Presidential Who’s who

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It’s Election time! This year we will pick a brand new president because four years is enough of just one. And in order to help you, I thought I would break down each possible candidates and talk about the things that really matter and that’s not the issues.

Donald Trump- Yes, this is really happening if you didn’t know already. Voting for Donald Trump is voting for someone who openly supports bad hairstyles/hairdos Why would you let someone like that run the country? America has slightly high standard and other countries expect us to have the best hairstyles. Why in the world should we elect someone that supports sporting a comb over that isn’t fooling anyone? Besides, you can’t trust his hair because I heard it was full of secrets.

Hilary Clinton- She wears pants suits…no one should ever wear pantsuits unless they are named Leslie Knope. No one but her should be allowed to wear a pantsuit. They aren’t any sort of fashionable. Sure, they look official and fancy but they aren’t any that walk down the runway at any of the fashion shows. We need to be part of the high fashion and so should our leader.

Paris Hilton- She’s one of the many sleeper candidates that many people haven’t heard about. I’ve actually talked about her before. “Make America Hot Again” is her slogan and she’s here to turn the White House Pink. The only thing going against her is that she doesn’t know one of America’s top store-Walmart. Everyone knows Walmart and it’s a big part of America’s economy because it helped create jobs. Job creation is also an issue that her campaign has tackled but we aren’t here to talk about the issues.

Kim Kardashian and Kayne West- We might as well just give it to them to begin with because they are already leaders in the country. They are leaders in our media and are big deals. They know how to handle the public and both have wonderful PR teams that will help America’s relationship with other countries. The only problem with them is that the White House won’t be able to fit their egos.

Leslie Knope- She’s the best person out of the candidates. She’s been in government all of her life and did some big projects in her hometown of Pawnee, Indiana. She can pull out anything and she has a crack pot team with her! She’s just too much sometimes and I feel like that will hurt and help her.

That is my breakdown of the presidential candidates. I hope this will help you get to know your candidates better.

Have an opinion on one of the presidential candidates? Let us know in the comments below or tweet us @Steven_Kaufman.

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Make America Hot Again

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It’s primary election day here in the great state of Ohio. Before you got out there and cast your vote, let me tell you about one candidate that hasn’t been at any of the debates or ran any ads–Paris Hilton.

She has pretty much the same qualifications as Republican frontrunner Donald Trump, but she isn’t as, we will call it vocal, as he is about topics like race and allowing the LGBTQIA to get marriage like the rest of the world because she really doesn’t give a flying Tinkerbell (RIP Tinkerbell).  She doesn’t care about race, orientionate, or gender and just views you as a person and judges you based on if you are hot or not, which is really how it should be.

And she’s also a DJ. I mean, we would be the envy of the world because what other world leader could DJ their own parties?  I don’t seen the Queen of England spinning a track. She’s literally the candidate for the Party Party. The political party that everyone has wanted since forever

Her Vice President would be amazing. I kinda hope it would be Nicole Richie and we could get a reboot of “The Simple Life.” I think we are the same page now this now. So vote for Paris Hilton and let’s make America hot again.

 

Here’s Paris’ plans as president:

Please stop that music!

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Our friendly neighbor gossip Perez Hilton recently posted a photo gallery of Actors and Athletes that had a failed music career, which probably means that their music was god awful. So I thought I would ruin your life by playing the music and making comments about it!

Kim Kardashian

Okay so this song is just horrible and  it just makes me want to just harm little innocent bunnies. Granted, Kim Kardashian recorded for charity but it’s one of those things that she shouldn’t have never done. This just goes to show that Kim shouldn’t quit her day job (whatever the hell that might be) no matter how much you look like Nicole Scherzinger.

Scarlett Johansson

Yeah….we can see why she didn’t have a good music career because this song is basically god awful. It literally sounds like it was overly produced in first place to cover up the bad singing.  It’s a good thing she stopped after her 2011 album because this wasn’t pretty to sit through.

Lindsay Lohan

Okay, this one I somewhat agree with to a point. While Lindsay’s music career wasn’t successful, it wasn’t because she was bad (she more like mediocre). It didn’t pan out because of her alleged problems with drugs and alcohol. “Rumors” and “Confessions of a Broken Hearts” were a few of good songs. Her first album is better than her second.

Paris Hilton

What is with all this girls that got famous via a sex tape think they can sing? It’s all Paris’ fault because she started this trend. Granted, her music was 100 times better than Kim’s but it still wasn’t good. It was so bad, it made the Star’s blind.

Heidi Montag

This one is pretty much self explanatory. Heidi thought it would be a good idea to release an album when “Speidi” and “The Hills” controlled the airways over at MTV. Her music was….interesting to say the least. “Body Language” was her only “good” song and I say that hesitantly. And yes, that is Spencer Pratt rapping along is wife (is it wife?). He took time away from his crystals mediations to help her.

Brooke Hogan

This is another one that I really don’t really agree with. Brooke Hogan’s problem wasn’t that she was horrible, it was that no one knew what genre of music that she should be in because her first album was more “r&b” while her second (her best btw) was more pop-ish. She was actually really good at singing but it was just the music she was putting out wasn’t really fitting her. It also might have been the fact that her father, Hulk Hogan, also dated/married a woman who looks just like his daughter (creepy to 102 degree)

Now there are plenty more of people like this but these are just the cream of the crop of musical crap.

Did we miss anyone that shouldn’t have tried to get a music career? Leave it in a comment below