5ive of her singles. Without further ado, let’s begin.

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5. The Way (Feat. Mac Miller)

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The first single off of her debut album “Yours Truly,” the song introduced the rest of the world to the goddess known as Ariana. While it’s not her first single, “Put Your Heart Up” was her first from the fetus version of the album, it was a smash hit across the world. The song also features Mac Miller, her future boyfriend in where they share a lovely kiss. Oh, how lovely all this turned out for her. She got the Mac and the career. Vicky J still has jack shit.

4. Bang Bang (feat. Jessie J & Nicki Minaj)

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It’s one of the biggest collabs that Ariana has done. It’s also the start of her transformation into what a more adult Ariana Grande. The lyrics are cleverly dirty like an old school Britney Spears song. It also raised Jessie J to another level and featured the sickest rap from Ms. Minaj that she’s ever done. Even when Ariana sings it all solo, it slays. The song just slays. It’s one of those song that you have to sing along to.

3. Side to Side (feat. Nicki Minaj)

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Literally the dirtest song that Ariana has put out so far. It’s about walking weird after have rough and hardcore sex. It also gave the world one of the greatest lines ever in the history of the world-Dick Bicycle. We all want to know what one is and no one seems to know. Ariana and Nicki have been hush hushed on it. It also gave us one of the best dance routines on exercise equipments.

2. One Last Time

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Her best ballad as a single to date. It’s literally the best. It’s catchy with a beat that just makes you want to sing along. Then her vocals on the song are the bees knees. Literally she killed it on this ballad. The video is the only thing that a little bit ehh on it. The video follows her and her love interest, we’ll call him Robbie, as they try to catch the end of the world from on top of the building. Now really sure why but it’s like that but hey, I’ll take it.

1. Problem (feat. Iggy Azelea)

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Her biggest hit today. It’s the hit that just kept on bringing the heat. It even spawned a sequel song entitled “Focus.” It’s the only song that Iggy didn’t ruin *cough*Pretty Girls*cough*. Okay, that one was unfair because it wasn’t a great song to start with. It’s one of her signature songs. It never gets old and just gets better and better.

Here’s the songs for your listening pleasure:

Like this post if you found it fun. Leave a comment below with your thoughts on the list. Make sure you also follow me on Twitter and the blog for more sassiness. 

Ask The Pop Project #4

 

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I decided to take time out of my busy schedule (I know what you are thinking) to answer some of your questions that were eating away at your souls. I’m bring back “Ask the Pop Project.” Let’s get started with some of your questions.


 

Dear Pop Project (Thaaaaatttt’s usssss!),

What’s up with Trump? 

– Concerned Citizen

Great question! There’s nothing wrong with Trump…at least in his and his cabinet’s mind. I fully believe that he thinks that he’s doing nothing wrong. I think he needs to look at what he is signing and actually being president and less on tweeting. This is all that I’m going to go into because I’m trying to not go political…too much.


 

Dear Pop Project (Thaaaaatttt’s usssss!),

What’s a dick bicycle? I hear Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj singing about it. 

 – Concerned Fan

A “Dick Bicycle” is a metaphor. Not sure what it’s a metaphor of, but it is a metaphor for something. I think it’s better that we don’t know what it’s a metaphor for. Just that it’s a metaphor for something.


Dear Pop Project (Thaaaaatttt’s usssss!),

What’s Beyonce going to name the twins

– The BeyHive

Since Holy Trinity is going to be born son, I’ve named her children Serenity and Serendipity. I feel like those goes perfect with Blue Ivy. But I’m totally expecting something like Blue Ivy to be the actual name of her children. And you can bet that I’ll be making comment on like so.


 

Dear Pop Project (Thaaaaatttt’s usssss!),

What’s the point of this post?

– Questioning why I’m reading this

The point of this is that I’m on a 29 day posting streak and something is better than nothing. I’m sorry if this is your first post, but I swear I post better things. On the left side of the screen, there’s a list of popular post. Feel free to read one of those. Backstreet vs NSYNC is my reigning top post since 2013.


 

Dear Pop Project (Thaaaaatttt’s usssss!),

You’re blog is horrible, none of it makes any sense. My question though is Where’s the love?

– Hates you but still loves you

That is a very deep question. The love is hidden right now but it’s still there. I’m very sorry that you think this blog is horrible and it doesn’t make any sense. Pop Culture is the main topic of the block and it’s a very broad topic that covers so much of the world. Feel free to keep reading it and tell your friends 🙂


 

Dear Pop Project (Thaaaaatttt’s usssss!),

What flavor is the green candy hearts?

– Conversation hearts lover

According to the bag that I’m literally eating right now, it’s lemon. I know what you’re thinking and I agree. Why is Lemon green? I don’t know but I’m rather curious. I understand it can’t be yellow due to Banana, which is the best, being yellow but it doesn’t make any sense. I’ll have to get back to you.

 

Have a question you want answered? Just want to let us that we are better than this? Leave it in a comment below or tweet @Steven_Kaufman using #PopProject

American Idol won’t be making back to Hollywood

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After a decade on the air, “American Idol” will be ending it’s decade run on FOX after it airs its 15th season next year.  But this really isn’t a shocker due to the lackluster ratings and it being a huge suck fest for years.  Can you name the last good season of American Idol? Can you name the recent winners? We can somewhat name the judges because of there is always so much drama between them and the American Idol judges seems to be the island of misfit judges.

There judges never seemed to make sense after the original three judges, which slightly made more sense because two of them where producers and one danced with a cartoon cat in the 80’s. They also blended well with each other. Their personalities complimented each other perfectly. Simon Cowell was brash, Paula Abdul was the kind one, and Randy Jackson was the calm relaxed one. Simon and Paula got into fights while Randy told everyone “Yo, dawg! That was tight, really tight!” It was magic–pure magic. That is one of the reason Idol lost it’s spark.

I hope the final season is something like “The Battle of the Idols” where all the previous idols compete for the title of “the American Idol.” That would be hardcore.