The things that I have learned from Degrassi

Whatever it takes

While we haven’t had a new Degrassi episode since July 2017, people have been holding onto hope that the show will live on. But unfortunately. that isn’t the case as it appears that it has been cancelled by Netflix. In honor of all 18 seasons that we have grew up watch, I thought it was time to reminisce on things that I have learned from “Degrassi: The Next Generation” and “Degrassi: Next Class.” Here’s are those things:

Click Here to read my rant on Degrassi

Never trust a guy giving out jelly bracelets

If you meet people in the woods, you know it’s only going to be trouble

While if you meet someone in this day and age giving out jelly bracelets, you should just run because that’s creepy. You should run either way because that means he’s expecting you to do sexual acts. And I’m sorry but if you are collecting jelly bracelets from him, your ass is a hoe and you need Jesus. It made me think differently of people of them. I almost asked someone “hey, who did you blow?” As an Adult, I’m both sadden by the fact that I didn’t but yet glad that I didn’t. 

When in doubt, kiss the nearest person to you

Don’t lie…you were jealous

The saying on the show was “When in doubt, kiss Craig.” While Craig was a brooding drug induced hunky musician, the kiss that him and openly gay trendsetter Marco shared was short but iconic. So if you are stuck between a hunk and hunk, just kiss the nearest hunk near you. This works so well if you are having relationships issues. Just ask Marco!

Best way for revenge is to write a song and perform in front of them

Screw Downtown Squash, PMS/Hell Hath No Fury was the only band we needed and deserved

Why just personally tell someone off in the privacy when you can write songs about them and how they did you wrong in front of EVERYONE. Degrassi was Taylor Swift before she even knew about Tim McGraw. There was so many good bops that Degrassi gave us. Paige tell her rapist off, Ashley telling Craig off, Craig being a little bitch and just telling everyone off in his album. Memories, sweet memories. In case you haven’t noticed, the newer scenes aren’t really that memorable compared to the OG seasons of “Degrassi: The Next Generation.” They aren’t bad but they weren’t anything like Manny’s thong good. That scene is iconic.

You need to pay attention in Sex ed

In my school, I didn’t have any sex ed classes besides a health where they talked about it for a split second. But Degrassi taught me that if you really need to pay attention in when they teach you about sex in school. Not a lot people on Degrassi knew that you need to wrap it before you trap it. There was a concerning amount of teen pregnancy. Now I’m not here to mock teen pregnancy. I do think that “16 & Pregnant” made it seem “cool.” But there was just too many babies popping out and strolling down the hallow halls of Degrassi Community School. Then there was STD outbreaks like there wasn’t anyone business. Sex ed classes either didn’t teach anything or they didn’t teach enough. It also could be that the teens were too horny to pay attention. 

Started from the bottom now Drake is here

Has Drake always been cool? Yep.

During my revisit of the lessons that Degrassi taught me, I had a moment of clarity when it dawned on me what Drake meant when he said “Started from the bottom now we’re here.” When Drake, he was Jimmy Brooks, was shot down by Rick, he was just lying on the floor unconscious. THE BOTTOM OF THE FLOOR. He then rose up from that floor, metaphorically because Jimmy Brooks was wheelchair bound for most of the series after that. Jimmy Brooks didn’t let the fact that he couldn’t walk stop him from rapping and being Drake. So the lyrics are truly about rising out of your metaphorically wheelchair and just live your life. 

 

I hope that this bit of knowledge that I learned from this iconic show will help you. If Degrassi taught you something, leave it in the comments below so we can all enjoy in what lessons Degrassi taught the world. 

Leave your thoughts/tea in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more of that tea.

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Top 5ive: Best songs to strip to

It’s getting hot in herre

Before we get into this Top 5ive. Let’s just point out that I have no clue about stripping and I’ve never done it. But I know sexy and what people want to take their clothes off to. You can thank Mr. Charlie Puth for this list because it’s all for him. Yesterday, Mr. Puth tweeted the world and ask for stripper anthems. Well, it’s time to countdown my list of Stripper anthems.

You’re Welcome

I picked the top 5ive and listed below. Please keep in mind that I’m trying this new list layout out. It might not be permanent. If you like it let me know in the comments below. 

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Top 5ive: Songs to strip to

Inspired by Charlie Puth, Let's countdown the top five stripper anthems.

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5. "Side to Side" by Ariana Grande featuring Nicki Minaj

May 25, 2018 - youtube.com - 0
5. "Side to Side" by Ariana Grande featuring Nicki Minaj

You can't have songs that make you want to rip off your clothes to without this bop from Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj. While it left everyone wondering what is a dick bicycle, you can bust a mean groove to it. If it so happens you lose some clothing during it, no one is complaining. Ariana lost clothes during it too.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter for more tea.

5ive Disney movie reboot pitches that need to happen

You get a reboot! You get a reboot! EVERYBODY GETS A REBOOT!

I don’t know about you because I’m frankly sick and tired of all these reboots. It seems like that’s all we get anymore. Hardly any original movies. Those original movies are geared towards our youth. I think it’s time to turn the classic Disney movies into harden reboots that would make Mickey Mouse blush. 

Because I’ve already done gritty Disney Channel reboots, I thought it was time to tackle the long list of Disney movies. Here are 5ive Disney movie reboots. I believe that these are created by me. If someone else thought of these ideas before me, then I’m sorry for all the things that go through your head. Oh, there’s no pictures because you need to use your imagination. Also, it’s late and I’m tired.

Lady and the Tramp

In this reboot, a couple gets turned into dogs after the boyfriend gets caught cheating. If they wish to return back, they must find true love within three days. Okay, so this one has nothing to do with the original premise but let’s be real: that movie had no real premise. It was about two dogs falling in love. Sure, it was sweet but c’mon. This sounds way better. Oh, the spaghetti scene is still in there but it’s PG-13. We could also make this into a movie involving furries but I think that’s too soon.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

This one is going to be a gritty reboot because why the hell not! So the Evil Queen is really Snow White’s mother. Queen is jealous that Snow White is young and beautiful. The Evil Queen is only getting older. She hires a hitman to seduce and kill Snow White so she can collect the insurance money to get some plastic surgery. A little lipo and facelift will make her look younger. Plastic surgeons are pretty much like fairy godmothers. Anyways, the hitman seduces her but fails to kill her because she’s talented. So he puts her in the hands of the witness protection until they can catch the evil queen. They stick her with the seven dwarfs, who are like their cartoon counterparts but more messed up. Doesn’t this sound like a quality movie? Oh, the prince is actually the hitman handyman/lover. He swings both ways.

The Parent Trap

This reboot is about how two identical twin strippers meet while at an adult entertainment convention. After they cause a little mayhem at the convention, they decided to trade places to see what the other’s life is like. They want to know their actual other parent, as well as their mature play friends. Yep, I just turned “The Parent Trap” into what can only be described as a Disney porn. You are welcome for this gift.

Fantasia

This is pretty much just one big adventure into being high. It a requirement that you are high during this movie…okay, you can be fake high. It would probably only be enjoyable if you were high. That’s how trippy this movie is going to be.

Mary Poppins

Now, this has nothing to do with the sequel, “Mary Poppins Returns.” It’s about a strange lady that corrupts the minds of children into believing that she has magical powers. Once her work is done, she kills the children and leaves her minions in their place. Yep, “Mary Poppins” is a horror movie. If you really think about it, the movie was messed up, to begin with. My reboot isn’t doing anything that hasn’t been already done.

I hope that you enjoyed the plot for these reboots. They are going to hit theaters when Disney gets their act together and makes them. I estimate that in 2020.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter so you can judge me every day.

 

Top 5ive: Celebrities that sold their soul to the devil

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It’s the 666 article, did you expect anything less?

Yep, This is the 666 article on this site. It’s only fitting that we talk about the celebrities that sold their soul to the devil to become famous. Now, this is all alleged because I really don’t have any proof that they are sitting in their not so humble abodes sacrificing animals for career highs. If I did, I wouldn’t be posting in on here. But if I go missing after this, then you know why. Anyways, here are the top 5ive celebrities that allegedly sold their soul to the devil. Again, if I go missing you know why.

(Editor Note: this isn’t mean to be taken like they seriously sold their soul. This is more so off of who are/were shoved in our faces every minute. This was meant to be in good fun and not to harm anyone.)

 

5. Victoria Justice

This one is number five because frankly, her sacrifice wasn’t anything the devil wanted. She also could have just kicked him to the curb.  That or not even the devil could make her. Either way, Victoria Justice probably got her own show on Nickelodeon because she was part of their weekly rituals. Yep, Nickelodeon was big on the weekly ritual for their stars. They wanted that money. Sure, Victoria Justice was talented but she got her ass handed to her on “VICTORiOUS.” Every episode by future Grammy Nominee Ariana Grande and Liz Gillies, as known as Fallon Carrington on “Dynasty” in fact.  Where is Vicky now? She has a very open schedule.

4. Lindsay Lohan

Sadly, this one is probably extremely true. Since her recovery, LiLo has been pretty desperate to get back into the spotlight. Literally. She’s trying so hard to make thing happens that probably won’t happen just because it would get her back to being famous. She would sell her soul to become relevant again. Could you really blame her though? She was pretty much the Queen of the mid to early 2000s. Probably being a “Social Justice Warrior” isn’t as fulfilling as working in front of a camera or recording an album.

 

3. Logan and Jake Paul

This one doesn’t really need any explanation. They are all the worst. They just need to go away. But that will never happen thanks to the devil. They are literally just everywhere and you can’t go to YouTube without hearing them referenced. Like, why are they famous? Why are they on my feeds? I don’t follow them on anything and I’m seriously confused by them. Everyone complains about them but yet, they are still famous. Also, can the devil get them better haircuts or just a stylist?

 

 

2. Ryan Seacrest

Where do I begin? What does Ryan Seacrest actually do that is better than anyone else? Have you read his bio on his site? Here’s a link to it. Ryan is the “quintessential Hollywood insider who always manages to have the biggest scoops.” But don’t worry, Ryan is also “a normal guy who relates to his listeners.” It’s all lies. Also, his bio on his site SCREAMS douche. I’m sorry but it does. He definitely sold his soul after idol got big to make more money. Now the son of the bitch is everywhere. He probably got “American Idol” back from the devil. SOMETHING NO ONE ASKED FOR!!! He probably gave Kris Jenner the devil’s number.

1. The Kardashians

You cannot tell me that Kris Jenner isn’t sitting at home in between meeting sacrificing a lamb so her children can make her richer. Kris probably has a secret room in her compound dedicated to the ritual and the sacrifices. I wonder if she is the manager of the devil? It’s probably one of those “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine” kind of deal. I bet the devil is connected now because of Kris Jenner. OMG the Illuminati. I’m just going to stop there before I really do go missing.

 

Honorable Mention: Donald J. Trump and his cabinet

You know it’s true. There’s no way that he won the election without a bit of help from the devil.  I’m also not going to post a picture of them because frankly, I’m just over them. ALL OF THEM. Nah. Trump only worships himself.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Make sure you follow me on Twitter so you can judge me all the time.