Unanswered Super Mario Questions

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Mario’s search and rescue of Princess Peach, formerly Princess Toadstool before she entered the Mushroom Kingdom’s witness protection that didn’t work, has been going on for multiple decades. It’s literally the same story with a few changes here and there. Bowser kidnaps her and then Mario, and sometimes his brother Luigi, travel the world to save her.  There has been some change in the plot depending on the game but it’s all the same. Here’s a simpler version: Bitch gets herself kidnapped, Mario risks his live(s) and saves her.  So here’s just some questions that I have that I think deserved answers if Nintendo wants me to continue to invest my money and time into the trial and tribulations of what I’m calling the prequel to the “Taken” franchise:

  • WTF does Bowser want Peach for? Bowser is a huge ass lizard. There’s such an easier way than capturing the stupid princess, especially after having Mario come after him and defeat him everytime. Why does he even want her? She’s just a figurehead with no power. She’s hardly ever there with the amount of times she’s kidnapped to have any power in the area or to know her kingdom well. I know Nintendo isn’t saying Bestiality is the reason because I’m sorry but Browser could do better. And if there’s a Bowser Jr., where’s Mrs. Bowser in all of this? Is she dead or is Bowser just a playa?  Speaking of children, why doesn’t he “claim” the Koopalings as his children anymore? Is that why Mrs. Bowser isn’t with him anymore?
  • How dumb is the Peach? If she’s under the new name of Peach with Witness Protection (I’m not going to ask why they didn’t keep her appearance as Princess Daisy-yes,they are the same person), why does the bitch keep getting captured? How come she doesn’t have like some sort of security around her at all time? Where’s the Mushroom Kingdom’s version of the Secret Service to save her? You can’t expect Toad to protect her, he’s as scary as newborn kitten. He’s also like a foot tall. Get the bitch actually protect. How is she still a princess anyways?
  • Why don’t they have an army? While an army of foot tall mushroom people wouldn’t terrify anyone, is the Mushroom Kingdom that dense not to have an army to protect the woman that keeps getting kidnapped? I mean, it would be hard to stop someone who apparently has a key and a designated parking spot at the castle. But still, an army might have at least made a slight impact on Bowser’s plan. He might have to kick the little bastards instead of just breezing on through.
  • Why does Mario keep saving her? I don’t understand why he just keeps saving Peach. It might have to do with the fact that she’s apparently the only human female in the Mushroom Kingdom. I understand it might be true love, which he too can do better. Peach is obviously careless and doesn’t give a crap about his wellbeing since she constantly keeps dragging him in to fight Bowser. I’m sorry but no woman is worth that, especially when it involves a huge ass lizard throwing things at you in a floating clown head.
  • Why does Luigi want to save her? I totally understand helping a brother out but why would you be stupid enough to help your brother rescue his girl if you’re not getting anything out it. Is he in love with Peach? Is this a love triangle/square?  Luigi can’t do better than Peach if that is true. He’s a loser who jumps weird. Or is he secretly trying to take down Peach as revenge from her days as Princess Daisy? Daisy was playing games with his heart. I need to know how and why Luigi is wanting to help Peach because it doesn’t make sense, especially with how much danger and how often Peach is kidnapped.
  • Why does Peach fight in Smash Bros. but not when she’s getting kidnapped? Is Bowser kidnapping her some sort of fetish for her? Does she get off on it? It doesn’t make sense why she would fight meaningless battles in Smash Bros. but yet she not even capable of saving her own ass when Bowser kidnaps her, who she does fight in Smash Bros. And don’t give me that “alternative universe” bull crap, it’s the same character regardless of universe. Besides, if it was “alternative universe,” wouldn’t you think that she would learn how to fight after the first four times? I’m telling you, she’s totally into getting kidnap. Princess in the mushroom streets, but a freak in the sheets.
  • Why does Mario and Luigi not gotten help for their addiction to Mushrooms? Mario and Luigi have a problem and they need to get help for it. Pretty much, they are in a situation that Toad, Peach, and all their friends are enabling their addiction to Mushrooms. Sure, they are helpful and gives them a high that makes them feel larger than what they are and more powerful but they are addictive. Once they lose their high, they want more. Their addiction to Mushrooms is so bad that they even think they can fly, shoot fireballs, and be invincible for a short period of time. We need to get Dr. Phil or Dr. Drew over there to help them break their addiction.
  • Where’s the other humans at? There has to be more than just three humans in the entire kingdom. They didn’t just pop out of thin air. You can say that a stork brought them, but I have a feeling that Toad and his people would be horrible parents. There also is some sort of royal hierarchy there since people aren’t just made into Princesses. Let’s be real: There’s no way that Toad and his people would be able to create a kingdom. They would need extremely tall ladders. So did Bowser kill all the other humans or did he turn them into mushroom people things?
  • What are up with Toad and his people? What are they called and what’s really the big mushroom on their head? And how come they all look-alike? Is there a certain way to tell the difference between them?  Seriously, what’s his/their deal? And how do they reproduce if they all look-alike and you can’t tell the difference? Don’t act like you didn’t want to know the answer to that question as well.

 

Nintendo, if you can answer these questions then maybe I can resume investing into this Franchise. Maybe, you can have Bowser kidnap Mario and Princess Peach can save him #loveislove.

Have an opinion on the subject? Let us know in the comments below or tweet @Steven_Kaufman using #PopProject. 

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Run, Mario, Run!

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It’s been almost a month since Nintendo debut the app “Super Mario Run” on all iOS devices and it’s time to finally put down my feeling and views on it. So let’s run deep into the first mobile game that the Japanese gaming empire has made.

“Super Mario Run” is your average Mario game just simplified due to how much space is on a phone compared to an actual gaming system. It’s also the same story that you would expect because the storyline is decades old. Princess Peach can apparently do more than get kidnapped and baked a cake. She invited Mario to come get a piece, which is code for she was a thirsty. So Mario runs because he’s so excited to taste her “cake” and the dumb bitch ends up getting kidnapped by Browser, who is obsessed with her. This is all happening in the tutorial by the way. At the end of the tutorial, Browser blows up the kingdom and ends up sending all of Mario’s help somewhere that wasn’t explained.

The goal of the game to rebuild the kingdom, bring all the mushroom people back as well as Mario’s brother Luigi, and to save the goddamn princess. There is two different modes: Tour and Toad Rally.

Tour Mode is where the game is familiar. You play through all the levels, first three are free, and make your way through to save the Peach. There are six worlds with the goal of each level to is to collect the 15 colored coins, which you have to get in groups of five. The only benefit to this, besides it’s the most fun, is that all the levels you pass go into Toad Rally and you can play as the bitch that can fight off Link in Smash Bros. but can’t stop Browser from kidnapping her ass.

 
mobile_supermariorun_ipadpro_screenshot-only_05Toad Rally is where you collect mushroom people as fans by beating other from all aroundthe world in a race to collect coins. The more mushroom people you collect, you unlock the other three characters (which Browser isn’t one of them!) and level up your Kingdom. Oh yeah, you can purchase things to make your Kingdom unique. You can by mushroom homes, poles for the mushroom to play on and no, I’m not making that up.Sure it’s a flag pole, but you can’t keep those mushroom off the pole.

The game is a very fun game, it just gets boring after a while. There’s nothing there to keep you playing once you save Peach. Sure, you can collect colored coins and unlock special levels when you collect them all, but that’s rather difficult sometimes and it’s annoying. The Toad Rally is fun to a point but then all the levels are all the same. Literally, there are times when you will play the same level back to back.

The idea is there and it’s a fun game when you are bored but other than that, it’s not really that fun. The fact that Browser isn’t a playable character but a newly introduced character is hurts the game. I don’t play as the female toad and mainly play as Luigi because let’s be real-he’s the true badass of the game. “Super Mario Run” is reminiscent of Super Mario Bros. 2: The North American Release, which wasn’t a very fun game. Overall, the game is suffers from lack of content that keeps people coming back.

 

Have an opinion on the game? Let us know in the comments below or tweet @Steven_Kaufman using #PopProject.

Pokemon are real!

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The world has been in left in an uproar as everyone is becoming a Pokemon master. “Pokemon Go” is the game where you can catch Pokémon in the real world. Yes, you read that right. Pokemon has invaded our world and now we can become the very best, like no one ever was. To catch them and not to die is our real test. To train them is our cause.

In order to catch the Pokemon, you must walk around your area and the Pokémon will pretty much run into you. The Pokemon that you are able to catch is based on what your location is. If you leave in grassland areas, then you will have a lot of grass Pokemon near you. Then you can train at gyms (that is right, you can open up your own gym). There are also other nifty area where you get free stuff.

The game is extremely addicting and makes people exercise and actually talk to people face to face. Wait for the backlash of people angry because they have to move around and actually talk to people. But the game has been a smash hit since it’s inception and it’s no one why.

Have an opinion on the Pokemon Go? Let us know in the comments below or tweet us @Steven_Kaufman