Challenges that will make you internet famous

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Have you ever wanted to become famous on the internet so you don’t have to work that job you hate ever again? Well, I’m here to help you in your quest for internet stardom. The best way for you to accomplish this is by doing challenges.

Challenges all the rage right now. There’s a little a challenge for everything and anything that you can think of. Here are some challenges that will get you the instant gratification of being famous in a hurry.

  • Breathalyzer challenge: This challenge would make eating spoonful of cinnamon look like child’s play. All you need for this one is a breathalyzer and a bunch of alcohol. You also might want to get a couple of friends that don’t drink for this just in case. The point of this breathalyzer is to see how high the breathalyzer goes. Pretty much, you drink until the breathalyzer reaches it limit. Be careful that you don’t get alcohol poisoning and that your blood alcohol content doesn’t go down. If any of those happens, you lose the challenge.
  • Don’t lose “the game” challengeWe all remember playing “the game” in middle school. Well this challenge involves you not losing it, which you just did. Better luck next time.
  • Awkward challenge: This challenge is a fun one. All you need to do is make people extremely and uncomfortably awkward. I recommend breaking social norms that you’ve been taught is rude and unacceptable. This could be like standing extremely close to someone when talking to them, grabbing a piece of food off of someone you don’t knows plate while sitting on their lap, or even just offering to be the third in a married couple’s relationship. Doesn’t that sound like the best challenge ever
  • ”Please stop” challenge: This is another fun one. All you have to do is just be super annoying and have people either asking you or screaming at you to stop. I recommend singing the songs loudly with your headphones in. That will always piss people off to no end.
  • Get away with challenge: This challenge is extremely rough. You just do illegal tasks and then see how long you can go without getting caught. This one you really don’t want to publish online but if you are caught, you will definitely become internet famous the more illegal activities you do.

As you can probably tell, this is all satire on the fact that most people are getting famous off of stupid and idiotic challenges like eating spoonful cinnamon. If you haven’t figured out that this is all satirical, I hope you gain a huge following over some of these challenge idea.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more sass and shit.

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Pop Project Investigates: Covfefe

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Here we go again. sigh.

Welcome to the first edition of “Pop Project Investigates.” It where I put on my investigative journalist hat in order to properly figure out what’s going on. Let’s talk about convfefe.

For those of you who don’t know, this is a tweet that Donald Trump sent out and then later delete:

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Many suspects that Trump just misspelled “coverage” due to his small hands but I believe that it’s actually a secret message that you need to decode. While Trump is known for his subtweeting, this isn’t one of his normal “This is fake news. I won the election. I’m awesome and you not” tweets. Don’t let him fool you because this is some secret hidden message.  Sure, it makes so much more sense to believe that “coverage” but that’s letting Trump win. I spent hours upon hours looking at the sentence structure and have come up with two theories on it.

Theory 1

Donald Trump used covfefe as a positive message to his supports. This one is probably less likely but it’s a theory because Trump hates using punctuation besides periods, which is very ironic. But let’s not get into this. Here’s how I think it should look like with punctuation:

Despite the constant negative press, covfefe!

Covfefe in use as something like “struggle on” or “power through.” It just to uplifted and tell everyone that it’s okay and everything is running smooth. I expect Donald Trump to continue on with the select messages with their true meanings leaking very soon because everything in the White House leaks lately. Secrets, the pipes, you name it and it has leaked there. Probably even the shower.

Theory 2

I’m pretty sure that the covfefe tweet was actually a text message to the Putin but Trump hit the wrong app on his phone. According to the Associated Press, Trump told world leaders to contact him on his personal number because that sounds like he’s not covering anything up. So Putin has his personal number and Trump was letting him know that everything was going to plan. Also, the tweet has no structure which fit well with the overall lack of structure in text messages in today’s society.

Covfefe is a term that is used to confirm that the plan is in place and it’s ready for the next phase. I believe that Covfefe is rather the plan name. It stands for

Confuse

Overturn

Victory

Falsify

Execute

Foreign

Exterminate

Covfefe is the overall plot to make sure Trump won the election. If you follow the outline of the plan’s name, we are currently on Falsify. We only have three phases left. Who knows what we will have in store in the other phases.

Covfefe isn’t something to be cherished but rather something to be worried about. Sure, we all hope it was a stupid mistake but what if that’s Trump wants you to believe that in order to hide the true nature of covfefe. Also, you know it’s a bad sign when your device doesn’t try to fix covfefe.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more sarcastic things. 

How to ignore pesky Pyramid scheme seller

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I bet you didn’t know that I’m also a lifestyle guru. It’s a little-known fact about me and I’m going to share some of my wonderful knowledge with you.  Today, I’m going to help you deal with Ponzi scheming pyramid scheme sellers. These scheming schemers that are harassing your broke ass to purchase things. This is brought to you by the girl who Demi Lovato told smells good.

I bet Drew Barrymore in “Scream” wish she had me to help her when she picked up that phone. She’d still be dead because I’d run for the hills but it wouldn’t have been so fast. I’d use her as a distraction as I fled. Anyways, this isn’t for all of them but the ones who just won’t take no for an answer. Not all of them are like this, but these are the extreme cases. Someone, you don’t know very well, messages you on Facebook with this:

Hey gurl, I have something that will really rock your world. My company, lovely lace lollipops, sells lollipops shaped like laced up penises and vagina lollipops. And we are running a special right now. The special is that for every 4 lollipops you buy, you get a sexy candy laced up bikini made of entirely of candy flavored asparagus. Interested?

If the candy flavored asparagus wasn’t a selling point enough, you politely declined but they don’t take that as an answer and they are persistent with and pretty much are harassing you into buying their products. They are worst than door-to-door salesmen because then, you can just close the door and move on. But I have a solution that will end the conversation. You are going to be so pissed off that you didn’t think about it first.

What you do is that you take their sales pitch, and replace it so it looks like you are selling drugs, humans, or something illegal. I recommend combining all into the pitch. Here’s an example using the message posted above:

Hey gurl, I have something that will really rock your world. My company, dipshit say what, sells drugs for half of their cost on the street. And we are running a special right now. The special is that for every ounce of drugs you buy, there’s a special “surprise” inside. All the drugs are 75% legit to begin with. If you think that the special “surprise” is good, wait until you hear about the other deals going on…

At this point, you should be able to leave this conversation with nothing left to lose. But if they continue on, that is when you add in about how your company is selling newborn babies or brides the whole way from Agrabah. People already think it’s a real place so just go with it. Continue this on until they get the hint and just move on. Eventually, they will because you think you are strange. Please note that I’m not responsible for any bad things that come up from this like jail time. Use this with caution if you decide to be a smartass.

Another way to avoid pesky Ponzi scheme schemes is to just ignore them. It might not be as fun as the one mentioned above, but it will work. Just ignoring them is rude but will surely get the message across with irony of their being no message. It’s the adult thing to do but it’s not really worth be an adult sometimes.

I hope that my lifestyle tips will change your life.  I’ll help you live that smartass lifestyle.

Levae your thoughts in the comments below. Also, make sure you follow me on Twitter for the sake of the children.

Kellyanne Conway says your microwave is a SPY!

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There’s a spy in your house

I know what you may be thinking “my microwave has seemed weird lately.” And yes, it has. You see, your microwave may be taking photos of you and recording your conversations. Your microwave turns into a camera when you aren’t looking. I know, it’s mind-blowing to think that your microwave might be spying on you when you least expect it. Because of the lovely, and seeming younger looking, Kellyanne Conway informed us of this break in national security; I thought I would help you tell when your microwave is spying on you.

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Click here to play “Where in The World is Kellyanne Conway?”

The camera on the microwave is all in the time display. It’s actually a one-way window. You can’t see it but it can see you. And the holes for ventilation has a microphone built-in. They are so tiny, that no one would ever expect it. You can’t even find them if you were to tear it apart. So here are just a few things to watch out for when you are believing that your microwave is joining the ranks of KAOS and spying on you.

  • When your food isn’t cooked the whole way: If your food isn’t probably cooked the whole way, you need to get out of there right away. It isn’t because you didn’t put it in long enough. It’s because your microwave is using that to gain more photos and knowledge of you. It knows that you are going to run it through again, and that is when it will finish up it’s collecting. Don’t do it, eat the food cold (within reason) or just flee your home. If you flee your home, then it will confuse it and not tell it’s brothers to watch out for you.
  • If the plate in the middle isn’t turning while cooking: The plate in the middle of the microwave isn’t for making sure your food is cooked the whole way. It’s actually processing the information when it’s spinning. There are sensors that are sending it all through your own internet connection. Isn’t technology wonderful? If you see the plate not moving, then you need to stop that microwave because it’s sending all the information. If you stop the microwave mid-cycle, then it won’t be able to send any of the information. It will also corrupt the information and make it unreadable.
  • If your microwave is starting to act up: If you notice that your microwave is on its way out, then you need to literally destroy it. It’s wanting you to get a new one. If you throw it away, then every last bit of information will be sent to the collective and made available to the world. How? The microwave will send it like a beacon.
  • Unplugging it won’t help: If you unplug the microwave, then it will still record you and send information to the collective. The microwave is on to you and knows your tricks. It’s not stupid. Unplugging it won’t help either.

Hopefully, these tips will help you catch your microwave spying on you.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter so you can judge me all the time.